Living abroad for one year only, met a great guy!!

[ukgirl22]

So I'm from the states but I'm currently living in the UK for one year. I've been here for about two months already. In the end of august i met this really nice guy at a pub one night. we danced and kissed goodbye, we exchanged numbers and I didn't hear from him but couldn't stop thinking about him. So a couple weeks later i decided to text him one night. Two days after that we hung out for the first time. He told me he had told all his friends that I contacted him, and that he had been too nervous to reach out to me first. after that, we've been dating regularly. This guy is the greatest guy I've ever met, hands down. He's so consistent in the way he treats me. He takes me on the nicest dates, always texts me first, always follows through with everything he says. Recently we've been getting closer and closer. We hung out for the afternoon, he took me to a super nice and expensive restaurant, and after that he asked me where I saw us. He told me sometimes he's not sure of my feelings. Well I told him that I like him a whole lot and he said he did too, and that sometimes he just worries. Then he asked me if he could tell his friends I was his girlfriend. of course I said yes! I stayed the night in his flat once before that, we didn't have sex, (i had that time of the month) but he said he wanted to wait anyway because he really likes me. We cuddled all morning long, watched tv, had the best time. Our chemistry is undeniable. Last weekend I stayed the night with him again, we didn't have sex again because he didn't have any condoms, but we still had a great time together anyway. He took me to a movie, a nice dinner, and after that we had a drink with two of his friends. His friends already knew a lot about me because he had told them! He also told me that night that he has been trying to think of places he can take me here that I haven't been to yet. All signs point to: He really really likes me! He's so affectionate and sweet and I just feel like I can trust him.

But this time I decided to bring up my worries to him. I said I was confused because he is aware that next July I have to go back home to America, so I'm not sure why he's willing to be with me or what his intentions are. He said something that really upset me at that point: "obviously I know it's just short term, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun for now."

I was so confused by this. He had also told me previously that he wants to be in a relationship, and he has already asked me to be his girlfriend.

 

Can anyone give me some feedback or opinions on what this guy is thinking? I like him so much and I'm so afraid to get hurt. I realize that I have to leave here in 10 months but a lot could be done after that...

[Redkitty]

July is still far, enjoy the moment! who knows what will happen in the next few months. After a few months, you two may realize that you can't live without each other, you will find a way to be together if you or he wants to move to another country though, or he will be the best memory in your life. OMHO

[FitChick]

Throw yourself into this relationship totally. Experience what it's like to let yourself go, no games. If it goes bad, you will be leaving anyway and have wonderful memories. It's possible you could have a major relationship and plan to continue long distance for a while, with the understanding that one of you would have to move. Unless one of you has the type of job where you could find work in the others country, you 'd have to get married to be together.

 

Plenty of US/UK marriages start out this way. Enjoy it! I love British guys and would love to marry one and move to the UK.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Look, you've just met the guy...you're asking about 10 months down the road.

 

This is a bit age dependent (for me age is very relevant), if he's around the same age as you then this adds up, he's young, not typically looking towards the long-term...just trying to enjoy the relationship and moment for what it is now...that's normal for 2013 guys.

 

Here's the thing....a lot of guys end up in long-term relationships, by "accident" meaning they didn't really plan it that way from the beginning. Now depending on his relationship experience as well as yours, will be a factor in how this actually progresses...

 

Too little experience, you're likely to get a bit ahead of yourself...more experienced/mature you'll think about things a bit more calculated when the time comes...if that comes a reality in the relationship.

 

Here's the thing though....if you're young, just enjoy the experience. Don't have these expectations of love and this and that, I know I know...that's what it's all about I guess but chances are this isn't going to work out...it's not an easy transition, there are a lot factors involved when having international relationships that are just not entirely important right now...you would have to figure a lot of things out to make it work, and right now it's more fantasy/idealistic than realistic.

 

With that being said, when a guy says short-term....that's what you believe, you don't go down the road and "hope" for more. You're there a year, that probably has something to do with his confidence in this...a lot of men love short-term relationships with an expiration date because it's going to make the separation/break-up process much easier and much less personal...he'll just be like "oh yeah wish you were here forever....but you gotta go now, kiss kiss cya later have a nice life".

 

So take his intentions as short-term, if that's a problem for you and you can't invest in this emotionally then be a responsible grown-up and accountable for your own decisions and emotions, because he's telling you straight-up, right now in black and white that this is a short-term gig, that's all he sees it as, that's the conditions he is investing in this under...and for all intents and purposes that's what you should believe...do you get that? stop that little tick in your head that says "well maybe....maybe if he loves me...maybe if things work out..."...noo, guys pretty much mean what they say, sure emotions might wrap things around in a different light, because after all it's expected to be short-term since you live in separate countries...but still, believe it, place your expectations there.

 

If he's an older guy though then unless he's looking for a baby-maker/american wifey then don't count on it, much less so than above.

 

You have to decide if he treats you well enough and you feel respected and in a short-term relationship if that's good enough for you...but honestly that's probably as good as you'd hope to get, If a guy is already talking about marriage and having you move on over at this stage of the game, he's likely full of shet anyway or just crazy.

[Standard-Fare]

I think he just verbalized a reality of this dating scenario that both of you are well aware of. He shouldn't be faulted for that. And anyway, it's you who's going to be leaving – not him. Your own conditions are imposing this limitation.

 

But I agree with others that you should just see how things go. I think in a few months you'll have a better idea of which of these three options might work out best: a) continue to treat it as a casual, fun, temporary thing, b) step out because your feelings are getting too involved but you know it won't last long term, or c) see if in fact it does have long-term potential.

 

For now, though, just try to have fun.

[makingithappen]

I met my boyfriend while we were studying for our Master's in the UK, and while it was just a one-year programme, we had the most amazing time together, enjoying every single moment we had. It was only when the end of the programme approached that we started talking seriously about how we wanted to take our relationship from there.

 

It's now 2 years since then, and a year since we started our LDR (with a whole 6000 miles between us). Like everyone says here, go for it; enjoy the time you have together! You never know how it will turn out many more months down the road

[FitChick]

Why not discuss this with other Americans in the same situation? This is a forum for Americans who have fallen in love with Brits and are living here, living in the UK or both.