conf Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I am in NC for 4 months with my ex who maybe has GIGS (You can find more information on previous threads of mine). The fact is that I am friend with the best friend of my ex for many years. Particularly i know her more years than i know my ex (Almost 15 years). While i ve been in relationship with my ex i had some activities (mostly sports or watching tv series) with our mutual friend. After the break up we keep doing these activities. Do you believe that this is not properly applied NC?
Never Again Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Depends on what you talk to this mutual friend about. Never ask or talk about your ex. And either ask this friend to never talk to your ex about you, or don't tell this friend anything about yourself. If they really are your friend, they'll try their best to not pass information back and forth. 1
Author conf Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 The first 15 days i talked to her about my ex. But after this period i ve stopped doing that. We talk about everything except my relationship although she told me that she has no problem talking about that because she is my friend. But i dont want to put her in awkard position. Also i dont have any intention to talk to her about any future relationship as i dont want to my ex learning it by accident. It 's weird to not be able to talk about your relationships to a friend of 15 years who is also able to give a good advice but i think i have to live with that. Firstly the problem was that sometimes i read between the lines and i hypothetized things about my ex. This was hurtful but now i dont care as I have a big part of the truth and i enjoy the activities we do. The matter is that i am scared of seeing her on a subconscious level as the open door about a future reconciliation. (I ve blocked my ex on everywhere, so she is the only way to reach me) Maybe she is the last glimpse of hope that i have to let go in order to have truly move on. But i dont know... Many times I question myself: would i have move on sooner if i did not talk to her? Pffffffff... i dont know........
Beautiful diamond Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 That's really tricky. But if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, you know the rest. Your convincing yourself that talking to this mutual friend is not hurting you moving on, but it is. The whole post was centered around your ex, but your friend is not bringing him up. That's a sign that, subconsciously you are hoping this mutual friend will help in reuniting you and your ex. You may deny this now, but in time, after the anger and shock wears off, it will be too tempting. You may explode one day, and your friend will be the recipient. If you want to move on, you have to let the friendship go, for an extended period of time. You don't have to do it hardly, just let her know, you can't move on with the close connection to your ex remaining. She should understand and be ready to resume the friendship after enough healing has taken place.
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