Ex-Womanizer Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Background: Hi everyone. I'm brand new to this thing. And well... I'm an ex-player. Long story short, I had my world turned upside down this weekend. I think karma was finally pissed enough with me, and so I went through a storm. To give you a background, I am the guy who was emotionally shut down for years. I saw the world through scientific/evolutionary/biological perspective. I saw human beings as animals. I only went after attractive women with low self-esteems. I began to believe in hypergamy, and objectified women. My only care was to satisfy myself. However, this weekend I hurt another girl (a friend). Karma literally destroyed me. By Sunday I knew I had done wrong and called my Dad, who never agreed with how I have led women on. After a long deep conversation I started realizing how wrong I have been the whole time. Believe me, I have paid for my wrong actions and am continuing to pay. Every week on my university's campus I'm guaranteed to walk by a girl I've hurt in the past. This never used to bug me. Now it hurts me because I realize how wrong I have been. My misogynistic ways were a result of my past. My mother loved me conditionally, was unbelievably controlling, and damaged me really badly. I didn't realize till I talked to my father that I was irrationally hurting women because of this. I've been a little depressed this week out of sorrow. And I do know that I'm a little vulnerable at the moment. I'm in a process of dumping the player poison out of me. My situation now: I met a girl at a party a couple of weeks ago. She's attractive, seems fun, and made it clear to me that she was into me. She is also a freshmen. I'm a senior. Yes, I know the cards aren't exactly perfectly matched. Anyways, she placed her hands on my sides playfully while talking to me. That night I got her number. I texted her after and set something up with her last Thursday. So then Thursday night, I picked her up from campus. I had her over, we watched Zoolander and played a drinking game to it. The whole time I know I demonstrated little concern in getting to know her. But, she cuddled up to me when we were watching the movie. As it ended we looked into each other's eyes and I started kissing her. We touched each other and it got a little hot and heavy. Being the stupid player I was at the time, I pushed for sex. She told me she was uncomfortable with that because my roommates were in the other room. I told her not to worry, and that they aren't stupid. She was still not cool with the idea so I stopped. I let her drive my car back. I had stupidly joked about being drunk. I could have driven. So I let her so she wouldn't be uncomfortable. She pulls up to a stop sign in front of the dorms. We get out, I give her a quick peck, she says she had fun (didn't quite buy it), and then walks to her dorm. I knew this was a bad sign, but was in denial all weekend. I'm used to feeling entitled with girls. I texted her that Saturday. The response times were slower. In one text I said I would like to see her again. But, she never responded. I thought a lot about this. I know its because I pushed for sex and didn't show her that I cared to get to know her. I think she really wanted to like me. She had a healthy self-esteem, and was not the typical attractive low self-esteem girl I'm used to. I actually thought she was cool though. I liked her. I could see our personalities fitting together, but I was so f@cked up at the time. I know... Now you know how it feels *********. I hate this. I hate that I'm caught up on her. I never get caught up on girls. I wish I could hit a restart button with her and show her that I actually want to get to know her. But in my book, once you blow it with a girl, it's done. Please. Is this salvageable? How can I fix this? P.S. I've been day dreaming of running into her all week. Wow, I'm a train wreck right now. I sound like a little b1tch. I've been playing scenarios through my head where I tell her it's unfortunate I didn't show her that I cared to know her. In my head I ask her out after that and she agrees.
ascendotum Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 (edited) 'In recovery' - I expected to hear some saga from an older guy involving some girl that he played but then realizes she was actually a pretty special girl and maybe its time to pick one. But not this. You are still so young, and this story just involves 1 weekend and you didn't even get to play her. This is nothing, just a swing & a miss. It happens and you move on. You need to hit the clubs with your friends and snap out of this funk you're in. No womanizer worthy of the term would get all love struck at such a young age as you. Are you keeping up your fitness and a good quality diet. Somethings wrong for you to getting these things called feelings. That's for chumps and older hasbeen playas. Its just temporary loss of confidence...you'll be fine. Move on and pick up another insecure ditzy girl this weekend and you'll soon be back in the groove. Edited October 18, 2013 by ascendotum
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