lookingforbalance Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Hello LS crowd, I first want to say thanks again for all of the input that you all post on this site, it certainly helps me through difficult times. I am on day 74 since break up and day 40 NC. I have been progressively getting better, and have fielded several threads for help over the last 2+ months, thank you all for responses. I have been keeping active and busy, with family, friends, and activities in order to fill my time since breakup, and have benefited by slowly letting go and getting better. The one issue that I now find myself in is that I haven't been able to let go of the anger I feel towards her because she jumped into a relationship with a good friend of mine just a couple of weeks after she dumped me (I now know she was setting it up before she broke it off). If this would have been a "normal" breakup where she would have spent some time alone, or even had an immediate relationhsip with someone else, I would have understood and would be a lot further along in the process of healing. But I can't seem to let go of the anger towards her since she chose this path after our relationship was over. I think its a huge blow to the ego, and the added hurt from the lack of respect that she shows by choosing this behavior. My head tells me that this is her issue, lack of self esteem, serial monogamy, have to have someone at all times, etc. and has nothing to do with me. But it hurts just the same, even more when I have trouble controlling the thought of her and him together. I want nothing more than to be able to forgive so that I can move on, let it go, and prepare myself for my next relationship, but I find myself stuck on the anger that she has caused by being in this relationship. FYI we work in the same building so I am put into situations where I have to see her sometimes, which doesn't help. I have avoided her whenever possible, but we still cross paths from time to time. If anyone has any thoughts to help let go of the anger inside, I would really appreciate it. No matter what I have tried to do up to this point has not worked, and I want to let this whole relationship go, I am tired of hurting and wondering. Thanks for listening.
ponchsox Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 I made the mistake of taking my anger out on my ex through texting her below the belt things. Yeah, it helped me get out my frustrations but in hindsight I should have written them down in a journal. Anger is a normal part of getting through a breakup. Maybe go outside and yell really loud? I also found that lifting weights helped. I sent a personal squat record the week following our breakup, lol.
Author lookingforbalance Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Thanks for your thoughts. I started a specific workout regimen and have been on it two weeks. I can already feel the difference in my energy and clarity. I will step up the intensity when I am at the gym and see if that helps. I did also write a letter to her letting out all of the hurt I was feeling. Didn't send it of course. I just wish she understood and cared about how much this part of her actions and behavior hurt me. I can deal with the breakup, and even losing touch with her daughters if I have to ( not that I like it or want to), but the relationship with my friend it just disrespectful. Thanks for listening.
Blastoplast Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 When you get angry, tell yourself you're better than the anger -- because you are. You also deserve better and WILL find better than a girl who would leave you and get with one of your friends. You seem pretty level-headed, I think you'll be fine. Just remember, you're better than that *sounds like cheesey, self-affirmation bull**** -- but it's true
Author lookingforbalance Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Blast, thanks for the vote of confidence - it always helps to hear it from someone else. I will take the advice to heart!
crederer Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Honestly, embrace the anger. It will probably help you get over her faster than if you didn't feel angry. At least that has been my experiences in dating.
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