Author Kayla-May Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 I forwarded a really funny picture message to him today... purely because no one would have understood it apart from him, and he did find it really funny... but now I am kicking myself for caving!! I have said have a great day now so that basically says I am not texting you any more... and I wont... but why the hell did I cave?!! I am so annoyed with myself.. but it makes it so much harder cos he is so nice to me... its not like he is telling me to f*** off... he's actually talking to me like a friend... but its not helping me... urghh!! annoyed with myself right now!! I have no will power
Zahara Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) I forwarded a really funny picture message to him today... purely because no one would have understood it apart from him, and he did find it really funny... but now I am kicking myself for caving!! I have said have a great day now so that basically says I am not texting you any more... and I wont... but why the hell did I cave?!! I am so annoyed with myself.. but it makes it so much harder cos he is so nice to me... its not like he is telling me to f*** off... he's actually talking to me like a friend... but its not helping me... urghh!! annoyed with myself right now!! I have no will power Maybe the next time you want to text, read your post again. Everytime you want to text, you have to step back, THINK and ask yourself, "Ok, Kayla, text and THEN WHAT?" The moment you want to text, say to yourself you are going to wait an hour. See how you feel. Most times, the urge will pass. If an hour comes around and you still want to text, text it to a friend. Most times we text, and then the moment we hit SEND, we go, "Ugh, why did I do that!" Your answer to THEN WHAT will be, "I go back to the same hole I've been in." Use your brain again. Do you want to stay in the hole? No. Talk yourself out of it, logically. If you think that by some miracle, your texting will keep reminding him of you and he may one day come your way, stop. His mind is with this new woman. All you're doing is coming of as desperate and as polite as he is, I am not sure you're doing yourself any favors by acting sad and desperate. And he can smell that. Edited October 17, 2013 by Zahara
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Kayla-May you need to stop contacting him. Why do you do it? Because there is a period of time that is really hard after a break up and you miss them. But you need to stop. You need to stop because until you are no longer in contact you cant start to move on from it. You are prolonging your unhappiness. Its hard at first too because you had a life with them. You probably built your life around them. But you WILL build a new life and you will be happy again. We are in similar situations you and I. But me and my ex broke up several times. The last time I basically said to myself **** this and **** you. I deserve so much better then this. Its a mind set. I thought what's so bloody great about you anyway. Not much really. The deal with break ups I think is that the OP just wants something different, something else. He has ended it with you. This means he does not want you in his life. I'm sorry I know that is harsh but its the truth. When you contact him you are just giving him an ego boost. He's sitting back living his life happily. And your just unhappy. That's not right. You need a new mind set. You need to realize that he just is not worth it. You deserve better. And you will meet someone better. Focus on some of the bad points in the relationship, some of his bad points, and dont think about the good things. 1
aybc123 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 (edited) Look, relationships end, sometimes they're not meant to be, you will find love again. Now, make a resolution to yourself to stop texting him, there's no need to delete his number or facebook or say something he'll wonder about or get back power or any of that bull**** advice you'll find. Act like a grown up and exert some willpower. The fact is that he has moved on, which is why he is quite easily able to stay friends with you, he likely has fond memories of your relationship, and cares about you but is not bothered about being very close to you anymore and does not have romantic feelings for you. This is how I as a guy would be feeling if I was acting the way your ex has been anyway. You saying weird things and cutting off contact to make him wonder isnt going to make him wonder it's just going to make him frustrated and tarnish the respect he has for you. The best thing to do is just stop texting him, he will likely text you every now and again and you can reply politely as you have been doing but stop initiating contact because it is stopping you from moving on. Eventually you will move on and when you do youll feel very glad that you did not embarrass yourself or taint the memories you and your ex had together just to get a rise out of him or provoke a reaction, it's not worth it, it really isn't. Frankly I think all the no contact stuff is bull**** anyway, instead of ingoring a person entirely you should be treating them like a casual friend or acquaintance because that is what they will become eventually and that is all an ex can ever be once they're an ex, you cannot be good friends with them, it always interferes with subsequent relationships and ends up hurting people, including yourself. Edited October 17, 2013 by aybc123
Simon Phoenix Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I forwarded a really funny picture message to him today... purely because no one would have understood it apart from him, and he did find it really funny... but now I am kicking myself for caving!! I have said have a great day now so that basically says I am not texting you any more... and I wont... but why the hell did I cave?!! I am so annoyed with myself.. but it makes it so much harder cos he is so nice to me... its not like he is telling me to f*** off... he's actually talking to me like a friend... but its not helping me... urghh!! annoyed with myself right now!! I have no will power Yeah, you really need to find a backbone or a spine. I mean, delete his damn number or something. You're an adult, it's time for you to act like one. The ability not to give in to impulses is what separates us from the animals. 1
Author Kayla-May Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Thats the thing.... when it comes to any thing else in life, I will not ever put up with crap from any one... ever... I just seem to be an absolute mug when it comes to my ex...
Author Kayla-May Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 so far haven't messaged him today!!
Author Kayla-May Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Day one of no contact and I feel rubbish... I guess that is to be expected, but I don't really know how to cope when I have no one to talk to... I want to learn to be happy with myself, by myself, and to love myself. More than any thing I want to get through this and be happy without him. I don't want to love him any more, I don't want to feel like this any more. I want to feel like myself again without having to trick myself into it... And without it only being temporary. I don't want to be tempted to always talk to him. I want to actually want the best for me... I want all of this, I just wish I knew how to get there, and I wish it didn't take so long. Now I know these things take time, I know that. But how can I feel better now?? Because I really have had enough of feeling this low all of the time...
Simon Phoenix Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Keep yourself busy. Go out and make new friends. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Conners Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Hi Kayla, How are you going with the NC? Have you managed to stick to it? I am going through the same thing as you right now and also need some help with not contacting him.
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