Should I make my facebook public, so he can see I am "moving on"?

[harrybrown]

Keep up with the NC. If you still have the calender and can not throw it away, have a ceremony with the calender. Burn the calender and burn him out of your life.

 

Do something positive for yourself today. Exercise or go shopping with friends. Try to make plans for the future with someone new.

[Janni]

I've asked myself this same question. However, I've always kept everything private, so it's gonna be super obvious if I make it public...

 

So have I. It really gave me a sense of peace to block him. Maybe you should try it? You can always unblock him again.

 

Keep up with the NC. If you still have the calender and can not throw it away, have a ceremony with the calender. Burn the calender and burn him out of your life.

 

Do something positive for yourself today. Exercise or go shopping with friends. Try to make plans for the future with someone new.

 

I will consider this. But I believe I need some time still. It's in my basement and won't be "staring" at me.

 

The day is almost over, here where I am. (6.30pm) but I feel kinda good about myself about today - I went to school, went to the bloodbank (unfortunately I've been to Thailand so I'm in quarantine) then I scheduled an appointment for a tattoo tomorrow (my first!) and I worked on a presentation for class tomorrow, with my classmates for 2-3 hours. I feel quite proud of myself.

[AnyaNova]

I would say that it is your choice (back to the OP), and you have to be comfortable with it. But whyever you do it, do it for YOU!

 

I switched mine back to public recently, but I did it because I was returning it to the state it was in before I met him and before the breakup and before our last meeting.

 

I did it for me, because I try to comport myself so as not to have anything to hide, and continuing to have it on private so that he couldn't see it, was still to my mind saying that he had some power over me that I had to shut him out deliberately.

 

He can look at it or not. I really don't care what he chooses to do in that regard.

 

When I put it on private after our last meeting, I did so on the premise that he didn't deserve more access to my life than I got to his (he always had his private, he unfriended me, though, after our last meeting). But now, it seems like keeping it that way gives him more power over me than he should get.

 

It has to be about you, what you were before, and what you want to be now.

[Janni]

I would say that it is your choice (back to the OP), and you have to be comfortable with it. But whyever you do it, do it for YOU!

 

I switched mine back to public recently, but I did it because I was returning it to the state it was in before I met him and before the breakup and before our last meeting.

 

I did it for me, because I try to comport myself so as not to have anything to hide, and continuing to have it on private so that he couldn't see it, was still to my mind saying that he had some power over me that I had to shut him out deliberately.

 

He can look at it or not. I really don't care what he chooses to do in that regard.

 

When I put it on private after our last meeting, I did so on the premise that he didn't deserve more access to my life than I got to his (he always had his private, he unfriended me, though, after our last meeting). But now, it seems like keeping it that way gives him more power over me than he should get.

 

It has to be about you, what you were before, and what you want to be now.

 

Yes. That's why I am keeping it private - I always had it private, because I don't like it when people I dont know can see my pictures and stuff. So i'll keep it that way.

[Trimmer]

Based on your post, I should def throw the calendar out, but I just can't. I really can't explain why. I've thought it over these past days and I just can't. I know there's no point in keeping it. It will always remind me of what I don't have anymore. And since I have decided I am not going back to him no matter what, it won't ever become a good thing again. So it really should just go straight in the trash. But I can't and that hurts me.

Hey, believe me, I understand the emotional attachments, and even when it may be clear - to your mind - that you need to do something, you can't alway manage to feel it that clearly emotionally.

 

First of all, go easy on yourself. This is normal and not a sign of weakness or dysfunction. It's hard to let go of things, and that is normal.

 

Maybe there's a bit of a middle ground here - take smaller steps. If you can't get rid of it for now, let's at least lower its status. Find yourself a used, dirty old manila envelope from some piece of junk mail or something. Wherever that calendar is right now, get it and put it in this manila folder, and maybe put that in a garbage bag or something, and then let's find a place for it that will lower its status, although you won't be throwing it out. No longer keeping it in your underwear drawer, or a special spot on the closet shelf.

 

Find a spot down near the floor, which is unimportant and ordinary, where you won't be running into it regularly. Ideally a spot where you can forget about it eventually. Maybe under the kitchen sink, way at the back, behind the cleaning supplies, or in the broom closet, down next to where you keep the vacuum cleaner. (You see, this tells you something about my life - if I were to put something near cleaning supplies, I would almost never come across it again! )

 

You can't throw it out (yet) - that's OK for now. Just lower its status; make it less important, and move it out of the mainstream part of your life. Pick some spot where you won't generally be reminded of it, where it doesn't hold a special spot, and where it can just kinda.... be less important. That will still be an action, some kind of an affirmative, positive, forward step, even if you can't completely discard it (yet!), and it will also tend to move it away from drawing attention to itself. You may find it easier to just forget about it than to throw it away for right now.

 

And then, if some day, in a fit of energy, you find - even for a moment - that you have the strength to throw it out, you go and do it!

 

One step at a time. Even moving forward a little bit is moving forward. Be as strong as you can - meet the challenges with all your energy and enthusiasm, but also go easy on yourself for being human.

[Janni]

Hey, believe me, I understand the emotional attachments, and even when it may be clear - to your mind - that you need to do something, you can't alway manage to feel it that clearly emotionally.

 

First of all, go easy on yourself. This is normal and not a sign of weakness or dysfunction. It's hard to let go of things, and that is normal.

 

Maybe there's a bit of a middle ground here - take smaller steps. If you can't get rid of it for now, let's at least lower its status. Find yourself a used, dirty old manila envelope from some piece of junk mail or something. Wherever that calendar is right now, get it and put it in this manila folder, and maybe put that in a garbage bag or something, and then let's find a place for it that will lower its status, although you won't be throwing it out. No longer keeping it in your underwear drawer, or a special spot on the closet shelf.

 

Find a spot down near the floor, which is unimportant and ordinary, where you won't be running into it regularly. Ideally a spot where you can forget about it eventually. Maybe under the kitchen sink, way at the back, behind the cleaning supplies, or in the broom closet, down next to where you keep the vacuum cleaner. (You see, this tells you something about my life - if I were to put something near cleaning supplies, I would almost never come across it again! )

 

You can't throw it out (yet) - that's OK for now. Just lower its status; make it less important, and move it out of the mainstream part of your life. Pick some spot where you won't generally be reminded of it, where it doesn't hold a special spot, and where it can just kinda.... be less important. That will still be an action, some kind of an affirmative, positive, forward step, even if you can't completely discard it (yet!), and it will also tend to move it away from drawing attention to itself. You may find it easier to just forget about it than to throw it away for right now.

 

And then, if some day, in a fit of energy, you find - even for a moment - that you have the strength to throw it out, you go and do it!

 

One step at a time. Even moving forward a little bit is moving forward. Be as strong as you can - meet the challenges with all your energy and enthusiasm, but also go easy on yourself for being human.

 

Wow. Could you be my life coach please? You tell me exactly what I need to hear. Though something happened.

 

Yesterday my ex e-mail me (After trying to contact me through text, call and facebook. All blocked) and basically tried to blame me for his financial problems. (I am freaking out. My ex just e-mailed me after 4 weeks of NC!!)

 

So.. of course it had a big impact on me. Still does today. But basically it made me feel even less attracted to him. It made me feel disgust and contempt towards him. What I want to say is that I think I am ready. I am going to burn that calendar.