travelonic Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 No, its not. Do some research before giving your opinion. And what research would that be? If you use just your personal experience, you've got too small a sample size [just 1 person] to make that assumption. If you go on this site, you get a larger sample size, but a good mix of variety of outcomes - but still hardly as good IMO as a sample size from talking to people offline, and online browsing more than just one website/forum... and also there is the opinion, that makes sense IMO, that we don't hear so often because, well, why would they come back here after things worked out if that in fact happened? And even then, you also gotta factor in the WHY. Odds are, issues that contributed to the break up resurfaced. All that tells you is that if the chance comes, work needs to be done - both during, and before the reconciliation - to resolve those issues to increase the chances that things won't just go back down the ****ter again.
all_cats_rgray Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 And what research would that be? If you use just your personal experience, you've got too small a sample size [just 1 person] to make that assumption. If you go on this site, you get a larger sample size, but a good mix of variety of outcomes - but still hardly as good IMO as a sample size from talking to people offline, and online browsing more than just one website/forum... and also there is the opinion, that makes sense IMO, that we don't hear so often because, well, why would they come back here after things worked out if that in fact happened? And even then, you also gotta factor in the WHY. Odds are, issues that contributed to the break up resurfaced. All that tells you is that if the chance comes, work needs to be done - both during, and before the reconciliation - to resolve those issues to increase the chances that things won't just go back down the ****ter again. I don't understand why some people are so crazy about "making things work"... if it's not working, it's not working. In life you have to go with the grain. .. not against. Statistically who second changes don't work out! you can tell yourself your different, your special. But, your not. THATS NOT A BAD THING. I know you think hey, f.u..c.k the number. People get back together. BUT really should they. My brother tried so hard to "make it work" he ended up in a very loveless marriage. I'v never seen him so unhappy. Sometimes it breaks down cause it was meant to . I had a 7 year break down in a 15 minuets. Stop fighting... let it go.
h0000 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 People want to make things work because letting go is a sad thing. And you dont wanna just give up and no fighting. (If you always give up how can you ever succeed anything?)You also have good memories and you cant turn your feelings off like a switch no matter how much you want to. So it's very nature to fight. I think second chances happens quite often but its rare that people actually try to change and that's why it doesn't work. Nothing is totally "meant to" or not and it's certainly not just a "right" or "wrong" thing to go back together. If both of you are willing to change then I don't see why it definitely will crush again. Actually I dont believe all those old married couple have never broken up once during their so many years relationship. 1
all_cats_rgray Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 People want to make things work because letting go is a sad thing. And you dont wanna just give up and no fighting. (If you always give up how can you ever succeed anything?)You also have good memories and you cant turn your feelings off like a switch no matter how much you want to. So it's very nature to fight. I think second chances happens quite often but its rare that people actually try to change and that's why it doesn't work. Nothing is totally "meant to" or not and it's certainly not just a "right" or "wrong" thing to go back together. If both of you are willing to change then I don't see why it definitely will crush again. Actually I dont believe all those old married couple have never broken up once during their so many years relationship. I used to be all about second chances. I WAS FULLY, in your boat. But, after all the waiting, all the one sided trying, ONE sided love. I'v never wanted more then anything to work on things. BUT they don't and what does that say about their feeling for you. The don't have anymore. I'v never in my life felt so alone, so emotionally abused. The absents is like a kick in the gut. The amount of pain they have cause... well I just don't think my love for them is there anymore. So we have ended up with no love. People said it's different breaking up with someone you once had strong feels for vs. a relationship where it never left the ground. BUT ONCE had feelings is the main point. Once the feeling's are gone its the same as if they never loved you. I don't believe that when they come back its because they want to try. That the light has magically made them see that you are worth fighting for. It's cause life is hard for THEM. things aren't how THEY want it. NO one wakes up and pulls love out of their a.s.s. If its not there, it will never be there. 1
conf Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I used to be all about second chances. I WAS FULLY, in your boat. But, after all the waiting, all the one sided trying, ONE sided love. I'v never wanted more then anything to work on things. BUT they don't and what does that say about their feeling for you. The don't have anymore. I'v never in my life felt so alone, so emotionally abused. The absents is like a kick in the gut. The amount of pain they have cause... well I just don't think my love for them is there anymore. So we have ended up with no love. People said it's different breaking up with someone you once had strong feels for vs. a relationship where it never left the ground. BUT ONCE had feelings is the main point. Once the feeling's are gone its the same as if they never loved you. I don't believe that when they come back its because they want to try. That the light has magically made them see that you are worth fighting for. It's cause life is hard for THEM. things aren't how THEY want it. NO one wakes up and pulls love out of their a.s.s. If its not there, it will never be there. And if the reason of the break up is lack of maturity and the dumpers want to explore the world before the settle down? If the reason of break up is the distance? sometimes relationships fail because of extrinsic factors, not because of lack of love or incompatibilities issues
travelonic Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 And if the reason of the break up is lack of maturity and the dumpers want to explore the world before the settle down? If the reason of break up is the distance? sometimes relationships fail because of extrinsic factors, not because of lack of love or incompatibilities issues Agree'd, there are a LOT of reasons, factors that can be a part of, or even why the thing falls apart.
all_cats_rgray Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 And if the reason of the break up is lack of maturity and the dumpers want to explore the world before the settle down? If the reason of break up is the distance? sometimes relationships fail because of extrinsic factors, not because of lack of love or incompatibilities issues Those are the "reasons"... My ex hasn't explored, my ex is long distance, ext, ext, ext. If someone wants you, they will make it work.
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