Monodare1 Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Hi guys The wife is meeting with her lawyer on the 24th of this month regards my name on the joint mortgage. I'm keen to make sure that's it's off with no financial obligation. I'm also keen to discuss our sons Christmas to make sure that it doesn't degenerate into an expensive competition. When the ex and I speak on the phone (we try not to for nc reasons) it usually degenerates into an argument and I'm keen to meet with the ex to have an adult discussion at a neutral venue (cafe near our work respectively) to prevent an argument as we wouldn't do that in a public place. Is this a decent idea or would I be wasting my time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 I have to hasten to add that I have no intention of getting back together, I just need to diet finances and Christmas without a battle royale Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 Discuss finances Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Hi guys The wife is meeting with her lawyer on the 24th of this month regards my name on the joint mortgage. I'm keen to make sure that's it's off with no financial obligation. I'm also keen to discuss our sons Christmas to make sure that it doesn't degenerate into an expensive competition. When the ex and I speak on the phone (we try not to for nc reasons) it usually degenerates into an argument and I'm keen to meet with the ex to have an adult discussion at a neutral venue (cafe near our work respectively) to prevent an argument as we wouldn't do that in a public place. Is this a decent idea or would I be wasting my time? This will be a bit of an odd answer... I think this is a decent idea and if you think you can do it successfully then give it a shot. It will set a precedent for future dealings. My wife wanted to set up this sort of meeting with me a long time ago and I understand the motives. If it's workable for both of you then it's worth a try. I declined because I know I wouldn't be capable of it. I am aiming for as close to NC as I can get while co-parenting, and I refuse to discuss anything other than our son and finances. All comms with my wife are in writing, that way I keep control of every word and my adrenaline levels are manageable for me. It's a question of what's most effective communication for you without things getting out of control. I can't do it - some can. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Monodare1 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 Just want to sort stuff out that needs sorting without a "whose fault is it" situation, and our post relationship relationship has hit an all time low and I need to keep things amicable and business like for our little boys sake. Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Just want to sort stuff out that needs sorting without a "whose fault is it" situation, and our post relationship relationship has hit an all time low and I need to keep things amicable and business like for our little boys sake. That sounds very reasonable. I won't do it because of all the opportunities for the conversation to slide 'off-piste'. I don't do amicable myself, but business like is definitely the way to go. Good for you if you can do amicable. Link to post Share on other sites
MrE_UK Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Hi, My STBXW and me are trying to be as amicable as possible. It also helps our daughter to see us getting along - we have started sharing jokes now like we used to but with our daughter in the mix. Our little one laughs and enjoys it, so, makes putting feelings aside easier when you can see the benefits. A public place is definitely the way to go... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yarrow Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 If even your phone calls are degenerating into arguments, I don't see what meeting face-to-face is going to achieve. The only way I see this working is to do it in the presence of a neutral third party to act as a referee. Someone who can redirect the conversation if it is veering into "who's fault is it" territory and to make sure that you both stick to the pre-arranged agenda. Perhaps a marriage counselor would have the experience to facilitate this. Merely meeting in a public place may not keep her behavior in check. If you meet in a cafe and she ends up throwing a drink in your face, it's automatically assumed to be your fault. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Just want to sort stuff out that needs sorting without a "whose fault is it" situation, and our post relationship relationship has hit an all time low and I need to keep things amicable and business like for our little boys sake. I am hoping it can be amicable. Eventually it has to be. Public place and a 3rd party is best also. Link to post Share on other sites
hayewils Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 E-mail, Thats the best way imo to keep adrenaline and emotions in check. Then there is no face to face or a possibility for anybody to lose control. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I am hoping it can be amicable. Eventually it has to be. Yeah, I wonder about this. There's a lot of social pressure out there to be amicable, which I don't fall in with. I understand it makes things 'easier' on the surface of things, but if it isn't the truth then why try? I don't see any reason to treat immorality as a friend. I'm old school, a grumpy bugger, and probably too badly injured Link to post Share on other sites
K Os Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 E-mail, Thats the best way imo to keep adrenaline and emotions in check. Then there is no face to face or a possibility for anybody to lose control. Just a thought. I agree. Email works fine for me. I even curse when I get a text message. Link to post Share on other sites
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