meganali Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I am currently going through a separation. I have 3 children, a lovely home and a great life but I have just confronted my husband about what I have been feeling for the a very long time - I have been living with someone who I don't love. I have a lot of friends who have gone through a separation and I don't want this decision to just be their pressure also. I have a part time job and I don't want it to be the boredom that's just over thinking everything. I just need some guidance from any women who have had very similar circumstances. Please
littlejaz Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I hate for you not to get any replies but you haven't given us much to go on. Only you can decide how unhappy you are. Have you tried marriage counseling? All marriages go through ups and downs, and that maybe what you are experiencing. You need to do a lot of soul searching before you uproot the lives of your children. Also, have you spoken with an attorney? You might want to do that so you get a realistic picture of what life after divorce might be like financially before you make any decisions. Don't assume that your husband will take care of you and your children the way he does now after a divorce. I do think a lot of people get divorced because they think the grass is greener on the other side and then find out that it is by far browner than they expected. Best of luck. 1
dumped2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 How long have you been married? How old are the children? You have to remember that once you are married a long time the happy goo goo I love you stuff wears off and what you are probably feeling, most long term married couples feel. Try counseling. I know several couples it has worked for. Unfortunately my ex would not consider counseling. She just wanted to be by herself.
carhill Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Welcome to LS. Although perhaps antithetical, I found counseling to help with the divorce process, in that it facilitated processing the emotions of divorce in a healthier way, allowing for clearer thinking and negotiation to end things amicably. Even though we entered MC to clarify and work on the M, the unanticipated side effect was, once deciding to D, the work in MC helped that process, for me anyway. IMO, good friends will support you on your path, wherever that leads, rather than steering you onto theirs. I found that to be the case with my close friends, both those married many years or divorced. Their neutrality helped me seek the path which was healthiest for myself, a factor I didn't realize until examining the process much later. With more information, perhaps more individualized support and advice can be offered. Best wishes.
Misadventure Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Try counseling and also realizing that marriage is not about being in live every second... the whole butterfly thing....seriously? That turns into a deeper love and commitment. Marriage goes in cycles of being in love, out of love, and learning to be in love again... it takes work.. and the people committed to doing the work. It's a commitment you made.. so think carefully. 2
dienstag Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Somehow i can understand the author very well - I was also in a very similar position with only my gut feeling telling me that something is not right but i could not specify it and my marriage from outside looked perferct - for all 12 years and 2 perfect children with prefect part-time job. The reality of it was that my oh-so perfect ex felt the same all this time and he did not waste time on thinking and was purely cheating from time to time to get the kick over 10 years or so. All marriages are different - no argument there but think about it, this is YOUR LIFE, dont waste it. Do you see yourself getting old with this person and still getting fun? If no.... hm, think harder what to do next
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