gypsy25 Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 I've been dating this one guy, let's call him Dave, for 5 months now. He has a very busy work schedule, I'm talkin 13-14 hour days 5-6 days a week. He normally won't get home until around 11:30-1:30 AM each night. This makes it very hard for us to stay in contact and for us to even see one another, but for some reason it's workin out. It's been the type of thing where I have given him a ridiculous amount of space and let him set the pace and make all the moves because I realize how busy he is and I don't want to force hin or pressure him into seeing me if he wants to instead focus on his career. We see each other on his days off and sometimes when he is working and has a late wakeup the next morning. I would say we see each other on average about 2-3 per week and almost never talk on the phone in between then. It's just sort of understod that he can't talk because he is at work. Anyway, a month ago I told him I wanted a comitment from him and that I was in love with him. He told me that at this point in his life he doesn't want to get too attached to anyone and that he didn't have time for a relationship or comitment. Honestly, I'm not really either, I know he's not the one and that he is good for me RIGHT NOW (I'm only 21) but I get insecure and scared thinking that he might be seeing other girls (Even though he told me he isn't and he wouldn't have time) So we broke up for about 2 weeks and got back together and I backed of and didn't mention the topic again. I tell him I love him but he never says it back. I am away for a month on vacation while he is working and I've decided to not call him while I'm here. Everyone has told me to stop acting like I care about him and to make him think that he's lost me or that I'm seeing other guys. They say that men want what they can't have and if he thought he was losing me then he would step up and want to make a commitment. I have been gone a week and haven't called him. He's called me twice and I call him back but I have made no attempts to try to see how he's doing or let him know I miss him. I will be home in 3 weeks and am thinking about doing this for the entire 3 weeks and then giving him a call when I get back. Do you think I'll lose him if I do this or do you think it'll work? It's hard for me because I do already miss him and I do want to tell him this but everyone is advising me not to for the reasons above. Any help would be great. Thanks =)
johan Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 I am against "games", such as acting someway that is not how you really feel in order to try to manipulate a response out of someone. I think that just it's important for people you love to be able to deal with your feelings head on. If he doesn't like you loving him or wanting more, then you have to realize what that means. My advice is for you to do what's best for you based on the information you have, which is what you've seen him do and heard him say. If you need more from him and can't get it, then you need to disengage for real, not as an act. You need to move on in your heart. It's possible he might re-think his position, but it's also possible he will just let you go. If you're trying to manipulate him with a little ploy, you're going to suffer a lot more if he doesn't respond. You're better off doing it for real.
gridiron Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 It sounds like he has been upfront with you the whole time. It's good that he didn't say "I love you" back when he knows he wouln't mean it right now. Sure, not calling him may make him miss or want you more. But if he was truthful when he said he doesn't want to commit at this point in his life, I don't think this will change anything as far as getting a commitment from him. And oh, it's not just guys who want what they can't have, it's really pretty much all of us. Anyway, there's not much you can do right now, so enjoy your vacation!
genesis Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 I think my GF for a year tried this "distancing" stuff on me. I think to also get more of a committment from me in an LDR. She must have read from the same playbook as you, that men want something when they think its gone. (Men also want to feel needed also, and it's not very exciting to make sacrifices to see someone who acts indifferent to your attempts.) I gave her everything that I could, which was and probably never would be enuf for her. Like your BF, I had time restraints and I have to travel a lot. I also prefered email to phone due the the inconvenience of phone calls in my work. The way it turned out was that I dumped her, thinking that's what she really wanted and wouldn't be too bent out of shape about it. But she was very upset about it, and I think she realized that her little games backfired. Then, with her temper, she made some remarks that were unforgivable to me after what I had done for her, both timewise and financially. So you had better think about what you really want with your games, because sometimes people do get what they ask for.
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