Superzigzag Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Hi there, new person here but I could really do with some advice. My last girlfriend was almost 3 years ago and since then I've dated and never really liked anyone to get into anything more serious, I thought I was broken to be honest haha. So 1 month ago this girl and I start chatting and we seem to hit it off, from the get go I feel very happy around her and different to how I've felt in ages, we text and talk everyday and I can tell she likes me. I go up to London with friends for a week and my friends moving up so I tell him hopefully there's some good looking girls in London for him since he was looking. I come back and me and the girl carry on meeting, it's great, after we spend the night over her friends house and her friends boyfriend, I ask her to be my girlfriend, she says yes (something I haven't asked in a long time) a week later after texting and stuff she sends me a Facebook link of me telling my friend there'll be some goodlooking girls in London and gets upset and angry, starts thinking I'm a different sort of guy and maybe I'm not what she's looking for. A previous guy she was with cheated on her a few times. I reassure her and she eventually accepts what I say, that was last Friday. I saw her Saturday then and felt insecure about us and felt like I needed to prove I cared a lot, we had a good night but I said some mushy stuff like I thought she was beautiful etc, looking back maybe too soon for that and basically acting quite eager I think. A day later she tells me she wants to talk and basically feels like we shouldn't be going out yet, she wanted to take things slow which she did say early on but I guess got swept up with me as well. She then reassured she still liked me etc just to take things slow so I agreed. Since Sunday though she's been increasingly more distant, I brought it up but she said she's fine and just wants to take it slow, not distant etc. after that I made a decision to back off a bit and So on Tuesday we went out for some food and I played it cool, made her giggle and just tried to have a good time, I did notice a few signs like not grabbing my hand like usual but after food she's a bit more like before. Before I leave she says she'll text when she gets back but the conversation is very short where as from a week ago we'd talk loads. I tell her I'm gonna go round my friends and I'll leave her to it after I decide not to initiate the texting for a while, today no communication at all which is a first. But yeah It is getting to me a bit. So yeah there's the long winded story, sorry for that but I wanted to give the full picture. I don't know whether to back off now and leave her to herself for a while? Hopefully things haven't fizzed out. I read back on this and fully realize I sound like an idiot haha but I guess that's what liking someone does, some advice would be great on this as I don't know right now
Bigcitydreamer Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 No you don't sound like an idiot, it happens to the best of us. I would DEFINITELY back off and do not initiate texting. Don't text her for at least a week. I'd go longer because I've been that girl telling a guy to take things slower. She's on the fence whether she likes you and the more she misses you the more she will like you. That's my 2 cents. 1
Author Superzigzag Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Thanks for the response, fast forward 2 days later and she responded yesterday asking me whats wrong, i said nothing ive just been busy and i thought you had too. She says fine, ill leave you to it then, seeming a little upset. We talk some more and she thinks its not working out, tells me its scared her how fast things have moved, for myself and her. Going back literally 2 weeks ago though, she was introducing me to her family and stuff and how thats a big step for her and so ive had some pretty mixed signals lol. I could tell she liked me alot, but after we chatted last night she brought up how she was in a serious relationship only last may and that it was a year long, past week shes realized she doesnt want to jump straight into something serious but to instead ease herself in and just go on nice meals without anything too serious yet. I said im happy to just date casually and see what happens further down the line but she thinks its been ruined already now. Sad times, I proposed we just go on 2 more dates, have fun and see what happens, if it doesnt work out, we can just walk away from it and id be happy with that but that was early today and no response so ive just left it for now, its ironic though, haven't liked any girl ive dated all that much in 3 years then this girl comes along and im a mess haha
todreaminblue Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 i think the face book link set her radar off and because she does like you shes scared pure and simple.so she over reacted..give her time when she got upset you hadnt contacted her...thats a tell....this girl likes you and is gun shy.....time patience effort...dotn leave off contacting her send her light hearted messages common interests o rjust a hey how are you today.......nothing liek pressure...but regular contact....thats my opinion anyway.... to show you care and are interested in her you need to actually actively still be there......best wishes....deb
Author Superzigzag Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 thanks for the advice, thing is I confronted her about the Facebook post when we spoke the other day and she said it was nothing to do with that at all. Perhaps hiding the truth but she seemed certain it was more about the fact that things were going too fast. Anyway, I left her with that text that we go on 2 more dates and just have fun and see what happens but she hasn't responded since. I want to call her but I've followed your advice and not said anything.
Author Superzigzag Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 So we talked some more tonight, she's told me pretty much she just isn't ready for a relationship/dating and sorry she led me on to begin with but that she's been in quite a few serious relationships before this and needs time to be alone, she said she swore it was nothing to do with me and that she's sorry, we talked for a little while and she told me how crap she felt. So I put on my it's cool face and we said our goodbyes. I am pretty upset about the whole thing and don't really know what to do with myself now because I saw us going somewhere and she genuinely felt like a really rare girl to me but I guess that's just how it goes sometimes.
Author Superzigzag Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 I like this a lot, what you said made a lot of sense and that batman paragraph actually made me laugh out loud so cheers for that. I'll concentrate on myself and just my own personal goals in life for a while, gym is actually on the cards tomorrow and I'll just try to enjoy my day. There was just something about her but it's over now and hopefully everything does happen for a reason. Again though, your advice helped to make me feel not so alone in a time like this so a big thankyou. Time to move on with things, we only get one shot in this world, so no sense wasting it
scorpiogirl Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 If she really is just not ready as she said, then yes she may be back. Just respect her request and don't contact her in the hopes that if you stay in touch you will be on her mind thus she will want to be with you. I've been in the position where I've needed space from someone and they agreed but then were constantly in my face. That pushed me so far away from them that I never wanted to see them again. Just keep your distance. She may be back or she may not but you won't be waiting around either way. 1
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