bohica Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Man. My head spins sometimes. I don't understand women. I went out with this girl. We went on three dates. I invested time and money. I liked her. We ended up having sex on the third date. I wasn't exactly sure what she wanted but I knew it was only proper to contact her the next day. I sent a text the next morning to say I had a good time. I called her a few days later and asked her out to which she said she was busy. I then called her later in the week to see if she was free that weekend. (because I had time open up and figured what the hell, give her a call. Can't hurt) Again, She said she was busy. I was confused. I was trying to do the right thing (i had previous posts on the subject) by calling after we had sex. I didn't want to seem like a dick and I wanted to show I was interested. However, part of me didn't want to contact her because I didn't want to seem too excited and end up scaring her off. I ended up contacting her but now she didn't seem too interested. I sensed it because of rejection me twice, her tone, and lack of enthusiasm. I sent a text saying she didn't really seem too interested anymore and to contact me if /when she was. I didn't want to waste my time or continue scaring her off. I was afraid of that in the first place. She recently told me that my persistence is what frightened her away and to not contact her. huh? I don't think I was being persistent at all. In addition If I didn't contact her after we had sex. Either the next day or the next week chances are she would have thought I was a dick. Unless of course I knew that she wanted to keep the distance and not be contacted. In which case I would have waited two weeks before calling. But I didn't know that. I mean WFT? Confused...
odin673 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I personally would have let it sit after the first communication attempt(you've already shown you are genuine). It doesn't sound like you went way overboard either. She probably lost interest and is using this as an excuse. Sex is like a handshake for this woman. Consider this a bullet dodged. You two are not on the same page value wise.
ScienceGal Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 From what you wrote, it doesn't seem like you did anything wrong. Seems considerate and respectful to me. Perhaps she's not looking to commit to anyone right now, or she didn't like the sex. Whatever the reason, don't let her discourage you. Find someone new, someone who appreciates your consideration. 3
truth_seeker Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 My guess: she didn't like you in bed, hence the rejection.
Author bohica Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Alright. I can get that it's possible she didn't like the sex. Trust me, the thought crossed my mind. I take no offense. I haven't had much complaints over the yrs. I have to say that the sex was actually pretty one sided. I could have asked for much more enthusiasm and reciprocation. If you understand what I'm saying. She did seem to enjoy some it, several times.... I got a sense it was a little selfish and that she kind of knew that night prior to sex that she wasn't going to see me again. But there is truth to the fact that although your first time with someone can leave an impression it is also your first time. I was actually pretty nervous. It had actually been a while.
truth_seeker Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 You're in NYC... expect this A LOT. She's probably trying out several guys right now. Whoever fulfills her needs will stick.
Author bohica Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 You're in NYC... expect this A LOT. She's probably trying out several guys right now. Whoever fulfills her needs will stick. Possibly very true. One minor slip up in her mind and your gone. No second chances. You know what. Be honest. Why go out with me three times only to allow something minor to ruined it. She should have just said how she personally felt about it then expressed that she still had interest. Truth is that she probably would have done just that if she were interested. So, all she did was confirm what I thought (that she wasn't interested) and made me feel like she used me for a few good meals and a quick lay. Instead of reassuring me that she was interested. She's the one that comes off looking bad. I was just being myself and trying to take the initiative. Even if she wanted something casual I would have been ok with that. Communication folks.... This is one reason I hate traditional dating. Not crying about the money but I spent a few hundred on this girl only to have her ignore me and turn me down. I guess at least I had sex...It just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.
truth_seeker Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 You never know, go cold on her and in 2-3 weeks you may get a booty call.
clia Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I remember you because you wouldn't listen to my advice. If I recall correctly from your previous threads, after the sex, you called her up on a Tuesday or Wednesday (I can't remember) and asked her to go to the beach that day. Not surprisingly, she already had plans for that day. Then, rather than make plans right then and there for the next time, you let it go. You then called her on Friday and asked her out for Sunday. Again, not surprisingly, she already had plans. She then asked you for a weekday. Up until this point, your only error was repeatedly asking her out at the last minute and getting all worried because she already had plans. From your previous thread, here is where I believe your persistence began to alarm her: I think she is seeing other people. This is the update. I called her this afternoon to ask her out this Sunday as I have an unexpected day off. She didn't answer so I left a message. That was around 1:30pm. I know she wasn't working. Around 730 I still hadn't heard from her so isent a quick text asking uf she got my message. I waited an hour then sent another text saying I get the feeling she isn't interested anymore and that I'm stopping by in a few days to get my item. At the very moment I pressed send to send that text I got one from her saying she already had plans for Sunday.She asked for sometime during the week. I just said Listen I like you and I am enjoy ing getting to know you but I'm sensing you have ither rhing going on. I said " I'm open to continuing getting to know her but she needs to Let me know if your interested and when your available". I can't play guessing games and I won't chase someone who is going to reject my offers. I asked if I can call her but she said she's out to dinner. What, out to dinner on a Friday night? You must be joking! I'm really not trying to sound like a jerk, but you seemed to expect her to have no life outside of you. She wasn't "rejecting your offers" -- she already had things planned when you twice asked her out at the last minute. Hell, you were calling her on a Friday afternoon/evening trying to make plans. Today is Thursday where I am, and I already have my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday planned out. If a guy were to hypothetically ask me out for this weekend, no matter how much I liked him, I would have to decline. People make plans. She asked you for a weekday. Instead of just picking a weekday, you got all butthurt that she has a life outside of you and sent her a big, long text. Your repeated texts and calls last Friday would have totally turned me off. It makes you come across as so insecure. That is the persistent behavior she had a problem with -- not your behavior prior to that. 1
Author bohica Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 You never know, go cold on her and in 2-3 weeks you may get a booty call. Nah. This all went down a few weeks ago. She had something of mine and she mailed it to me last week. I sent her a message to thank her. I got no response. I joked around with her about something to try to make light of everything and extend an olive branch and she said "your persistence is what frightened me, don't contact me" I see it so much differently and wish I can give my perspective but I need to listen to that and I doubt I'll get the booty call or any other call. To be honest, at this point I think I should have more respect for myself. It's her lack of communication that turns me off. I was in a relationship once where she had zero communication skills or desire to communicate. It sucked. It's like having a bucket of ice poured over your head.
truth_seeker Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 she said "your persistence is what frightened me, don't contact me" Okay, this line sealed your fate. 2
GoreSP Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I agree with ScienceGal. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Thing is, for whatever reason, she wasn't interested in a relationship with you. I don't find you were persistent but I will admit that I have been in contact online with people that seemed interesting, and, when I couldn't reply to a message right away would send me repetitive messages demanding for my attention and this kind of made me go 'well, f* you then!' but I wasn't really interested to begin with. I really don't think this is what made her lose interest. And you know what? whatever made her lose interest isn't necessarily something you need to change. 1
Author bohica Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) Clia - You are sounding pretty aggressive. I thought you were one person who understood that thread. First, I didn't ask her out for that Friday. I don't know what your talking about. Maybe you meant Sunday. I asked if she had plans for Sunday because I had a last moment day that freed up. The whole original thread was about me not feeling the enthusiasm I normally would feel from someone who likes me. That I was having a hard time feeling this person out and didn't know whether or not to contact her because I didn't want to scare her away. Many people told me to just be myself and ask her out again. The whole entire thread got out of control and I was hearing different things from different people. Some people even made up there own stuff. It really had nothing to do with how often I contacted her or what I said. All that happened afterwards and I admitted I may have mad a few mistakes. Some of your advise was taken but your advise was all in response to the developments taking place not the original topic. AGAIN, I wasn't getting a positive vibe from this girl and was asking for feedback IN MY ORIGINAL THREAD.. She had already been super slow with her responses. Even if that last text was a mistake and that one text message put me over the'contact limit' then all she had to do was let me know how she felt and reassure me that she was interested. I take rejection well. There is always someone else. That's not what this was about and I am not being a 'butthole' or what ever is is you said. Getting 'buttholed' was it? hmm Calling someone twice in one week isn't being overly persistent. Talk all you want about making plans, setting alternative dates with set plans, planning things....That's not what the thread was about. Edited October 17, 2013 by bohica
clia Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Clia - You are sounding pretty aggressive. I thought you were one person who understood that thread. First, I didn't ask her out for that Friday. I don't know what your talking about. Maybe you meant Sunday. I asked if she had plans for Sunday because I had a last moment day that freed up. I don't mean to be getting aggressive, but I think you are missing my point. If you read my post, I said you called her Friday afternoon to ask her out for Sunday. That is a last minute invite in my opinion. I know you were worried about whether she was interested in you, and that is what started off the whole prior thread. You seemed to get progressively hurt that she already had plans the two times you asked her out, which erupted in to the multiple texts and calls on Friday afternoon/evening. To me, that was a total overreaction on your part, especially for a Friday afternoon/evening when a lot of people are out doing stuff, and double especially because you knew she was slower to respond to texts. (I'm slow to respond to texts, so I can relate. Half the time I don't even know where my phone is.) My point is merely that your level of communication was fine up until Friday. The point of my post was to show you where I believe you crossed the line into being too persistent. Even if that last text was a mistake and that one text message put me over the'contact limit' then all she had to do was let me know how she felt and reassure me that she was interested. I think she may have been on the fence and the texts put her over the edge. I take rejection well. There is always someone else. That's not what this was about and I am not being a 'butthole' or what ever is is you said. Getting 'buttholed' was it? hmm "butthurt" You've never heard that? It always makes me laugh. Calling someone twice in one week isn't being overly persistent. I never said it was, and I agree with you. It's what you did on Friday that became persistent. I believe you did what you did on Friday due to insecurity because she had twice said "no" when you asked her out. My point is that you could have avoided that scenario entirely if you had just asked her out further in advance. 1
Author bohica Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 I thought I was being nice. I wasn't sure what the right thing to do was and I had a funny feeling all along but I thought some people may be harder to tap into depending on what they are going through. I was disappointed when she changed her mind and on how she went about it. Just want to avoid having it happen again. I was trying to find the right balance between being myself, listening to my instincts and knowing how to read what a women wants. I thought a better understanding from a women perspective would help me find that balance. Not beat up over it. Is it what it is... There is no going back to this one women. Although I admit I wish I had another shot.
Phantom888 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 OP: you did NOT do anything wrong. This girl was kinda on the fence, and after you had sex, she decided to pursue someone else. But she didn't want to look like a slut, so she blamed it on you. It's a mind game. Don't blame yourself. She is not interested, but made you feel bad also. That suck, but move on. You did everything right. You just dodged a bullet with this girl who has a terrible sense of morals. 2
Charlie Harper Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 The best way to approach this situations is, contacting them next day, saying you had a great time, and telling them you hope to see her again. THATS IT. and then wait, the worst thing that can happen is having a booty call sometime later. Dont sound/act/be/ needy, just be cool, a lot of women like to check the Zoo before making her minds on what kind of guy they want... just dont take it personally... 1
Author bohica Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 The best way to approach this situations is, contacting them next day, saying you had a great time, and telling them you hope to see her again. THATS IT. and then wait, the worst thing that can happen is having a booty call sometime later. Dont sound/act/be/ needy, just be cool, a lot of women like to check the Zoo before making her minds on what kind of guy they want... just dont take it personally... I agree. I was going to take this approach but I liked her. My time was limited. I knew I was about to get busy with work and wanted to see her. I just wanted to go for it....
Charlie Harper Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I agree. I was going to take this approach but I liked her. My time was limited. I knew I was about to get busy with work and wanted to see her. I just wanted to go for it.... Sometimes you like someone so much you NEED to have her back asap, but in these crazy times that is a surefire way to creep out someone. BE COOL , good things always require some kind of patience...
Author bohica Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Its funny. The first week we met she texted me a few times. Just few days after our first date she sent me a text saying she wanted to see me with in a few days cause she was going to be busy. I just realized that....
odin673 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 This is one reason I hate traditional dating. Not crying about the money but I spent a few hundred on this girl only to have her ignore me and turn me down. I guess at least I had sex...It just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. In the future make sure she invests too! If she likes you going dutch won't be a problem. If she's a student or has little money keep dates inexpensive so you don't feel taken advantage of if things don't work out.
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