libertyme Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I was dumped after 6 months of LDR. He ended it because he said i made him feel bad under circumstances and he thought after long and hard that us will never work out because of our different lives in different places. I agreed calmly and let him go because what else can I do when he texted me that. Now after 2 weeks of NC, I'm going crazy thinking maybe i can write him a last goodbye letter explaining why i was being bratty that day, why i must see him even when he was so busy conferencing? because of my rough rough day at work. to tell him what happened to me that day and i know why because i want to do this as my last effort to salvage this relationship and letting go my last hope. i have the letter drafted and the gist is that explaining why I was bratty and demanding his attention and i won't impose him and wish him well. do you think i should? i'm ready to expect the worst. no reply and some harsh words. do you think i should stay silent (but i don't think i'll be free coz i'll always think the ifs) and send and risk feeling worst?
Philosoraptor Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Look sweetie, he was just trying to place the blame on you. Truth is he was already tired of the LDR and was looking for an out. Your "bad day" gave him an excuse to end it while also letting him leave guilt free by shifting the blame onto you. Take care of yourself, heal up, move on, and try to find someone a little more local this time. 3
Author libertyme Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 thank you for the reply. I'll not send the letter and i'll move on even though it's hard now, but i can do it. ya, i can! thank you for your time.
Fufu Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) I was dumped after 6 months of LDR. He ended it because he said i made him feel bad under circumstances and he thought after long and hard that us will never work out because of our different lives in different places. I agreed calmly and let him go because what else can I do when he texted me that. Now after 2 weeks of NC, I'm going crazy thinking maybe i can write him a last goodbye letter explaining why i was being bratty that day, why i must see him even when he was so busy conferencing? because of my rough rough day at work. to tell him what happened to me that day and i know why because i want to do this as my last effort to salvage this relationship and letting go my last hope. i have the letter drafted and the gist is that explaining why I was bratty and demanding his attention and i won't impose him and wish him well. do you think i should? i'm ready to expect the worst. no reply and some harsh words. do you think i should stay silent (but i don't think i'll be free coz i'll always think the ifs) and send and risk feeling worst? Dear libertyme, My advice (same as the others) is definitely not to send him any letter or any contact with him. Personally, LDR is tougher to maintain and I am always amazed by couples having love and faithful to one another despite the distances. From your relationship, thankfully it is only 6 months. Instead of working things out with you, he decided to break up and worst of all push all the blames on you by giving you a break up text (not sincere at all) (Think about it: Did he put in any effort in the beginning before making that decision?) He's not worthy for you to send him any letter to salvage the relationship. All I can say is, this guy is just not ready for LDR. Save yourself from getting some hurt from this guy (Even if you can accept the harsh words or non-reply from him. Totally not worth your time and effort) I will rather you put your effort and time in continuing NC and do some other activities. Edited October 16, 2013 by Fufu 1
Author libertyme Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 It has been a turmoil. I'm still struggling and i'm trying to let go. it's so hard. sometimes in my head, i still hope he would be sorry and come back but knowing him, he's the kind when he made up his mind, he'll never back down. stupid me for still holding on.
aaron11892 Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I sent my ex a goodbye letter, I don't care if she liked it or not, I was doing it for myself. She left me without any real closure so I needed closure for myself, It was 5 pages long talking about the good times we had and eventually how unfortunate things had to end. I said I was moving on and will NEVER contact her again and that I don't expect her to get in touch with me either, she hasn't. It's been 4 weeks since I sent it and it has took a lot of weight off my shoulders as I had so much to say and she never gave me the chance. I knew she had received the letter though because a friend told me she updated her facebook status saying "Why can't you just leave me alone??" Oh well, sending the letter was for my benefit, not hers. After that I have gradually started moving on but still think about her sometimes. If you want to send a letter, do it but just don't expect them to change their mind about the situation.
SoonMyFriend Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Here's my two cents... What my ex did: He mailed me a letter, and it was full of "I will always love you" "You're the one" etc, etc. As the dumper, I didn't like it. I want him to move on. I read it because I thought it would help give him closure but it didn't. It just made him want to open up even more. What I did when I was recently dumped: I wrote my ex a letter but kept it. I kept it so I could re-read it to remind myself why he's not worth it. Then I wrote myself a letter as if I were a concerned friend. I re-read that one all the time to help me move forward. Bottom line - you know deep down the letter won't help. It won't give you the closure because you know as soon as you send it, you'll think of more things you want to say. You'll never say enough. I say, write it all down but don't send it. Burn it down the road when you feel ready to let go.
Never Again Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Things like this are tricky, and usually not a good idea. I wrote and sent a letter, but I never mentioned my feelings. I had accidentally hurt her at one point in the relationship, and she wanted to keep me around as a friend after the breakup...so my letter was a simple "I know I hurt you. I never meant to and I'm sorry. Friends isn't on the table right now. I'll always think positively of you." I did not expect a response, but sending it made ME feel better because I knew I was healed at that point and was trying to send a mature "farewell". It's really not for everyone, and I probably could've healed just as well without doing in. When in doubt, don't.
forgetmenot75 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Sending a goodbye letter is the big mistake along with begging one can make. You are showing the dumper how vulnerable you are. Don't you understandthey are not interested in what you have to tell them? If they were, they would have asked you. Goodbye letters are like vomit, you vomit all you have inside, you open your heart once more, to the person who has hurt you, to the person who areadymade a decision, the decision to break with you. They don't care what you have to say, keep it for yourself and stop being a doormat.
dolita Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 He wont reply It will give him closure and not you
crazybestie101 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 I sent my ex a goodbye letter, I don't care if she liked it or not, I was doing it for myself. She left me without any real closure so I needed closure for myself, It was 5 pages long talking about the good times we had and eventually how unfortunate things had to end. I said I was moving on and will NEVER contact her again and that I don't expect her to get in touch with me either, she hasn't. It's been 4 weeks since I sent it and it has took a lot of weight off my shoulders as I had so much to say and she never gave me the chance. I knew she had received the letter though because a friend told me she updated her facebook status saying "Why can't you just leave me alone??" Oh well, sending the letter was for my benefit, not hers. After that I have gradually started moving on but still think about her sometimes. If you want to send a letter, do it but just don't expect them to change their mind about the situation. 5 pages , really ? Do you think she read those all pages? 1
crazybestie101 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 I did sent an good bye email to my ex after he backed out for talking on phone. He replied me saying " leave me alone , dont ever contact me " So just like how others say you cant expect them to change their mind but you can do for yourself , so that you can move on.
Sugarkane Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 5 pages , really ? Do you think she read those all pages? I'm amazed at how much dumpees can write. Just because I could never write this much and would be stuck after a page. 1
crazybestie101 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I'm amazed at how much dumpees can write. Just because I could never write this much and would be stuck after a page. i feel same. I would feel like i am repeating one thing over and over if i want to write full page. And i know my ex wouldn't bother reading more than a paragraph. Useless to write all those pages ( just saying)
Simon Phoenix Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I wrote 900 words that I never sent and I thought that was too much. Five pages. If I was the ex I'd just send back a one-word message to that "Cliffs?". 1
Axee Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I want to say something here: My former ex, not this one, the one before that .. He had not treated me all that well and he broke up with me.. I begged and pleaded to convince him ... but he didnt budge... Finally I still remember the date , May 2nd 2011.. I called him to meet in a coffee shop.. we both met, I had already planned what I was going to do.. I said its my treat, we both had stuff and treat was over , I cudnt implement wat I had planned.. Fate intervened, the bearer didnt have change and asked us to please be seated... So as we sat, I questioned him for his actions ..He started to defend himself by giving some flimsy reasons, finally I caught him at one point and asked him the reason for this betrayal, I said "I dont want to ever see your face " I got up, and walked out the coffee shop right when he was sitting there with a shocked look... 5 minutes later, I strongly felt the urge to call him /contact him/ I resisted.. 3 to 4 messages arrived.. "What you did was not right " etc etc.. I dont reply... 4 days later at night 2 AM , a long, very long email arrives, "You know I didnt betray you, blah blah blah blah please forgive me , please let me go in peace , I didnt mean to happen this way , I am not even able to eat" etc etc The entire time I was the one not able to eat, and he didnt show even an ounce of emotion and NOW he says this ....I GOT closure and I didnt reply. SO , IF you want to say "I love you so much blah blah " -> No use , you will go furthur down in the dumper's eyes .. If you want to say "I hate you so much blah blah" -> The msg might go across but for sure the relationship is spoilt ( You can do this if you never intend to get back together). He /She might not repeat the same actions with another girl or guy. Else your best bet is to remain silent, or write things and never send..
Author libertyme Posted October 19, 2013 Author Posted October 19, 2013 Well, after so many days of contemplating, I decided not to send the letter i wrote. I didn't feel like sending it anymore. You all are right. It'll make me even "crazy" in his eyes. He would've even be more convicted that he made the right decision of dumping me. He always say i'm crazy and a woman? am i? like if you like a gal, would you do radio silence on her coz you're busy for whole month? is it that hard to spend just 30 seconds texting me? So a guy who'll do that to a girl just means that he doesn't like her right? Looking back i must be really crazy to still want to write him a goodbye letter.
Recommended Posts