My Brief Nightmare Relationship

[broken7820]

Hi - I'm having a really tough time with my breakup. Here's the history of my brief and dramatic relationship:

 

I'm 34, she's 30. She is a very successful professional women who would like to get married and have children. I am not sure if I would like to have children, but I would like to be married as well.

 

We dated for four months. 1 month into it - she used cocaine a party we were at. 2 months into it (we were sexual by then), she confided in me that she had herpes. I almost broke up with her (I wish I would have) - I was upset that she had not disclosed this BEFORE we became intimate. BUT she told me that she only used cocaine on special occasions and would stop it all together. She also said that she hadn't had any outbreaks in over two years...

 

By now, I was emotionally attached to her even though:

 

A) I'm against drug use of any kind

B) she had an STD that she had not told me about prior to intimacy

 

We then started to argue about insignificant things - where to eat, what movie to see, etc...

 

My sex drive decreased a lot. I started to lose my attraction for her (herpes was to blame, I think...)

 

With more arguments and less sex, things went downhill fast. I broke up with her... but then... started missing her... contacted her against my better judgment... and we got back together.

 

 

Then, about a month later... after another petty argument... she broke up with me.

 

Here is where my nightmare began:

 

I had no idea of the intensity of emotions that I was about to feel. They hit me like a tidal wave... I became obsessed... I stopped eating, started chain-smoking and drinking a lot. I wanted her back!

 

I never tried to see her and I never called... but I sent her numerous emails... she told me to never contact her again, and I promised her I wouldn't... but I sent four or five more emails... I could not control myself.

 

All of this unhealthy behavior surprised me. I had ignored some MAJOR red flags early in the relationship, and now I was fighting for something I KNEW was damaging.

 

We only dated for four months. She broke up with me two months ago. I should be over her by now... but I'm not even close. I think about her all the time. I know that I could go out and date someone new right now, but I'm just not interested.

 

I would really appreciate any advice - especially from someone who has also experienced an unhealthy, addictive relationship. If I stop all contact with her right now, this nightmare SHOULD end soon, right?

[overseas2004]

All I can say is that the fact that she did not tell you about the herpes is really really bad. It shows that she is a selfish b*tch.

 

And I think that you are suffering from a wounded ego and not love. We all want what we cant have. You will get over it. Just let the time pass.

[Devildog]

Time is the answer broken7820. Not a well received answer for most people, but the best and only answer really. After you get away from the situation it will really sink in how horrible this relationship was for you.

 

I am in the process of divorce from my wife of 5 years, together for 8. I railed and fought and sent emails as well in the begining. I knew as well that the relationship was not a healthy one, for me especially. With counselling and space away from the addiction I truly became aware in my heart what my head was telling me. When your head and heart are on the same page, you will feel much better about getting out of this relationship.

 

Stay strong, and keep your distance, no matter how hard it gets. You will thank yourself.

[LoveLiesBleeding]

Hi dude,

 

I had kinda the same thing happen to me. I fell in love with a call girl. Hey before eveyone laughs, they're human too and they have emotions right? Well at least thats what I thought before the emotional rollercoaster nightmare came barelling down on my head.

 

This is an addictive codependent relationship, completely unhealthy and doomed from the start just like mine was. The lies and deceit could destroy you and because you are trying to rationalize and figure out what happened you will just get more confused. The red flags were there for a reason and you just chose to ignore them for whatever reason, no worries man, i'm not judging cause I did exactly the same thing except in my case the flags had blinding flashers attached with sirens screaming "WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAN, SHE'S A HOOKER. WHASSAMATTA WITH YOU???!!!!" lol.

 

Like the other dude said it porbably is more something to do with ego than anything else. When one's pride gets a basshing like that we jsut start to obsess about the B.S. Anyway I think this could be a sign that you may have unresolved issues from your past that might continue to attract the same unhealthy type of person and cause you to continue to repeat these messed up relationship patterns until you resolve the issues. I went to a therapist who was really great and in only the first session much has been unblocked and worked on and my next and final session will take care of my past issues, so you see it doesn't have to drag on forever or cost an arm and a leg. Get some help and it may save you in the future too. Good Luck.

[Bubbles]

I wish you could have some-one criminally charged for giving an STD to an unsuspecting partner.

 

I think that is a dirty rotton low down trick.

 

My ex gave me plenty to visit the doctor over. Son-of-a.........you know!

 

 

Honey, your ego will heal. It takes some time. But isn't it a real kick in the pants when we cannot seem to "get over" someone whom we know is NOT good for us huh? It really sucks........but think of it this way........she's a diesease bag junkie! Who ever wants her can probably have her for the price of a coke rock.

 

You'll be better off in the long run. In the meantime......get to the doctor. Get yourself some blood tests so that you know "physically" where you stand......you may be the one explaning to your next partner about your STD. Or because you two were not "together" all that much? You may be alright.

 

bubbles