ConfusedInOC Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 What are some of the best ways to take someone off your mind when you're trying to forget them? Indulge in your hobbies? Listen to music? Nature walks? Work harder at the gym? Go out and meet new people? Turn to family? Turn more to God? I need to get someone off my mind and resist the urge to write or call her. How do I do that?! I have never been in this position before where I am literally fighting with myself...
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by kellydontwanttasleep have sex with someone eles. Thanks but I am thinking more along the lines of HOBBY, not someone else.
Pendawn Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 I'd say the best two i've found in the past 4 days are: spend time online and spend time with friends. Anything you find yourself wanting to say to your ex, say it to friends or post it online on a message board like this one. It has helped me to feel I've said what I wanted to, without getting in contact with my ex. I found that better than simple distraction.
Nocturnalkitee Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC What are some of the best ways to take someone off your mind when you're trying to forget them? Indulge in your hobbies? Listen to music? Nature walks? Work harder at the gym? Go out and meet new people? Do not contact your ex, if you do you will grant that person to control your life once again. Pendawn has a good point. After a while family and friends will get tired of your whining . Just like you asked about in you post: Work harder at the gym, after the workout you will feel better. Go out and meet new people, do not try to date, this will be a rebound. Do activities that you enjoy that has nothing to do with the person you are trying to get over!
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 Thanks. I agree, I will stay away from her. With Christmas coming, I will just drop off her present (already bought it so I might as well give it to her). Is it tacky to just drop it off and leave without ringing the doorbell?
Weird Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 just keep your mind busy with other things. Movies, games, hanging with friends, etc. It is all about keeping the mind occupied.
overseas2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 I had a huge break up that involved losing a child a couple of years ago. Here is my formula. End all contact, by all means. Go out as much as possible and surround yourself with close friends and family. Read and watch movies. Work out till you drop... literally till you drop. Come here and write as often as you need help. Find a few friends on the internet that you can spout off too. Turn to God, by all means. Test yourself... do new things, go skydiving, or something that you never did but always wanted to Change your appearance... treat yourself. Eat healthy and take care of yourself. Allow yourself to go out with people who adore you... and let them complement you.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 I've been unable to sleep much. Is taking Tylenol PM OK until I can get past the first few weeks?
Isabella82 Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 First of all even if you already bought your ex something for christmas you should not give it to her. Return it and get your money back, or give it to someone who deserves it. Seriously she does not need a christmas gift from you after her breaking your heart, you are too nice of a guy. For me, I love to go out and spend time with friends, that is the best way to forget about my ex, I like to surround myself with people that understand me, and especially older people that have been through the same type of situation. They give me a different perspective of life and they give me some hope and reality about the whole situation. I can't believe I am actually saying this but after 7 months of no contact with my ex, you will get over it. I went from seriously having him on my mind 24/7 even in my sleep, those dreams were the worst, but now I have nights when he isn't constantly on my mind, I don't want to call him, there is nothing to say, I know he won't call me, and I'm okay with that. Anyway go out as much as you can, take every invitation you have to go out and meet new people, even if you feel down.....go. Through time it will get better, and you will start to feel interested in other people.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 Well what about the gifts for her family?! I've already bought those as well. It's kind of too late to NOT give them to them. They love me, I love them. It's HER that is undeserving. I know this is hard but I definitely think NC is the way to go. Did you have trouble sleeping and have a lot of stress? I am grinding my teeth to the point they hurt when I wake up from a slumber, not a deep sleep.
jamwinswim Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 you know, you probably have to cut ties with the family too. Even if you've bought presents. My ex broke up with me, but I had a wonderful relationship with her family - a second family to me as mine are back home in England - so that made it really tough. But if you try and keep a relationship with them, it will backfire - you will always want to know about her, or will hear about her, and thats just going to put her back in your head. I know you've bought all these presents, but listen to what you're saying..... I might as well give it to them (the presents). Send a card, yeah sure, but the presents? Give them to your own family, or return them. When breaking up, no contact has to extend to the family and most likely her friends too, or else its not going to work. And also, the family is always going to favour her, so you cant speak badly about her, and you will always hear when shes doing good, and if she gets another guy (that always hurts).
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by jamwinswim you know, you probably have to cut ties with the family too. Even if you've bought presents. My ex broke up with me, but I had a wonderful relationship with her family - a second family to me as mine are back home in England - so that made it really tough. But if you try and keep a relationship with them, it will backfire - you will always want to know about her, or will hear about her, and thats just going to put her back in your head. I know you've bought all these presents, but listen to what you're saying..... I might as well give it to them (the presents). Send a card, yeah sure, but the presents? Give them to your own family, or return them. When breaking up, no contact has to extend to the family and most likely her friends too, or else its not going to work. And also, the family is always going to favour her, so you cant speak badly about her, and you will always hear when shes doing good, and if she gets another guy (that always hurts). I appreciate the advice. Her mom has encouraged NC because she believes she will miss me a lot of I do. But she thinks it OK to leave the presents. I need to because that is the kind of person I am. It's going to be hard to not do it. Believe it or not, her family loves me and wants this to work. They do not talk to her about me and her mom is simply giving the advice she knows will have a positive effect. Believe it or not, her mom is staying out of it and only offering positive advice!
jamwinswim Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 ah if only they all listened to the parents - I guess i must have been a decent boyf, because whenever I do see her parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts now (at the mall, out in town, at sport events) they are always nice to me, and always asking about me, hugging me - must have left a positive impact. Her Grandma even calls me from time to time still to check up on me.... but alas it doesnt always work out for the best. Maybe in the long long term, who knows? Good luck buddy, stay head strong.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by jamwinswim ah if only they all listened to the parents - I guess i must have been a decent boyf, because whenever I do see her parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts now (at the mall, out in town, at sport events) they are always nice to me, and always asking about me, hugging me - must have left a positive impact. Her Grandma even calls me from time to time still to check up on me.... but alas it doesnt always work out for the best. Maybe in the long long term, who knows? Good luck buddy, stay head strong. Thanks. I will still do the presents and talk to just her mom. Her Grandma and Dad like me too. Her brothers and sisters could probably care less though I included them with the gifts. It doesn't help that I don't have any family here (I'm all alone ) so giving them presents just makes it feel more like Christmas to me, you know?
Naive Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC What are some of the best ways to take someone off your mind when you're trying to forget them? Indulge in your hobbies? Listen to music? Nature walks? Work harder at the gym? Go out and meet new people? Turn to family? Turn more to God? I need to get someone off my mind and resist the urge to write or call her. How do I do that?! I have never been in this position before where I am literally fighting with myself... * Date someone else. * Go out more * Get a hobby * Get another job * Go to church * Get amnesia It really all depends on how long you were with this person and how much they meant to you. Also how did it end.
Naive Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 What also works is to be on LS. Well there are times when it can work against you, but it does help to keep you busy.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 9, 2004 Author Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 What also works is to be on LS. Well there are times when it can work against you, but it does help to keep you busy. What is LS?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 9, 2004 Author Posted December 9, 2004 Der <-- Me! Yes, this place has definitely helped me be stronger and has given me insight necessary to work on my recovery. I wish I was as smooth and desireable as most other men without my problems. I am decent looking and all, I am just no where near cool and don't know how to handle myself in order to make women desire me. Once they get to know me, they think I am too much of a pushover when I am sentimental, loving, caring, etc. Doesn't mean I am a wuss (and I am not by any stretch of the mind). I can reel them in, I just can't keep 'em And at 35, I am wondering if my time to be married as passed me by.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 9, 2004 Author Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 By the way, are you a fan of Gilligan? Yes, but the main reason I am using him as an avatar is because that is how the ex makes me feel. Stupid.
Naive Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC And at 35, I am wondering if my time to be married as passed me by. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? You have plenty of time!!!! Don't worry about it just go out and meet new people.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted December 9, 2004 Author Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? You have plenty of time!!!! Don't worry about it just go out and meet new people. This is my first true love and the only girl I could have ever imagined me marrying in 17 years of dating....that says a lot.
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