kendallk Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 No Im not saying what she did is right but I understand WHY she did it. Men on this site all the time use explanations for their crappy behavior, so Im offering one as well. Shes insecure. I would be too if my boyfriend frequented strip clubs and told me its normal behavior and dismissed my feelings. Okay well after the new information you gave perhaps just break up with her. Giving a black eye is a dealbreaker no matter what. Thats just plain crazy. Without the pics, Id dump her just for her violent tendencies. I have yet to meet a guy who frequents strip clubs that isnt shallow, selfish and disrespectful. Going to one speaks volumes about your character. Men dont think women going out clubbing and dancing with men is acceptable in a relationship, so men cant think going to strip clubs and watching naked women and getting lap dances is acceptable. But men will say anything to justify their disrespectful actions while immediately dismissing a woman's feelings. If theres anything Ive learned about men they think the world revolves around them and their feelings but they dont extend the same courtesy to women. When I date, I expect to be treated the same way men expect me to treat them. Very few men can live up to that challenge...they dont hold themselves to the same standards they expect of women they date. Men have all sorts of standards for women they date...one of mine is I dont date men that do strip clubs, get over it.
LittleDemon Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 She sounds like bad news. Giving you a black eye should only prove to you that she has violent tendencies which will most likely only get worse unless she gets help. How old are you guys anyway?
Author Jc12345 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 She's 24 and I'm 23. I only went to the strip club once. Wasn't frequent visits. She did a whole lot more than me. Went to clubs dressed very slutty multiple times.
MalachiX Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 No Im not saying what she did is right but I understand WHY she did it. Men on this site all the time use explanations for their crappy behavior, so Im offering one as well. Shes insecure. I would be too if my boyfriend frequented strip clubs and told me its normal behavior and dismissed my feelings. Except he didn't "frequent" strip clubs, which suggests numerous instances of visiting, but rather went to one once (according to the OP). In your view, that apparently going to one once is the same as going a lot. Also, according to your view, it's apparently the same as sending naked pictures of himself to strangers for money. I have yet to meet a guy who frequents strip clubs that isnt shallow, selfish and disrespectful. That's odd. I've known a lot of guys who have been to a strip club at some point in their lives and are kind and respectful to women. Often they've been dragged by their girlfriends or a group of friends (male and female) who thought it would be fun. I've also known a lot of women who have had a male stripper at some point in their life (usually at a party), and aren't shallow, selfish, or disrespectful to men. It's amazing how people try to justify their own prejudices with personal experience. I once knew a successful music video director who insisted that he wasn't racist but he hated working with black clients because they never paid him without a fight. Justify your antagonistic attitudes all you but it's pretty clear from your post that you've got your own set of issues, including some with men in generals. Going to one speaks volumes about your character. Your post speaks volumes about yours (and none of it good). Men dont think women going out clubbing and dancing with men is acceptable in a relationship, so men cant think going to strip clubs and watching naked women and getting lap dances is acceptable. Many men don't have an issue with women going out clubbing. No two relationships are the same. Why don't you stop projecting your own standards on other people? But men will say anything to justify their disrespectful actions while immediately dismissing a woman's feelings. If theres anything Ive learned about men they think the world revolves around them and their feelings but they dont extend the same courtesy to women. It's really sad how many people feel so snuggly justified in judging an entire gender because they've had a bad experience. I'm guessing you don't like it when many of the misogynistic men on these boards make sexist posts about all the evil things "women do" but you're every bit as ignorant as they are. When I date, I expect to be treated the same way men expect me to treat them. Very few men can live up to that challenge...they dont hold themselves to the same standards they expect of women they date. Yet somehow I doubt that you'd date a guy who made the same kind of hostile generalizations about women that you do about men. If you really wanted men to treat you with the same respect you treat them; you'd treat men as individuals instead of attacking their entire gender and then saying "only a few aren't like this." It's really no different than people who don't think they're racist who say, "Most black people are lazy" or "most Jews are cheap" but who then add, "but there are one or two who are different but they're the exception." Claiming that there's a few people who aren't part of your nasty generalization doesn't change that you're still prejudice. Men have all sorts of standards for women they date...one of mine is I dont date men that do strip clubs, get over it. No one is asking you to date anyone you don't want to. We were just suggesting you stop judging and insulting people who you've never met. I guess that's too hard for you. Don't worry though. You're safe as I tend to doubt many people here would want to date someone who is so openly hostile to their gender.
MalachiX Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I laughed at the strip club boyfriend material poster. So right now I'm boyfriend material, but as soon as I cross that threshold, I'm not ? Also, she used a be incident she supposedly forgave you for two years ago. Woman logic. No, not "woman logic." Just "stupid logic." There are men on these boards who are every bit as ignorant and judgemental as she is. Don't play her game by making nasty comments about women as payback for hers about men. 2
kendallk Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) Except he didn't "frequent" strip clubs, which suggests numerous instances of visiting, but rather went to one once (according to the OP). In your view, that apparently going to one once is the same as going a lot. Also, according to your view, it's apparently the same as sending naked pictures of himself to strangers for money. That's odd. I've known a lot of guys who have been to a strip club at some point in their lives and are kind and respectful to women. Often they've been dragged by their girlfriends or a group of friends (male and female) who thought it would be fun. I've also known a lot of women who have had a male stripper at some point in their life (usually at a party), and aren't shallow, selfish, or disrespectful to men. It's amazing how people try to justify their own prejudices with personal experience. I once knew a successful music video director who insisted that he wasn't racist but he hated working with black clients because they never paid him without a fight. Justify your antagonistic attitudes all you but it's pretty clear from your post that you've got your own set of issues, including some with men in generals. Your post speaks volumes about yours (and none of it good). Many men don't have an issue with women going out clubbing. No two relationships are the same. Why don't you stop projecting your own standards on other people? It's really sad how many people feel so snuggly justified in judging an entire gender because they've had a bad experience. I'm guessing you don't like it when many of the misogynistic men on these boards make sexist posts about all the evil things "women do" but you're every bit as ignorant as they are. Yet somehow I doubt that you'd date a guy who made the same kind of hostile generalizations about women that you do about men. If you really wanted men to treat you with the same respect you treat them; you'd treat men as individuals instead of attacking their entire gender and then saying "only a few aren't like this." It's really no different than people who don't think they're racist who say, "Most black people are lazy" or "most Jews are cheap" but who then add, "but there are one or two who are different but they're the exception." Claiming that there's a few people who aren't part of your nasty generalization doesn't change that you're still prejudice. Men have all sorts of standards for women they date...one of mine is I dont date men that do strip clubs, get over it. No one is asking you to date anyone you don't want to. We were just suggesting you stop judging and insulting people who you've never met. I guess that's too hard for you. Don't worry though. You're safe as I tend to doubt many people here would want to date someone who is so openly hostile to their gender. 1st bolded part: Nope. Never said that. I said it explains her behavior, not justifies it. Men use evolution to explain their ****ty behavior all the time and tons of other things on this site. Im doing the same. 2nd bolded part: Nope. Not the kind of strip club venture Im talking about. Most men that go to strip clubs are not "dragged" there. Not speaking of a bachelor party. Also, I know few men who are okay with females have a stripper even though they can get one before getting married. 3rd bolded part: My personal experience over and over is that men dont hold themselves to the same standards they expect from women behaviorally. 4th bolded part: I have never met a man who didnt get pissed when their gf went to a club and grinded on other men. Ever. Maybe he didnt openly state it but he was still pissed. What planet do you live on? These also happen to be the same men who feel justified in all sorts of disrespectful things they do. 5th bolded part: I wouldnt say the ENTIRE gender but most men. I have met a few men who dont have this entitled attitude and believe in equality, but they are pretty rare. Equality is a new thing and men have ruled the world for most of human existence. Its still ingrained in men to be entitled and have a superiority complex. Next part: Men are full of hostile generalizations about women as well. Do you read this site at all? I work in one of the most underpaid professions and have dated engineers and lawyers and paid my way on every single date. One of these men, I had to ration out my food each week so I could simply afford to date him. I actualloy lost unneeded weight dating him. Then they talk to their friends about how all women are golddiggers and mooch off of men. My guy friends do stuff like this too as well as men in my family. Every hear "wedding cake kills a womans sex drive" and "all women let themselves go" Because I hear it constantly. Last part: Everyone judges. Especially on this site. Perhaps if you dont like hearing other opinions, dont come to a site where people can openly state their opinions. People insult each other constantly on this site as well. LOL, this is a website thats anonymous. People come here to vent. You think I go around in real life stating this to people? Haha...nobody in real life knows 90% of these things I say...looks like you are judging and insulting. Edited October 17, 2013 by kendallk
Author Jc12345 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Thanks for everyone's input. I never should have went is all. I did love the girl even with all her mental issues. I could go on and on about how much I did for her and how little she did for me. It's pointless now. She cheated on me, the whole time she suspected I was cheating on her. I never did. Just went to the strip club. It's a big confidence blow when you do so much for someone and they never once appreciated it.
Author Jc12345 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 How do I regain my confidence? To have been treated like crap for two years. To have been out down by someone else's own insecurities. To feel used untill the love of her life became available. In the back of my mind I know she was no good, but to be taken advantage of just hurts.
MalachiX Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) 1st bolded part: Nope. Never said that. I said it explains her behavior, not justifies it. Men use evolution to explain their ****ty behavior all the time and tons of other things on this site. Im doing the same. And yet again you feel the need to make blanket statements about what "men" do. Why don't you make the same kind of statements about women? I have a feeling you probably don't like it when men on these boards make such generalizations about your gender. And, for the record, I and a lot of other guys don't think evolution excuses anything I do which isn't fair to my partner. If I do something crappy it's on me and not nature. It's a shame you're can't own your own flaws and feel the need to blame men instead. 2nd bolded part: Nope. Not the kind of strip club venture Im talking about. Most men that go to strip clubs are not "dragged" there. Not speaking of a bachelor party. Also, I know few men who are okay with females have a stripper even though they can get one before getting married. I don't know what makes you feel qualified to speak of "most men." I'm willing to bet I've had as many, if not more, male friends and acquaintances than you. The OP said he went to a club once. "Most men" that I know are in that category. They've gone once or twice, usually in a group of friends (sometime with women part of the group). Most of them don't particularly like the clubs and don't go their much. Yet your post lumped these guys (who I've seen treat their wives/girlfriends well), with all other guys and said they they are selfish, shallow, etc. 3rd bolded part: My personal experience over and over is that men dont hold themselves to the same standards they expect from women behaviorally. My personal experience, over and over, is that people who constantly justify blanket generalizations the way you do tend to be racist/sexist/bigoted and just don't want to own up to it. I lived in the south for much of my life and have a pretty good idea what rationalization of bigotry looks like. 4th bolded part: I have never met a man who didnt get pissed when their gf went to a club and grinded on other men. Ever. Maybe he didnt openly state it but he was still pissed. I have (really). For that matter, I don't know why there has to be grinding just as I don't know why everyone who goes into a strip club has to get a lap dance. Many dudes have gone to a strip club without getting a lap dance and many women have gone dancing without grinding on a dude. For that matter, what someone does when they're single is of course going to be different than what they do when they're in a relationship. A sexually liberated woman might grind on someone when she doesn't have a significant other and that doesn't mean she'll be a bad girlfriend when she's with someone. By the same token, a guy might get lap dances when he's single but this doesn't mean he'll be a bad boyfriend. What planet do you live on? These also happen to be the same men who feel justified in all sorts of disrespectful things they do. Maybe you just tend to meet men who are disrespectful to women because you're more alike than you realize. Both you and these men seem to think it's cool to treat someone a certain way based on your assumptions about their gender. Edited October 17, 2013 by MalachiX Browser glitched and just re-posted the quote.
MalachiX Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Equality is a new thing and men have ruled the world for most of human existence. Its still ingrained in men to be entitled and have a superiority complex. Maybe distrust of the opposite gender is just as ingrained in people like you. Next part: Men are full of hostile generalizations about women as well. Ok, clearly there's something that's preventing you from understanding very simple statements. Let me be abundantly clear before I give up on trying to explain things to you, the same way in which I've given up trying to explain to some that Barack Obama is not a Muslim terrorist: EVERY TIME YOU SAY "MEN DO THIS" YOU ARE AS BAD AS ALL THE HATEFUL MISOGYNISTS ON THESE BOARDS (OF WHICH THERE ARE MANY) EVERY TIME YOU SAY "MEN DO THIS" YOU INSULT EVERY MAN WHO DOESN'T DO THOSE THINGS. JUST BECAUSE YOU ADMIT THAT THERE ARE A FEW EXCEPTIONS DOESN'T MAKE IT OK. IT'S NO DIFFERENT THAN RACISTS WHO EXCUSE THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY HAVE ONE BLACK FRIEND OR OTHER BIGGOTS WHO HAVE ONE GAY FRIEND. AS LONG AS YOU REFUSE TO GIVE PEOPLE THE SAME BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT YOU GIVE YOUR OWN GENDER/RACE/SEXUAL-PREFERENCE; YOU ARE A BIGOT. IT'S YOUR RIGHT TO BE A BIGOT BUT WHY NOT HAVE THE COURAGE TO ADMIT IT? Do you read this site at all? I work in one of the most underpaid professions and have dated engineers and lawyers and paid my way on every single date. I read this site but, I'm sorry to admit I don't keep up with your personal life or care. I'm calling you out on your BS just as I call anyone out on being nasty to other people because of gender/race/religion/sexuality. One of these men, I had to ration out my food each week so I could simply afford to date him. I actualloy lost unneeded weight dating him. Then they talk to their friends about how all women are golddiggers and mooch off of men. My guy friends do stuff like this too as well as men in my family. Sounds like you live a fairly unhappy existence and for this I feel bad for you. It's a shame that you feel the need to use your negative experiences to put more nastiness into the world. I guess that's to be expected. The sad thing is that I really do think you're hurting yourself more than anyone else. You certainly don't sound like you're enjoying your dating life. You certainly don't seem to be satisfied with your dealings (in any capacity with the opposite sex). You really do have an opportunity to be just a tad reflective and perhaps realize that maybe you're getting the same crap your putting out. Or, you can keep on being the way you and continue to make yourself unhappy as well as people who have the misfortune to be around you. Your call. Every hear "wedding cake kills a womans sex drive" and "all women let themselves go" Because I hear it constantly. Actually, I've never heard that before (for reals, not just trying to win an argument). Maybe you really should find a new group of people to surround yourself with. It sounds like you're around a lot of D-bags and you're learning by example. That's a shame. LOL, this is a website thats anonymous. People come here to vent. You think I go around in real life stating this to people? Haha...nobody in real life knows 90% of these things I say... So, despite believing these things passionately you don't have the courage to say them out loud? That's even sadder. Good luck with life. Let me know how it all works out (or if you decide to send all us dudes to internment camps).
Maxtor Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 It just bothers me because of her never admitting to it. She dumped me because of the strip club. It was the only mistake I made in the relationship and didnt even get a lap dance. She always used that against me. Even gave me a black eye for it. Now she's dating the guy she would secretly talk to while we dated. But she wouldn't even allow me to have a Facebook but she always was allowed to have one. lol What? She gave you a black eye? She didnt allow you to have a facebook? I can see that someone has a problem, and its not her, its you. Man up.
Author Jc12345 Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Problem was her not me. She suffers from boarderline personality disorder. This type of person will do anything they can to make you feel like you have the problem. Yeah I shoulda sacked up a long time ago. Live and learn.
emva07 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 damn, this chick is one crazy bag of tricks. Tbh, the whole her comparing her pics to the strip club is a straight up cop out, didn't have an excuse for sending them so "let me think really fast. oh I know! I'll tell him about something that happened two years ago to make him think it's HIS fault" She can hit you but you can't defend yourself? Yeah ok. Usually people know crazy when they see it, I'm sure these ppl she's telling know better than to believe her. Probably scared YOU will tell people so she wants to beat you to the punch by saying something horrible. bad news bears. Can't stand bitches like this. Good riddance and no need to feel down, she is a crazy. 1
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