alphamale Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 OK Folks: Now....I've heard much about this new book that is sorta a dating guide for women. I thumbed thru it at the bookstore for about 15 minutes. Did not think much of it. It gave some good, sound and practical advice that would not apply in the real world of dating when you throw in irrationality, emotions, jealousy and human nature. What are your opinions of this book and do you think it gives good advice to women for the real world??
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 I found it entertaining and took it for what it was. Generalized, and not allowing for exceptions but interesting. I wonder how many guys got dumped as a result of this book? Seriously, it would be unrealistic to compare every single guy you meet to this book to see if he cares about you - but it does give some pretty good common sense advice in general. Its usually pretty easy to tell when someone doesn't want you, but if you are already blinded by love and hope - its easier to try to justify everything they do rather than accept that they don't love you back. This just helps to cut through that 'blinder' a little bit.
ntovrhm Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 I haven't read the book, but I think it is supposed to give advice to woman to overcome "irrationality, emotions, jealousy and human nature" in deciding whether a man is interested in you enough to pursue the relationship. And if otherwise, to just let it go without being subject to "irrationality, emotions, jealousy and human nature".
Author alphamale Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by ntovrhm I haven't read the book, but I think it is supposed to give advice to woman to overcome in deciding whether a man is interested in you enough to pursue the relationship. And if otherwise, to just let it go without being subject to Dear NTOVRHM: Please explain HOW exactly one takes all these things out of human relationships. Like isn't irrationality, human nature, jealousy and emotions part of being with someone and part and parcel of dating, marriage, divorce, death, etc....
ntovrhm Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 In the beginning of relationship, I think anyone can keep certain emotions in check. I think the book is trying to teach woman to look at a man's "actions" or "inactions" in how he treats you to determine how he feels about you, and to react accordingly those actions as opposed to your overwhelming desire to be with him. Sometimes some women get the wrong messages from a man's words, and when you like someone, perhaps you will take even the smallest act of kindness to be some sort of encouragement for you to pursue and maintain some type of hope that something can happen with someone you like. You won't give up the "feelings" that are part of human nature, but perhaps the book is try to prevent you from wasting those "feelings" on someone who will care enough to reciprocate. As humans, we do have the ability to control how we react to our emotions.
EC Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 OOOOhhh is that what that book does? But see thats why I try to stray from those books. I mean how do you really know? And I mean I don't know about you guys but I know some desperate, phycho women who will take everything that book says to heart, or twist it around and then how will they ever find and keep a man? I just go with the flow...lol
ntovrhm Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by ntovrhm You won't give up the "feelings" that are part of human nature, but perhaps the book is try to prevent you from wasting those "feelings" on someone who will care enough to reciprocate. Sorry, I meant "prevent you from wasting those feelings on someone who does not care enough to reciprocate." For a friend I know, the book was a needed splash of cold water in her face, and I think it has helped her to at least realize some of the mistakes she has made in placing her hopes of a relationship in men that have not felt that strongly for her.
SadAndLonely Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 I think that if everything in this world were standard (which nothing is), and every guy out there were the same (which they aren't), then it'd be a good book. However, my boyfriend isn't typical, and none of the nonsense in that book fits him. It just doesn't take exceptions into account. I don't like a book telling me how someone feels about me based on some actions that could mean just about anything.
Author alphamale Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by SadAndLonely I think that if everything in this world were standard (which nothing is), and every guy out there were the same (which they aren't), then it'd be a good book. However, my boyfriend isn't typical, and none of the nonsense in that book fits him. It just doesn't take exceptions into account. I don't like a book telling me how someone feels about me based on some actions that could mean just about anything. I agree...i thought a lot in the book was bull-oney.
ntovrhm Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 True, the book supposedly does not consider the exceptions. But I do know some women that hold onto the the idea of forcing something that may not be there, and making excuses for the man's behavior that would allow the women to keep hope. I think the point is to not beat a dead horse, but accept the facts and move on. alpha male: I'm sort of surprised that you don't agree with some of the generalizations, since sometimes I see you throw them out so much in SOME of your advice.
Author alphamale Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by ntovrhm alpha male: I'm sort of surprised that you don't agree with some of the generalizations, since sometimes I see you throw them out so much in SOME of your advice. sometimes I do generalize, ntovrhm, but all the generalizations are based in reality. advice is usually generalized because we cannot know the total exact details of every situation. because of this the answers or advice are general in nature. but i do agree that every situation and person is unique.
ntovrhm Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 It is my understanding that the overgeneralizations that come from the book reagarding how a man will act when they like and don't like a women DO come from a basis in reality.
startingover1028 Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 I think someone hit the nail on the head when they said sometimes we are blinded by love and can't see what's happening to us and therefore, need someone to spell it out for us... in all it's ugly truth! isn't that why a lot of us are here?... to have you guys listen to our stories and tell us what we can't always see for ourselves? That's what this book does, I think.... It's pretty much common sense to me: If a guy doesn't call for weeks.... he's just not that into you... If a guy consistently says he's too busy for you.... he's just not that into you... If a guy says he forgot to call, come by, e-mail (whatever....) he's just not that into you... I don't think the exception is guys either. I think women do their fair share of brush offs. Let's write a book about that. What would we call it?.... She's Into You... But Only For Your (Money, Car, Sex)????? (I'll probably get flamed on this one... it's just a joke)
ntovrhm Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Let's write a book about that. What would we call it?.... She's Into You... But Only For Your (Money, Car, Sex)????? LOL.
SadAndLonely Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by startingover1028 If a guy consistently says he's too busy for you.... he's just not that into you... Let's write a book about that. What would we call it?.... She's Into You... But Only For Your (Money, Car, Sex)????? (I'll probably get flamed on this one... it's just a joke) I don't agree totally. Maybe if he says it for months on end, but here's an example: I'm taking 18 credits, trying to maintain a straight-A average, and working. Because it's almost finals, I haven't had much time for my boyfriend lately. Sometimes people ARE too busy, and sometimes people DO forget things. But people shouldn't use just these as gauges. There are other ways a man can show his love. Let's say a man is working 12 hours a day to support his wife and four children so his wife can stay home with them. If that's what the wife wants, then she can't really complain about him not having much time for her. And may I also mention that I'm getting sick of seeing, "He's just not that into" flipped around as advice. Some pop culture things (such as Sex in the City) need to die a horrible, flaming death. Then again, I always go for the D&D-playin'-not-many-girlfriends-not-into-sports geek-type, so what do I know? I won't flame you for the joke, but I WOULD like to mention that I make more money than my boyfriend AND drive a nicer car, so nyah.
Author alphamale Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by SadAndLonely Then again, I always go for the D&D-playin'-not-many-girlfriends-not-into-sports geek-type, so what do I know? but I WOULD like to mention that I make more money than my boyfriend AND drive a nicer car, so nyah. the reason you make more $$$ and drive better car than your boyfriend is cause he is a dork. These kind of guys end up working at Subway for the rest of their lives. No....i'm just having fun with you S.A.L. Good luck with the finals.
SadAndLonely Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Nah, he has two college degrees. If he didn't do anything with his life I'd have to kill him. And thank you!
morrigan Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by startingover1028 I don't think the exception is guys either. I think women do their fair share of brush offs. Let's write a book about that. What would we call it?.... She's Into You... But Only For Your (Money, Car, Sex)????? Maybe the publishing company can add Venus In Furs in with that book order.
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