Author RollTide10 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 As hysterical as it is to say, yes I want her to come back and I do believe we are amazing together and could make it last forever with a little work. But if she doesn't believe that then I honestly can't do a thing ya know? It's all on her now.
Janni Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Yes, it is. But if you honestly believe and hope you can make it, then you should fight for it. Set yourself some boundaries - What will you not tolerate from her? What are your limits? Has she reached out to you in any way?
Author RollTide10 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 She still talks to me as in texting and what not but she hasn't come out and said anything as far as reconciliation goes. All of her answers as far as where we stand always end in a "right now". Such as I've been telling you we are done will I be in this spot forever? I don't know but it am now. I am done" etc. I proposed a friendly lunch to her when she got back into town and she hasn't replied back yet, but she is at work. She texted me a little on her lunch break and she seems somewhat distant, but in my heart I believe there is a chance. I firmly do. Maybe she isn't ready now, but something keeps tell me it's not over just yet. It might be next week or it might be next year, but I truly do believe we will find our way back to each other.
Janni Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Wow. This is harder than I thought. You telling me about you and your ex, still hoping. It reminds me of where I was only two months ago and it just makes me miss my ex so much more. It makes me remember the hope I had. And how hopeless I feel right now. What I did back then, was that I only answered when he texted me. I did not contact him. I tried acting as if I was calm and maybe even moving on. Whenever we'd meet up, I acted happy and as if everything was fine. I knew it made him feel uneasy - Afraid of losing me for good. So a month after the BU he started flirting with me and then wanted me back. I can not say it will work for you. You know best. But make sure, you are not comforting her and giving her whatever she needs from you without having to commit, thereby helping her to move on.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 I'm waiting on this response to the lunch. Here's the thing the "guy" I'm concerned about is quitting working with her dad after this job and going to a different job that requires being going 6-9 months straight. 7 days a week 14 hours a day. Now my logical thinking says ok....he's living for himself, he's a young guy and only worried about money, but that little devil on my shoulder is saying are you blind as a bat? She doesn't have a "job" right now. She's working with her dad and might not get to go anywhere else after this. She can just pack up her bags and go with him.
Janni Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Yes. She can. You are probably hoping I will tell you she wouldn't do that. But the fact is I can't. And you can't. Only she knows. But if she is willing to move with him, is she really worth it? It sounds to me like she is no good for you. You've given up on your dreams for her. And she did not appreciate it. She does not want you the way you want to be. She is holding you back in life. And it's such a shame! You seem like such a great guy with great potential. I am sorry she has this influence on you.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 It's almost a I just wish they would get together now thing if that's going to happen so I can grieve that she has truly moved on BUT I will see clear as day that her love for me isn't what she claimed it to be. And that whole FB thing she put up could've been towards him. It could've been that he's not wanting to get into anything because he will be gone for long but she wants him to because she cares for him kind of thing. There are THOUSANDS of variables and outcomes and I don't have an answer for any one of them.
Janni Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 She's keeping you hooked by always saying "Right now." My ex did the same. Told me he wasn't sure. He "thought it might not" work out. Never one or the other. Always something vague. It sounds to me like you want her to tell you she's done for good, so you can move on. Why don't you make that decision? Tell her you're done. She won't commit, so you are done.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Because I'm a hopeless romantic lol. Will I end up getting crushed? Probably so but something won't let me give up. I guess that's part of the learning curve. Either take the easy way or find out the hard way and unfortunately I'm taking the hard road. Am I still living my life? Absolutely. Am I trying to better myself in the process? Yes. Belief on this website says that really isn't possible. And I don't think it is, but I've always strived in life to be a 1%er if that makes since. Those people on top. The ones that succeed when life in general suggests it isn't possible. That 1%
Janni Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 You have made your decision. I made the same decision, so I understand. I hope it works out for you.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 And I do 110% believe in the advice that you and everyone else has given me. Just let her be. It will probably come down to that. One thing she doesn't know is that all the jobs I've worked with her dad I've been taking my travel and per diem checks and throwing them into my savings account. I've got well over enough money to finally make a payment on a ring and I had all the intentions to do so before the end of this year. Maybe that's what is making me hold on? Knowing that we had a future planned out but oh well. Only one of two things happen. We reconcile and I'm happy as I can be or she moves on and I grieve but I in turn live my life.
Janni Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I definitely believe it is of great importance. You had you life planned out - And she was the main event. Maybe you are not ready to give up the idea of a marriage. Maybe it isn't her, but just the idea? The future you had envisioned?
Author RollTide10 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Well it's over. Her exact words. Why would I want to work on something when there is nothing there. I see no future with us, not now and not then. I just want to move on and be happy. There it is folks. This is why no contact should always be used. I did what I wanted to and what I thought was best, but when people tell you to just accept it and let it be and move on, they are doing it in your best interest.
Janni Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 I am sorry. But you will be alright. Even though you don't think so. And that's what everyone says - You will be alright. Right now it's day by day. At least for me. I don't even know if I can deal with having a friend over for dinner tomorrow. Or going to that party on saturday. I just want to stay in bed. I hope you are okay. If not, let me know.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Far from okay, but what else can we do? Our loved ones have chosen to find happiness elsewhere. The pain of rejection and the turmoil in my stomach at the thought of her with another man is almost unsafe right now. But I don't want to suffer anymore. I'm 6'2 guy....because of these past 2 weeks I have lost 17 pounds and am below 170. I look like a skeleton. I don't eat. I used to be so active but I don't do anything. If I keep on at this rate I will find myself in a hospital bed clinging for dear life. I've tried. I've tried. I've tried. I've tried. My heart tells me YOU HAVENT TRIED HARD ENOUGH, but reality says otherwise. She's gone and now it's time to try over and over to accept that. Won't be easy, but I know I'm 1 in a trillion that have been here before.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Well though I'm an extremely dark place right now, I was just pulled up a little bit. I figured id share with you all that even though my dreams of being with my ex for the remainder of my days was shattered, that my dreams of being a CRNA were not. Today was an extremely bad day but about 45 minutes ago I checked the mail and received my letter if acceptance to CRNA school. I've been through a year and half of a waiting game with this and today of all days when I was just ready to crawl into a hole, this happened. The world is a mysterious place!!
AnyaNova Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Far from okay, but what else can we do? Our loved ones have chosen to find happiness elsewhere. The pain of rejection and the turmoil in my stomach at the thought of her with another man is almost unsafe right now. But I don't want to suffer anymore. I'm 6'2 guy....because of these past 2 weeks I have lost 17 pounds and am below 170. I look like a skeleton. I don't eat. I used to be so active but I don't do anything. If I keep on at this rate I will find myself in a hospital bed clinging for dear life. I've tried. I've tried. I've tried. I've tried. My heart tells me YOU HAVENT TRIED HARD ENOUGH, but reality says otherwise. She's gone and now it's time to try over and over to accept that. Won't be easy, but I know I'm 1 in a trillion that have been here before. First thing. Eat!!! If you have to live on a steady diet of megavitamins, chocolate ice cream, Doritos, and twinkies. Eat! Sustain your body, and as soon as eating becomes normal again, switch to a healthy diet that will give your brain the chemicals it needs to help you cope with this! Your ex is not with dying for. Repeat this. Often. You can cope and you can make it through this. Read up on the Vassopressin effect in men. It will at least help you understand a good portion of what you have to recover from. Repeat over and over that you've done everything and it is over. Healing can't begin until all hope is extinguished. I think that he longest part f the healing process is killing all that hope. You can do it. The hope will kill you and hurt you more, and prevent the new good hope of a new relationship with a new person.
AnyaNova Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Well though I'm an extremely dark place right now, I was just pulled up a little bit. I figured id share with you all that even though my dreams of being with my ex for the remainder of my days was shattered, that my dreams of being a CRNA were not. Today was an extremely bad day but about 45 minutes ago I checked the mail and received my letter if acceptance to CRNA school. I've been through a year and half of a waiting game with this and today of all days when I was just ready to crawl into a hole, this happened. The world is a mysterious place!! This is why you fight! This is why you eat! And move on with your life. So that when you start, you are recovered from her, and so you will succeed in your new path and not be destroyed by her. She broke your heart, she doesn't get your life or your life's work as well!!! Congratulations!!!! Hold fast to this. Hold fast to you. 1
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