vagabonder Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I'm a single mom, been divorced for 3 years now. I joined a gym earlier this year and a few of the trainers will often come over and offer me advice if they see my form is off or with other suggestions, but never a lot of talk about personal stuff. There is one in particular that has always been very generous with advice. Again, we don't exchange much in the way of personal information, but I like his personality *a lot.* He seems a bit of a geeky trainer, and while he is fit, he is not "macho." The weight room is fairly small, so I can often overhear him with his clients and just really admire how nice he is. We have shared some laughs over small talk, and he seems to look at me with a gaze longer than normal that suggests he may be interested in me. I developed a pretty intense crush on him months ago and finally just recently signed up for some sessions with him. The time between our sessions, he has consumed my thoughts, though. I checked his fb profile, and it says he is single. I have no idea if I should just take the plunge and ask him out or just start avoiding him there so I can move on and get over him. I am 8 years older than him, so I worry about the age difference, and I don't want to overstep the boundaries of his working environment. I can't tell if it is all in my head that it is a mutual attraction or if he really would be interested in the next level. Should I take the chance and ask him out or just try to get over him?
TheGuard13 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 In terms of gauging his interest... Are you paying for the sessions? And did he ever try to sell them to you?
Author vagabonder Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 He never tried to sell me the sessions. For months he has offered free advice, but never even mentioned sessions to me. It came up one day when three of the trainers were talking to me and I think even one of the others suggested them. I am paying for them, though. But, again, most of our relationship was prior to having sessions together, so I'm hoping that signing up for sessions didn't ruin the chances of dating.
Mascara Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Problem is, if you're wrong you'll have to find another gym. Well, that might be extreme, but the point is... it's hard to pinpoint where his professional interest and customer service ends... And his interest in you begins. This sounds vague, but I'd demonstrate interest without actually asking him? In other words, show that you'd be receptive. I wouldn't actually approach him myself.
ascendotum Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 YOLO....go for it but be prepared for a knock back. I don't think you should come out directly and ask him out, but rather fish first for his feelings towards you. Fish, by escalating flirting with him and or asking him more about his private life, leading to comments his social life and girls. You could make comments along the lines of...I bet a lot of the women here have hit on you over the years, or have you ever gone on a date with any of the women here, etc. Sus him out based on his answers and response to your subtle flirting. I guess it also depends what you want out of it in terms of a fling or LTR. Good looking personal trainers tend to have high partner counts (generalization). 1
Author vagabonder Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Part of my issue is that whereas I am comfortable making small talk with strangers, I have never been comfortable with more outward forward flirting or asking questions to suggest I am interested. So, I wouldn't know how to comfortably show interest in him. Plus, the gym has gotten very busy, so there are always people around and listening, which makes it extra awkward. I don't get the impression he is the stereo-typical trainer that can or does have a lot of women. He comes off a bit geeky and has a high-pitched voice. When I first met him, I had no interest for these reasons, but as I have gotten to know him better, the attraction has largely come from his personality. If it makes a difference, most people think I look younger than I actually am. So, I think initially that would not be a turn-off for him, but more so of a down-the-road issue if it were to progress to that. Thanks for all the comments. It helps to think through this. The other equation is that if I don't ask, I really need to find a way to get over him, which I haven't figured out how to do.
AMusing Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 If your trainer takes his job seriously, he's not going to risk it to ask you out. In my gym, at least, trainers were strictly prohibited from dating their clients. Besides, him making overt moves on his clients (especially when the client is not receptive, but even when she is) would make other gym members question his professionalism. So if you really want an answer, you'll probably have to do the asking. Before you do, though, I'd recommend asking yourself: A) How comfortable you'll be at that gym if he turns you down, or how easy it would be for to switch gyms. B) If you can honestly see a good relationship developing with him if he said yes. You mentioned his age being a concern, for example; does he have kids? Want them? Etc. Only you answer those questions, but maybe they'll help steer you in the right direction. Personally, I just let the crush ride out and enjoy the ridiculous feelings. Eventually they die out on their own.
truth_seeker Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 I know a personal trainer who met his wife by training her. She was his client. So, it can happen. The age gap doesn't matter as long as the two of you click. If he likes you, and you like him, nothing will get in the way of you two hooking up. I agree with others that you should do some intel work before you ask him out.
Leigh 87 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 I banged my trainer. A few years ago. It was super awkward when .... yeah. When he wasn't interested after the sex part and I was more keen than he was, it was hard to see him around the gym. Only go for it if you are prepared to get shut down. Prepare yourself for your you would handle it. For instance, try to keep things friendly and easy between you guys IF he were to shut you down. If he shut you down, it would be nice of you to say " hey, so that's fine, listen, I like talking to you and hearing your advice, I hope it's still cool if we carry on as usual and not let things get awkward!
Leigh 87 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 By the way, I did the right thing and backed off from him. A year later, he hit me up again. Sans sex, too! He was interested in just being my friend, though he wouldn't have turned sex away had I wanted it! If you go into damage control, there is no reason why he will avoid you forever. You may even end up being friends, or at the very least, polite and still talkative towards each other:)
Author vagabonder Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 This guy seems like a genuinely nice guy, so I don't think he would be likely to use me for sex. Although, being a busy single mom, I wouldn't be opposed to a FWB situation with him. truth_seeker - that is an awesome story! If he did turn me down, I think overall I would be okay with still being around him. I more so wouldn't want to make it awkward for him. And part of the tough thing here is, I don't in any way want to cause problems for him in his work environment. I think actually if I don't in some way pursue it, I may have to change gyms because this crush has been going on for 6 months and I think the only way I can possibly shake it is to just not be around him anymore. At least if he rejects me then my mind will shut down all the fantasies. I do think I need to do more "intel work," but just don't know how. I feel like we don't get much opportunity to really talk, especially now that the gym has gotten so much busier. Any ideas for a shy girl to broach the subject?
truth_seeker Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 For starters, single mom interested in a FWB sounds HOT! I love how you've been secretly crushing on this guy for 6 months! The sex - if it ever happens - would be so explosive! This geek trainer has no idea how mind-blowing it would be! Other than that, I think your best bet would be to ask him for a free session. lol.
GoreSP Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 In some gyms, trainers are encouraged to flirt back with clients so I would go the 'flirt to see if he's interested' route. However, I think you should definitely go for it. Worse thing that will happen, he will say no thanks and you can either change gyms, show up when he's not working or simply ignore his presence if it's too awkward for you after.
Phantom888 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 The age gap is not a big deal. If you are interested in FWB, and he is a healthy male with no attachment (girlfriend), then there is really no reason he would turn you down unless you are absolutely not his type. Isn't it a porn fantasy to be working out and then have sex right there?
Author vagabonder Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Truth_seeker - glad you think it sounds hot! I hope he does, too! I have had a few sessions with him but it's gotten too crowded to talk personal during them. I wish I wasn't so shy about flirting, either. And I'm just not sure either if a fwb deal would be appealing to "nice" guys?
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