tomblanco123 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I was was with a girl back in 2004. We met in a foreign country and we were together for 2 years. I year was long distance. Long story short, we broke up after 1 year being together and 1 year long distance. We live far far away from each other. I live in Japan, she lives in Colombia. The breakup was very messy. We both made mistakes and braking up in an email (long distance) is always going to be messy. We said things that we shouldn't have said and we hur each other badly (she broke up with me). We haven't spoken since 2005. I emailed her twice but she never replied over the years. Now, I am going to be in Colombia for a few weeks. I am just wondering... is it a good idea to email her telling her this and leave it with her to decide if she wants to meet me? What do you think?
Sneaky Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Honestly, I'd say just go for it. You don't really have anything to lose and enough time may have passed. Try and send something short and casual and have no expectations. I hope things turn out well. 1
cherry_cola Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I agree with Sneaky. But only if you've 100% moved on and it won't mess up your head. Give her the option. It may still be to tough for her. but maybe she's moved on too. Wouldn't it be awesome to go out for a bite to eat and reminisce about the old times, so long as you've both put the past to bed now?
Author tomblanco123 Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Honestly, I'd say just go for it. You don't really have anything to lose and enough time may have passed. Try and send something short and casual and have no expectations. I hope things turn out well. I agree with Sneaky. But only if you've 100% moved on and it won't mess up your head. Give her the option. It may still be to tough for her. but maybe she's moved on too. Wouldn't it be awesome to go out for a bite to eat and reminisce about the old times, so long as you've both put the past to bed now? One thing you need to know. The breakup was very very bad. I mean, really bad. This is the reason we havent spoken for such a long time. The actual relationship was good (we were the first "real" to each other, not the "first-first" but the first really meaningful even tough we were together only for 2 years - well, 1 real...)
Author tomblanco123 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 We had a great relationship. The last year was long distance. She decided to break it off (we lived in different countries). The breakup was bad. We both said things that we never should have. We haven't talked since. I tried contacting her about a year after the breakup but never had a response. Now, I am in her country for 2 weeks again. I am wondering if I should contact her to see if she wants to meet up. I know, it will be out of the blue for her as she has no idea that I am here. What do you think? It has been about 7 years since the breakup.
forgetmenot75 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Huh? You serious? Bad idea. She's probably married, children, etc. You haven't done anything with your life in this 7 years? Why do you want to meet her?
hurts2death Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 i would be curious two... maybe first check the field ..i mean she is single.in her mind.work ,friends etc...if all make it possible for you then figure out sth to appear like an accident....
petall Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 You got your answer already when you contacted her a year after the break up and she did not respond. Her silence was your answer.
Author tomblanco123 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Huh? You serious? Bad idea. She's probably married, children, etc. You haven't done anything with your life in this 7 years? Why do you want to meet her? The reason for the breakup was the distance. The reason for ending in bad terms was the distance. I never really believed that I would see her again ever. We live very far from each other (different continents). I have no expectations, I am curious. I would like to know how she is. I understand that she won't answer any generic "how are you" emails as in her mind, probably there is no point to keep in touch after the way we ended in emails. However, I think she would be also curious to see me while I am here. I try to believe (or I am trying to convince myself??) that she would like to know from me in these special circumstances and 7 years has been enough to forgive (it was enough for me).
Author tomblanco123 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 You got your answer already when you contacted her a year after the break up and she did not respond. Her silence was your answer. I am not sure what happened with her after the breakup. She broke contact with all of our mutual friends that I know of. She even stopped contacting her so called best friend from the country where we met. I know, if she wants to, she knows how to contact me... however, something like this is once in a lifetime opportunity. I don't want to wonder what could happened "if". I wondered enough in the past - something that I didn't do had an impact on the relationship (was not the cause but the outcome may have been different now... - if you know what I mean.
Author tomblanco123 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 One thing I read somewhere: Time and maturity also go a long way toward healing over bad feelings and wounds, making it easier to re-establish contact. It is important to keep the past out of the present... ... My main fear is somehow hurting her or making things bad for her. I have absolutely no idea what consequences my sudden reappearance in her life might create for her. I don't want to open any old wounds or create new ones. If my actions in this endeavor bring me some pain and misery that's fine, it will have been my own doing. I loathe the idea of bringing the same to another. Then again, maybe she'll be happy to hear from me in these cirumstances...
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