why am i remembering the happy times now?

[Marine0311]

hey everyone. long story short, ex and i dated on/off for 2-3 years. we officially broke up this past june and have not spoken since. i was very bitter towards the last couple months of our relationship at how things were going (she had control) and after the breakup i could only think of terrible times and how ****ty of a person she was.

 

now, 4 1/2 months nearing 5 months i saw she still "likes" a lot of my families stuff on social networks which led me to look at her profile picture on facebook. i didnt stalk, i personally dont want to know what she is doing in her new life. anyways, i ended up looking through pictures were both tagged in and have been very nostalgic the last few days. all i can do is think about the times where our love was so new and innocent, where we were so young, so carefree, where we spent our days on the beach, nights partying together,

and all the romantic things in between.

 

i realized i drove her away with insecurities. i was so afraid to finally lose her i was so jealous. she loved me for how carefree and fun i was. i became a fun sucking nazi and she put up with it for a year or so. i realized that she truly did love me, but finally couldnt take my BS anymore.

 

i finally miss her. i can truly say i have no anger anymore. why do i feel like this? i havent missed her since the breakup because i was so bitter. part of me wishes i could contact her and tell her how i was so afraid to lose her, so i tried to control our relationship. another part of me wants to tell her' thank you for dealing with my BS for a year'

 

overall i guess i feel this way because it finally just hit me that she truly did love me and was so loyal, good to me. now we dont even speak

[RollTide10]

Acceptance is the first step. Looks like your in the beginning stages and you've got one hell of a road ahead. My ex of 6 years broke it off with me a week and a half ago. Second time it's happened. First time was about 6 months ago. Lasted maybe a month and then we set off again only to end up right back here. Now the first time don't get me wrong I grieved, but something told me it wasn't over just yet and I was right. This time though. This one was real. As real as it gets. All the fears of losing the one you love so dearly become a reality. I finally accepted today with how the past 2-3 days have gone that I'm actually going to see counseling, because I can't give myself zero credit to do this alone. I'm already in trying times in my life and this was the topping on the cake. I've internally combusted.

I've accepted it though. I've seen on here where people say acceptance takes a while to come about usually months of NC are needed, but for me it happened about mmmm 6-7 hours ago. The break-up hurt. The few days ensuing it were pretty rough, but this....this is pain. This is rock bottom. The only thing I can tell myself is the old adage of "Hey, the only way left is up". Try to avoid the pictures on FB and any other triggers. I know I've deactivated my account and even went as far as to making my sister do a password change for me and not tell me what it is so I can't sign into it period. Even with it deactivated you still know the password and can sign in at any given moment. Even with her blocked you can unblock whenever get your fix then reblock. Out of sight out of mind. It hurts so bad because it's the equivalent of mourning a death. Your realizing this person you've shared a significant amount of time with in your life is gone. Acceptance is horrible, but it has to happen before the real healing can begin. Hang in there bud. I'm right there with you.

[JoelBarish]

Looking at those pics are triggers. Of course you're going to think of the good times if you look at old pics. Today I looked at my bank statement from months ago and saw transactions that I spent with my ex. I feel like crap after doing that. If you're trying to get over her then avoid the emotional triggers.