Eddie007 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) If you dont know my story Im at 2 months from breakup of a 4 year relationship and engagement. Have not seen or talked to her since the day she dumped me. I ran into her mom at the grocery store this afternoon. We made eye contact or I probably would have just ignored her. I didnt want to be rude as she has nothing to do with my and my ex's situation. She came up and gave me a big hug and said I looked really good (Ive lost some weight). It was strange talking with her as I didnt feel at ease at all. I could imagine how I would be talking to my ex if I cant even be comfortable around her mother. I asked how my ex's daughter was doing in school and such. She showed me her school pictures and talked about how she was doing. I asked about pretty much everyone in the family except my ex. I dont think I did it intentionally, but I just didnt want to know about her. She asked how I was and about my family. Just cathching up chit chat. I told her I had a new apartment and things were going well. We talked for about 15 minutes or so. By the end of the conversation I felt more comfortable. I mentioned I had lost most of my contacts on my phone. She wrote down her cell number for me and said to keep in touch. I feel like I broke no contact with this. =( Edited October 16, 2013 by Eddie007
petall Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Don't feel bad. You did not break NC. You were acting mature and being polite. Her mum is nothing to do with your and your ex's situation. You were being courteous and saying hello. Running away from her would have been rude. Don't beat yourself up over this. If anything, I am sure she will report back to her daughter how nice you were and she would feel bad.
JDPT Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Lose the number, no reason to keep in touch at all. You handled it well, just being courteous that's all. Move along and don't overthink anything she said, leave it in the past and keep pushin forward. 2
melell Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Keep going. I know it is unfair, these things we can't control so don't be too hard on yourself. I had to avoid checking my mail for a long time because things would come for my ex and it would mess my entire day up. It sucks. Hang in there, you handled that really well, and you will move past this just as you have everything prior. 1
Chi townD Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 You didn't break NC. You didn't ask about your Ex and she never gave up any information about her to you. You have no news on what's going on with her life and she with you (until mom tells her she ran into you and that you look great).
Author Eddie007 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 I'd say she will most likely tell her she saw me. They are very close. I feel better now. Honestly I was terrified when I saw her.
Minneloa Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Good job, Eddie! Seriously, grace under fire. I'm sorry you had to deal with this, but you handled it like a champ.
StyleOnEm Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 It would've been worse if you saw your ex potentially with her new boyfriend. You handled the situation really well & mature. You should be proud of yourself.
barky2 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Nope hands down that was very well done . Nc is with your ex not her family Stand up move. Good job. Continue with your progress forward and your healing. You're on the right track. Barky
BC1980 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 These situations occur, and there is nothing you can do but deal with them when they happen. You handled it as best you could. Seeing her mom will probably trigger some nostalgia, but keep on going. I think we are probably all scared of running in our exes or their families. Hell, I saw my ex's neighbor last week when I was out. I don't think he saw me, but his son recognized me. I quickly went the other way, so I wouldn't have to make awkward small talk.
Author Eddie007 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 So, every year for the past 4 years (while with my ex) I made a donation through my employer giving campaign, to a local chapter of a charity that supports a condition the daughter of my ex suffers from. I did this without anyone's knowledge as I wasnt seeking attention. I always made the donation in the daughters name. Every year they would send a confirmation email and a thank you letter to my home. I work from home so I always got the mail. When the letter would come I'd just toss it in the trash. These contributions are set up through an automatic payroll deduction and they renew every year unless you cancel. I got the email confirmation this morning about my annual contribution. I had totally forgotten about this since it only came up once per year. So now my ex is going to get a letter in the mail saying " thanks for your contribution... daughters name...... She is going to knos its from me because my employer matches all contributions and that shows on the letter as well. I called the charity this morning and they informed me the letter was already mailed. My mail has been forwarded but since the letter is addressed to the daughter it will go to her house. I'm afraid this will look like I only did this to get on her good side even though I've been doing it for years without anyone knowing.
BC1980 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 There's no right answer here. The best thing you can do is to forget what the Ed thinks and remember that the money is for the daughter ultimately.
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