Samada Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I need help. Long story short: My ex moved to my city and started contacting me. I stayed strong for awhile and resisted her attempts to contact me. But I got weak and decided to reply to her contacts. We have had a long history together. So we started hanging out again and going out together and having sex etc. She told me she loved me and that Im always the one no matter what. This past week I was busy with School and had to do other stuff and couldnt hang out with her the night before she was leaving to go home for the long weekend. She Messages me on the weekend and she needed to talk to me. Said I wasnt at the same point in life as her and that I wasnt putting her first. This is all through text. What a coward. I messaged and pleaded with her last night, Stupid I know, she told me to move on and that she was dating someone else. I said already ...its been 4 days? She said she has been since august but that she wasnt over me so she told him to back off.. I dont believe her I think she was still talking to him the whole time as a fall back option. Now Here I am depressed as hell feeling awful and Dont know what to do from here. I feel awful because I had her 5 days ago and she was loving me and then boom she is with some one else. I need help. Im not OK. I feel like just begging but I know I can do that again. I Love her so much. What do I do...
Philosoraptor Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I'm sorry to hear that. She missed you, used you as a booty call, then dropped you just as quick as she came back. Go NC and don't fall for her tricks again.
Author Samada Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Thanks for the reply Philo. She said to me on the phone last night that she was trying to get back together with me the last few weeks but that I wasnt putting her first or showing her that I was ready to grow up so she was forced to move on with the other guy. I feel huge amount of regret over this as she was right in my hands and I let it slip. The pain of the regret is the worst thing ever. I let the love of my life go from my own stupidity.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I feel huge amount of regret over this as she was right in my hands and I let it slip. The pain of the regret is the worst thing ever. I let the love of my life go from my own stupidity. Nope. That's a line and total BS. You didn't let anything slip. This was all her. She's manipulating the crap out of you. Stop letting her do this. 2
Mcnulty Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Awful, I really feel your despair. She was playing the both of you, you know this, he was in her life when she was with you, she's a cheater a player and a liar and she didn't even have the respect/decency to tell you to your face...take some solace in this. Would you really want to spend your life with someone who's done the above? You'd be like me, looking over your shoulder, a paranoid wreck, trust me I've been there. 1
Mr Scorpio Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 I feel huge amount of regret over this as she was right in my hands and I let it slip. The pain of the regret is the worst thing ever. I let the love of my life go from my own stupidity. I would hope that the love of your life would be someone who would treat you with a modicum of decency and respect, rather than using you when it is convenient for her. I know exactly how you feel, blaming yourself, asking "what if I had done 'x' instead of 'y". It doesn't much matter. She made her choice. She used you and threw you away. You hurt right now, but you have every right to be angry. Transform your pain. . 1
monkeymaid Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 This is a rough one. I would get mad about this to be honest with you. I know we let ourselves feel like we've never felt before because we are guys, but that is some cold hearted ****. You didnt do anything wrong bud. This one is all on her. In a few weeks or months, you are going to be glad she left. Definitely not what you want to hear, but I am happy for you that she chose to leave and not prolong your agony. She could have played you like a fiddle (sounds like she did for a while). I guess just 5 minutes at a time to start, then 10, and then 30, and so on. Just keep making baby steps. Post here for sure!! 1
Author Samada Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Thank you all for the replies. And yes I am furious... and confused, and sad, and depressed, and on and on and on... It is just mind boggling how she can just say to me with no ounce of remorse after telling me she loved me 2-3 days earlier she loved me and Its only ever been me to "Im seeing someone, You have to move on". And she does this all over text. She told me I need to grow up.. As far as I can see breaking things off with me over a few lengthy text messages is as childish and cowardly as it gets. I honestly feel like the hardest part of all of this is the regret of not doing something differently, she put it all on me like she had no choice to choose the other guy because "he put her first". She chose a guy shes known for a month or 2 over me whom she says she loves because I guess I didnt pass some sort of manipulative test of "who puts me first". This site is so helpful and I truly appreciate all over your guys' responses and advice.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Thank you all for the replies. And yes I am furious... and confused, and sad, and depressed, and on and on and on... It is just mind boggling how she can just say to me with no ounce of remorse after telling me she loved me 2-3 days earlier she loved me and Its only ever been me to "Im seeing someone, You have to move on". And she does this all over text. She told me I need to grow up.. As far as I can see breaking things off with me over a few lengthy text messages is as childish and cowardly as it gets. I honestly feel like the hardest part of all of this is the regret of not doing something differently, she put it all on me like she had no choice to choose the other guy because "he put her first". She chose a guy shes known for a month or 2 over me whom she says she loves because I guess I didnt pass some sort of manipulative test of "who puts me first". This site is so helpful and I truly appreciate all over your guys' responses and advice. Brother... You are among others who have felt this. Been there. It makes no sense. In fact, don't even try to make sense of it. You'll be better off just letting it go. Hard to do I know. I do. Your new #1 goal: Forget her and take care of yourself....
Author Samada Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 It's nice to hear of others who have felt this way and made it through ok. At this point I'm struggling with feelings of hopelessness- the feeling that I will be alone forever and that I won't find anyone better for me. I know this sounds weird but I'm 24 and it seems everyone is in relationships. And by no means am I looking for one as I'm not ready but by the time I am ready I feel discouraged that there will not be many options. It is causing me anxiety the thought of this. Add in the fact that she already has a new guy to lean on while I am alone to wallow by myself. The thought of them being together just kills me. How do/did you guys deal with thoughts of your ex being with someone new ie. sexually, emotionally? My self esteem is essentially ruined right now because I allowed myself to get played once again. Is there any advice you could give me on how to deal with negative thoughts about yourself after breakup and how you dealt with them being with someone else? Is there any hope for me
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Samada, I really feel for you. What she has done is so cruel. It's natural for you to feel this way. I wish there was some quick working advice I could give to you, and me, and everyone hurting/suffering in this same way. Unfortunately there isn't. It might be painful to say but you have to simply let go of her. It's not an easy thing to do, but with time/effort in the now, you will be able to do so.
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 It's nice to hear of others who have felt this way and made it through ok. At this point I'm struggling with feelings of hopelessness- the feeling that I will be alone forever and that I won't find anyone better for me. I know this sounds weird but I'm 24 and it seems everyone is in relationships. And by no means am I looking for one as I'm not ready but by the time I am ready I feel discouraged that there will not be many options. It is causing me anxiety the thought of this. Add in the fact that she already has a new guy to lean on while I am alone to wallow by myself. The thought of them being together just kills me. How do/did you guys deal with thoughts of your ex being with someone new ie. sexually, emotionally? My self esteem is essentially ruined right now because I allowed myself to get played once again. Is there any advice you could give me on how to deal with negative thoughts about yourself after breakup and how you dealt with them being with someone else? Is there any hope for me I have to say, my technique for getting over thinking about my ex being with someone new sexually was to imagine him DOING EVERYTHING; threesomes, orgies, the whole thing. I MADE myself think about it until it made me find him used up and repulsive. It actually worked for me because I was confronting the worst case scenarios. It actually put me off him. It is distressing, but it worked for me.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 OP - The most valuable thing you can do right now is take a long look in the mirror. Now is the time to dig deep into yourself. You can't control what she does, feels or thinks. But you can control what you do. And I suggest therapy if you have the means. It's not weak or anything like that. It can be of huge help. For me, it opened up my eyes to my own personal issues which I am now working on. If you don't, you can expect the same types of women in your life with the same types of results. Good news is, you are young and if you really take the time to improve mentally and emotionally, you will have a huge advantage moving forward. I wish I was 24 right now. Switch those numbers around for me. LOL!!!! You are young and have time to make changes and be happy. Now, just do it!!
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