Pure Life Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 So I guess this is really more of a vent than anything. So I met this really awesome guy recently and turns out he likes me too, as he's told my friend. But of course he has a girlfriend. He's a very respectable guy according to my friends who know him pretty well. And I guess according to them, he's been on the fence about ending his relationship. Now I'm a good person too. And I've made it my goal to never be a home wrecker since my ex pulled that stuff on me. We (me and my group of people we go out with) all know he has a gf, he's aware of it (obviously), and they've all reminded him as well to not forget that. We've set boundaries so we can all hang out, just not allowed to do anything inappropriate of course. Even if he decided he was going to, I wouldn't let him. I've never had this type of situation before and now I can kind of see why people cheat. I would never condone it but man, he's an awesome guy and it would be cool to go further with it but gotta keep it at the friend zone level. It almost sucks to have morals haha. Some of my friends say "go for it. It's not your fault that he's perusing you." Bad influences lol. That's not how I roll. I'm not trying to sway him either way, I want the decision to be for HIM and not for me if he does end up moving on from his relationship. So I guess we'll see in time. And I've had a few people say he's emotionally cheating...I don't think so. Nothing wrong with admitting your relationship is getting dry or you decide you want something different. We don't do anything inappropriate, just hang out as friends in a large group.
MrCastle Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 The question is, did his relationship start drying up before or after you came into the picture? I have been in that position before. Meeting a girl who is taken, and then us becoming attracted to each other. It has always ended badly though. First off, they never leave their partner for you. As crappy as their relationship may be, most people never respectfully break up with their SO and then pursue that other person. They either cheat on their SO with you, which I won't do, or they stop contacting you altogether out of pure guilt. It's tough, but my advice to you would be to stay clear of this guy as much as you can until he breaks up with his girlfriend. If that happens, you swoop in like a vulture. The few times I sat back and said "let me give them time to heal," some other guy was already in the picture and I lost my place. Once you know he's single, you dive in. But until then, hands off. 1
tlegend Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 The question is, did his relationship start drying up before or after you came into the picture? I have been in that position before. Meeting a girl who is taken, and then us becoming attracted to each other. It has always ended badly though. First off, they never leave their partner for you. As crappy as their relationship may be, most people never respectfully break up with their SO and then pursue that other person. They either cheat on their SO with you, which I won't do, or they stop contacting you altogether out of pure guilt. It's tough, but my advice to you would be to stay clear of this guy as much as you can until he breaks up with his girlfriend. If that happens, you swoop in like a vulture. The few times I sat back and said "let me give them time to heal," some other guy was already in the picture and I lost my place. Once you know he's single, you dive in. But until then, hands off. Awesome advice. I couldn't agree more. The fact that he hasn't ended the relationship, but he's already pursuing you, should tell you LOADS about this "AWESOME" guy. He's SO awesome, he can't handle is his relationship and baggage before he tries finding someone to replace her. Be wary, proceed with caution, but good luck! 1
Carenth Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 So this says a lot about this "awesome" guys character if he's tippy toeing around the idea of fooling around whilst in a relationship. Don't think you will be the exception if you end up with him. How people treat people before you is generally a pretty good indicator of how they will treat others later. In other words do you want another person like your ex? I would be keeping this guy at an arms length if you honestly respect the relationship he is in. Sure if they break up make your move until then stay away nothing good will come of it. Emotional cheating is just as bad in my opinion. He needs to get some balls and drop his relationship if he is that unhappy. I very much doubt you would be thrilled to learn about this if you were on the other foot.
tlegend Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 So this says a lot about this "awesome" guys character if he's tippy toeing around the idea of fooling around whilst in a relationship. Don't think you will be the exception if you end up with him. How people treat people before you is generally a pretty good indicator of how they will treat others later. In other words do you want another person like your ex? I would be keeping this guy at an arms length if you honestly respect the relationship he is in. Sure if they break up make your move until then stay away nothing good will come of it. Emotional cheating is just as bad in my opinion. He needs to get some balls and drop his relationship if he is that unhappy. I very much doubt you would be thrilled to learn about this if you were on the other foot. It's all fun and games and "ok" until its the other way around. 1
Author Pure Life Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 The question is, did his relationship start drying up before or after you came into the picture? I have been in that position before. Meeting a girl who is taken, and then us becoming attracted to each other. It has always ended badly though. First off, they never leave their partner for you. As crappy as their relationship may be, most people never respectfully break up with their SO and then pursue that other person. They either cheat on their SO with you, which I won't do, or they stop contacting you altogether out of pure guilt. It's tough, but my advice to you would be to stay clear of this guy as much as you can until he breaks up with his girlfriend. If that happens, you swoop in like a vulture. The few times I sat back and said "let me give them time to heal," some other guy was already in the picture and I lost my place. Once you know he's single, you dive in. But until then, hands off. To the first question, yes. He was already thinking about ending it well before he met me. This thread kind of went the direction I thought it would. lol. He's not cheating on her, physically or emotionally. The only time we hang out is with our big group of friends and we do are own thing anyway. Nothing wrong with hanging out. I just happened to find out that he likes me. I'm not touching it with a ten foot pole until he's single. "Emotional cheating is just as bad in my opinion. He needs to get some balls and drop his relationship if he is that unhappy. I very much doubt you would be thrilled to learn about this if you were on the other foot." --Hence why I'm not doing anything. My ex did that to me, and actually started dating people behind my back and then broke up with me until he found someone else. Which is why I'm not going to do that.
ScienceGal Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 (edited) But of course he has a girlfriend. No no no no no. Next... When you're in a bad relationship, you get out of it. Game over, done. You don't stay in it and wait for a chance to leap frog into another person's arms. Recipe for disaster. It's unhealthy, selfish, and cowardly. I speak from experience. Don't be on the giving or receiving end of this type of behavior. Edited October 18, 2013 by ScienceGal
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