Moving.

[Carenth]

So as some of you are aware I will be moving next month to live with my girlfriend. So as the date gets closer we have been discussing it a lot obviously.

 

We are both worried about how the transition from only seeing each other rarely (we have only spent 5 weeks together in the last year, we live on opposite sides of the world so trips were hard to plan),to suddenly being around each other 24/7 will work out.

 

She was thinking that maybe we rent a place with an extra room so we could both have our own space. At the moment she lives in a downtown apartment it's not super small but not big either. I don't think this is a bad idea but she wants to wait until I get there before we make any decisions like that.

 

She is also worried about feeling like she would be abandoning me if she was to go out with friends without me for example or goes to visit her family who are a city over. I don't see these as unreasonable things it's not like I'm expecting to be around her every waking moment when I get there. I will have to make my own friends as well.

 

I guess I'm wondering from other people who have closed the gap on LD relationship how did you cope with the transition from infrequent to very frequent contact. Are these concerns normal? I personally think they are. I guess we are just both feeling a bit anxious.

 

We both got like this before our trips but were fine once we were together.

Edited October 16, 2013 by Carenth

[Els]

Getting a place with an extra room would be a great idea (it helped us heaps when we first moved in together) - and sure, hold off on that til you're there. It will be better if you're actually there to view and choose the places with her anyway.

 

As for her other worry, just reassure her that you'll be fine.

 

I think your concerns are normal (we all second guess ourselves prior to big decisions), but IME all these have not been an issue. The severest issues that turned up in our case during the transition was financial concerns, and the fact that he was tied down to college accommodation for another 6 months so we had to live separately for that time being, neither of which will presumably be a problem for you.

 

So, chin up, be excited!! Have fun.

[LisaLee]

It was definitely a concern for me, not for him. I think with our LDR, though, we were able to get a pretty good idea of how things go. We visited every other month for a couple of weeks at a time, and we spent our whole summer with each other. Still, I was nervous about us moving in, while he was pretty confident from the get go.

 

This December will be the second year of us living together, and things have been smooth sailing for the most part. I think our biggest issue is that we have different ideas of clean, and he tends to be more on the lazier side. Though with me working a lot, I am catching up with him in that department. I think what helps is that we are willing to work with each other, and keep the lines of communication open. We have gone out without each other, there have been a few times where he has gone back to his home state without me, and it is all quite normal. Overall, I would say our transition has been seamless.

 

We have also blended our finances, which is probably the easiest thing we have done together. We both are on the same page, financially, so everything with finances has been a non-issue. Big ticket items are discussed, whereas everything else is free reign (within reason). Generally, though, if the purchase of over $100 then we will discuss whether it is a good thing at the moment. I do all of the finances, and I like it that way. It has worked well for us, and money (thankfully!) is a non-issue.

 

In our case we were both moving. He had been accepted into a PhD program out of his home state and I was moving to be with him. So we were both starting from scratch, knowing absolutely no one and having no connections to the state we currently reside in.

 

Hope that helps. Good luck! It is an exciting time, for sure!

[Carenth]

Thanks for the replies Elswyth and LisaLee. Good to hear about your experiences in regards to this. I guess we are just both a bit nervous (and excited!) because it is going to be a big change for both of us rather suddenly.

 

We both want it to work out but we are not deluded that it will be all cupcakes and rainbows and will require effort from both of us. Honestly my biggest fear is freezing to death trying to get around in winter considering it doesn't snow where I live, it's something I'm going to have to get used to.

 

For me the biggest thing about this was giving up a stable job, honestly though I have not being enjoying it as of recent and would have moved on shortly regardless so it's not that bad I guess. It's like I'm going over there broke either so financially I will be fine for a while even if I can't get another job right away.

 

Leaving my friends and family does suck but to be honest I've always pretty much being ok on my own. I will probably eat these words later on but we shall see.

Edited October 17, 2013 by Carenth

[Els]

Yeah, it's a big move, Carenth, so it's totally normal to be a bit worried IMO. Try to look at it as an adventure - worst come to worst, if things really don't work out, it can always be reversed, no? And you would have experienced living in a new culture and environment (which IMO is always beneficial to personal growth), had a blast, and learnt things about yourself and relationships.

 

But all of that is a worst-case scenario anyway, chances are you'll be fine. The living together bit was a breeze for us.

[honeycomb]

I think it's perfectly natural to be a little nervous or anxious! My F moved from CA to WA in order to be with me, and things weren't super awkward because he'd been here for six weeks prior, so we kind of knew how things were going to go in general.

 

It's been the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am so thankful that he was willing to leave his family to make a life with me.