How to avoid the friend zone by younger women?

[Mascara]

You're missing the point. The younger guys aren't what **I** want . I adore men my own age. I love your experiences, shared youth, solidarity, sense of equality. I broke up with someone 11 years younger than me recently for more or less this reason.

 

And ahhhh.... to remember the real, old school raves... illegal and in warehouses. Clean the sound system up and leave the place. That was just a little more cool than the organized ones they have now, I have to say...

 

Ha, we knew how to party .

[theothersully]

You're missing the point. The younger guys aren't what **I** want . I adore men my own age. I love your experiences, shared youth, solidarity, sense of equality. I broke up with someone 11 years younger than me recently for more or less this reason.

 

 

 

Ha, we knew how to party .

 

Sorry. I did miss the point. I was thinking you meant it wouldn't happen, not that you didn't want it to happen.

 

So go on and deny so many a young man his fantasy.... ha ha ha

[Mascara]

I thought that +/- 10 years or so would be about right. But I think I just don't have the patience for someone either substantially younger OR older. I found the 30 year old very immature, even though he wasn't.

[KathyM]

OP, first, well done on dating considerably younger girls!

 

Don't let the butthurt old ladies on this forum get to you. They're just mad that you're doing what's natural and chasing younger women, as opposed to giving in to the feminist imperative.

So middle aged ladies are considered old, but middle aged men are considered studs that are desirable to much younger women? Newsflash. Young women think middle aged men are old also.

I also date mostly younger women (though, I'm 26....so younger women to me are 18-21).

5 to 7 years is not much of an age difference. The OP is talking 20+ years younger than him.

It sounds like you fall into the friendzone for the same reason most guys do: you're not being aggressive enough. Let her know your intentions early on. Make a move. Be more touchy feely (though, don't go overboard with it) and kiss her at the first opportunity. If she turns you down, be cool and try again later.

The above paragraph is actually pretty good advice for any man who wants to pursue a romantic relationship, regardless of age. The only difference is, when there is a huge age gap like in the OP's suggested scenario, it's important to gauge interest before coming on too strong, so that he doesn't come across as a creepy old guy. If he comes on that strong right from the start with these young ladies, he's likely to be shot down, which is what my client has found out the hard way. I'm actually working with him on how to approach women so that he doesn't come across as that creepy old guy, as well as to open his age range requirements to women who may be more receptive to him.

[ses]

First, there is no friendzone. Men and women can usually tell quite quickly if they're attracted to someone and if there is a desire to pursue something more. In my case I tend to not pursue guys because we lack physical chemistry. There's nothing I can do to force a romantic attraction irrespective of his awesome pereonalitt or other qualities. It's either there or it's not.

 

As someone who is within your targeted age range I honestly have never pursued someone that much older than me for a serious relationship. Casual companionship is one thing; a relationship that potentially includes marriage and children is something entirely different. Like other posters have stated I tend to view older men as paternal figures rather than romantic partners. I'm 25, my sister is 30 and my father is 53. A man who is only 10 years younger than my father will be viewed as such. I just can't get over it. Some older men have the maturity and experience that guys my age lack; however any additional experience could negatively affect the relationship. I prefer to grow with my partner, and I don't feel comfortable with the idea of him attempting to "teach" me due to his supposed experience. It sounds controlling and too paternalistic.

 

You're in a difficult position. If you try to act like you're in your 20s and 30s a general impression may arise that you're suffering from a midlife crisis and are attempting to relive your youth. If you act your age then women will always see you as a lecherous fellow who flirts with young girls.

 

You need to be open and honest with your intentions immediately. Don't play games, and don't let the girls play you if you want something serious. Don't try to force something because it will come off the wrong way.

[Eggplant]

So middle aged ladies are considered old, but middle aged men are considered studs that are desirable to much younger women? Newsflash. Young women think middle aged men are old also.

Yeah, I feel as though men do perhaps have an extra decade to play with. But they overestimate it and think maybe 3 decades. Maybe Paul McCartney ... Life is finite.

 

But if they want to date much younger women, that's their prerogative of course. They have a right to pursue happiness. If both parties are happy, so be it. This man says he doesn't have baggage. So maybe he can pull it off.

[Mrlonelyone]

For the original poster.

 

 

The advice to buy the young lady some jewlery is good. Also take her on actual traditional dates.

 

 

Look at the article in my signature line. Those young ladies will be used to the whole hang out, hook up, kind of dating. You can offer them real old fashioned dating. Take her to dinner and a movie, take her to the carnival, pay for everything, and make non-creepy but more than friendly physical contact.

[Eggplant]

For the original poster.

 

 

The advice to buy the young lady some jewlery is good. Also take her on actual traditional dates.

 

 

Look at the article in my signature line. Those young ladies will be used to the whole hang out, hook up, kind of dating. You can offer them real old fashioned dating. Take her to dinner and a movie, take her to the carnival, pay for everything, and make non-creepy but more than friendly physical contact.

This is good advice to all men. If I were a man, I'd take it.

[KathyM]

For the original poster.

 

 

The advice to buy the young lady some jewlery is good. Also take her on actual traditional dates.

 

 

Look at the article in my signature line. Those young ladies will be used to the whole hang out, hook up, kind of dating. You can offer them real old fashioned dating. Take her to dinner and a movie, take her to the carnival, pay for everything, and make non-creepy but more than friendly physical contact.

Well, I don't agree with the jewelry part, but definitely the rest has merit. Inviting the woman out (after you gauge interest) and taking her on traditional dates may give you an advantage for sure, than the younger men you will be competing with. If you can lay on the charm, and use your maturity to an advantage, show her a great time, and spend some money, may be able to show an advantage over a guy in their 20s that can't afford much. But don't overdo it with stuff like jewelry. Would you really want someone that only dates you because she's getting material things from you?

[StanMusial]

I don't listen to cool music or go to cool parties and I'm not hip in any way. I take care of business and work on a farm as a hobby (and future home) these days. My gf is 11 years younger than me. I didn't go seek her out and try to rub her back LOL or make friends with her. We were introduced by a third party.

 

To answer the original question, and this applies to women of any age, not just younger women, if you want more than friendship, then don't settle for that. I know it happens, but I don't understand why any guy would try to "befriend" a girl that he wants in a romantic sense. It's like ordering a big slice of chocolate cake and then just sitting at the table staring at it, never getting a taste even. I like chocolate cake but if I'm not going to eat it then I'm not going to order it.

[phineas]

I hang with younger women from wokr occasionally and sometimes I am just dumbfounded by the things they say and do.

 

But damn their bodies are tight & to be honest at 39/40 I had more women in their mid 20's coming onto me than when I was in my 20's so yeah I didn't turn them down.

 

I couldn't date someone that young though because I just can't relate to them.

[Eggplant]

I don't listen to cool music or go to cool parties and I'm not hip in any way. I take care of business and work on a farm as a hobby (and future home) these days. My gf is 11 years younger than me. I didn't go seek her out and try to rub her back LOL or make friends with her. We were introduced by a third party.

 

To answer the original question, and this applies to women of any age, not just younger women, if you want more than friendship, then don't settle for that. I know it happens, but I don't understand why any guy would try to "befriend" a girl that he wants in a romantic sense. It's like ordering a big slice of chocolate cake and then just sitting at the table staring at it, never getting a taste even. I like chocolate cake but if I'm not going to eat it then I'm not going to order it.

 

Eleven years works, especially for older couples. I would date a man eleven years my senior. Not 20 years. And I've been known to hand the caterer the stupid chocolate cake back when the put it out before even the appetizers and make you sit there all night and look at it, and I'm not even supposed to eat that many calories. So yeah, I don't have male friends. Not interested in getting attached if I can't have him.

[Outsider77]

Hmmm, this says as much about you, as it does them.

 

Not saying what I did was right. I had a lot of problems back then. Just illustrating that that is how young women view middle-aged men that hit on them.

 

I'm not sure where you're going with this... wouldn't that mean that men would have a wider age range for dating as they get older than women?

No, it means that women who are after an older man for the wrong reasons are going to be willing to overlook a lack of physical attraction because he's rich, or they're looking for a daddy, etc.

 

The fact remains that most young women would not have a serious relationship with a man 20+ years older.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

So middle aged ladies are considered old, but middle aged men are considered studs that are desirable to much younger women? Newsflash. Young women think middle aged men are old also.

 

Obviously, I can't speak for what it's like to be that age, but from what I've seen in real life, it seems to be this way.

 

I know many men that are married to women much younger than them, anywhere from 10-20+ years. One man in particular is in his 50s and married a very attractive woman in her 30s. They just had their first child.

 

There has only been one instance of a woman marrying a significantly younger man that I've seen in real life. This woman was pretty attractive for her age and had a very vibrant personality. The guy, in contrast, was quite shy and I did not know him to be very successful with women.

 

5 to 7 years is not much of an age difference. The OP is talking 20+ years younger than him.

 

Touche.

 

The above paragraph is actually pretty good advice for any man who wants to pursue a romantic relationship, regardless of age. The only difference is, when there is a huge age gap like in the OP's suggested scenario, it's important to gauge interest before coming on too strong, so that he doesn't come across as a creepy old guy. If he comes on that strong right from the start with these young ladies, he's likely to be shot down, which is what my client has found out the hard way. I'm actually working with him on how to approach women so that he doesn't come across as that creepy old guy, as well as to open his age range requirements to women who may be more receptive to him.

 

Maybe valid. I'm not sure. But, in my experience, women are women and the same rules generally apply. So I don't see why this wouldn't work.

 

Again though, I have no experience with being a guy in his 40s going after girls in their 20s, so I can't say for sure.

[used95]

I just want to know if someone could help me. I am having problems trying to get with this girl. We went to a homecoming dance together. We had fun, but when i asked here the next day if she might want to go on another date sometime, she said that she wasnt over her ex boyfriend. I am confused, she wanted me to ask her to the dance and now i dont know what to do if anyone could help me repost this in another forum. I reaaly need help here.

[youaremysunshine]

Honeybadger, your elderly friends with young wives wouldn't happen to be rich would they?

[Eggplant]

Honeybadger, your elderly friends with young wives wouldn't happen to be rich would they?

Actually the 30-something women have sh** options, so they have to go 20 years older.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Honeybadger, your elderly friends with young wives wouldn't happen to be rich would they?

 

No, they are not rich. They are normal guys. Though, they do have stable, relatively high paying jobs (no higher paying than my job though). They also have kids from past marriages.

 

They are vibrant and charismatic though, definitely not the normal guy. But any guy could be like that if they really want to.

[KathyM]

Obviously, I can't speak for what it's like to be that age, but from what I've seen in real life, it seems to be this way.

From what I've seen in real life, young women are interested in men closer to their own age, except for women who have daddy issues.

I know many men that are married to women much younger than them, anywhere from 10-20+ years. One man in particular is in his 50s and married a very attractive woman in her 30s. They just had their first child.

I wonder how that man in his 50s is coping with the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and screeming infant day after day. I wonder how that man, when 65, is going to cope with having to run around on the soccer field or basketball court for those endless sports practices that his 10 year old is going to need and want. I wonder how that man, in his 70s, is going to cope with a 16 year old needing discipline and driving lessons.

[RonaldS]

From what I've seen in real life, young women are interested in men closer to their own age, except for women who have daddy issues.

 

I wonder how that man in his 50s is coping with the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and screeming infant day after day. I wonder how that man, when 65, is going to cope with having to run around on the soccer field or basketball court for those endless sports practices that his 10 year old is going to need and want. I wonder how that man, in his 70s, is going to cope with a 16 year old needing discipline and driving lessons.

 

Just out of curiosity, would you consider a 25 year old girl being into a 39 year old guy to be something where it's more of a daddy issues deal?