Lewcee Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Worried that I'm on the verge of lashing out in a big way? Lately I haven't been wanting to spend time with who is now my (ex)boyfriend of 4 months. I don't know if it has something to do with me being sick with the flu and possibly pneumonia but just the last week or so I didn't want him around me and I didn't wanna talk to him much. I just wanted to rest mainly but realized I love having time to myself. He was still wanting to be around me all the time since he's a bit clingy and needy. Last night coincidentally I promised to make it up to him today while I took the day off. So I begin my morning waiting for his text or call and I check facebook and a friend of a friend who sent me a friend request the day before sent me a message asking me to text him or give him a call because he needed to talk to me. I thought it was gonna be business related or regarding the mutual friend but it turned out that he found pictures in his ex-girlfriend's phone of my boyfriend and her actually having sex. I was surprised at the stupidity of her taking pictures of it but when I saw the pictures I actually laughed, I didn't feel hurt or betrayal I just laughed and told the dumbfounded guy thank you for showing them to me because I've been looking for a reason to dump my boyfriend. So I forward the pictures to my boyfriend as well as a text saying I'm dumping him and don't wanna speak and if he comes by I'll call the cops or will assault him and claim self defense. I then blocked his number because I felt like I didn't want the drama of an argument or to have to hear his excuses. This was my guilt free ticket out. I also told him in a cheerful voice after he bugged one of my friends to come by my place and have me talk to him through her phone that I never really loved him and was just using him, and I said it coldly until I heard him cry but I really don't know if that's true, if I even love or ever loved him. Again even though my actions seem kinda malicious I don't feel anything. I also sent the pictures to other mutual friends going: Wanna see something funny? So he won't go whining about me dumping him to them and pull the stunt like he did with my friend again. I then put the picture of them doing it on my avatar on skype since that's another way we communicated so every time he sees my picture and gets tempted to talk he'll remember what he did and just leave me alone. I don't know if it was immature on my part but I feel numb like I don't care. I don't think I feel mad about the girl just only that she would mess around with someone who was taken but I'd still feel that way even if she did this to a different couple. I feel like I'm a fly on the wall or like I'm on autopilot acting like a normal cheated on person would but the emotions just aren't there. Am I still in the right frame of mind or will I eventually snap and get angry?
Ireallydontknow Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Uhm you aren't angry already? LOL it's natural to want to hurt the person who hurt you. I have revenge fantasies about my cheating ex. I never act out on them. I mean you shamed him and everyone knows, time to move on.
Author Lewcee Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 It's day 2 of the break up and its 2am in the morning. I'm still not angry and I don't want to get back with him romantically but I have a weird and strong urge to call him up for some fun if you know what I mean. Maybe my subconscious is up to something that my brain and my heart doesn't know. Maybe I don't love him and was going along with what he wanted or something. I feel totally emotionally disconnected. But I want him right now for one thing.
Tayla Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 May I interject here and ask- Are you simply in "shock" from all this or sincerely devoid of empathy for yourself? Not a fan of physical retaliation or hurtful words. Neither of which can be taken back.....So walk softly and carry a mental reminder of where your values stand.
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