love1336x Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 to not want to date a loser?! lol, yet totally be smitten by him? I am not dating my friend, but we are super close... and *le sigh* I am very smitten by him. I haven't felt this way in LONG time,and I want him to be my boyfriend, however... 1.) He's young. Talking 19 years old. I'm 23. I already dated young men.. and eh... I can't say I had much luck with that, but i know NOT all men are the same. 2.) He doesn't want to really do anything with his life. Hates school, doesn't drive... works at dead end job.... 3.) His out-look in life.. is so.. "whatever happens...yo" He doesn't have a life plan...I mean i guess many young people don't. WHY AM I SO SMITTEN FOR HIM? 1.) He's sweet and understanding. 2.) He's cares. He notices small stuff about me... and men who I been with for years... never cared on the level he has. 3.) He just... sorta.. "completes" me. lol. You know that feeling you get when you can simply be yourself? I love being able to be me, and not have to WORRY! I feel maybe... if i can tell him or try to help him "improve" his life... then maybe we can have a chance? I know I will get a lot of harsh comments about this... but I AM HUMAN! I LOVE his personality... I only want to change his life style... make him less loserish for meh... </333
MalachiX Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 No it's not wrong to want to date a loser. It is wrong to call someone you claim is a friend "a loser." It would be even more wrong to date him when you think he's a loser. I had a friend who would date a girl a few times (mostly for sex) but sometimes call her a "loser" while they were going out. Struck me as really nasty. If you're quietly judging someone you're dating, you're basically using them and that's not fair.
MrCastle Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 He is not going to change his life for you. People don't change. Men get burned when they look at a woman, assume she's perfect, then find out she's not. Women get burned when they see a man's flaws, assume they'll be able to fix them, then find out they can't. View people as finished products and not as works in progress. Either you're accepting of who he is now, and let him mature at a natural progression (he is 19, after all) or find someone who is already the person you're looking for. 1
crederer Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Nothing you posted makes him sound like a "loser". I'm sure he wouldn't want to date you if you called him that. Leave him be, he deserves someone better. 3
Assasda Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Nothing you posted makes him sound like a "loser". I'm sure he wouldn't want to date you if you called him that. Leave him be, he deserves someone better. hahaha. I agree, that guy doesnt sound like a loser
Leigh 87 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Would you want to date a guy who thought you were a loser? But he was smitten with you, yet you were too much of a loser, that he had to go online to try to figure out if you were worth it? If he wrote the same thing about you.... I have a FWB with no job atm but he is awesome to hang with. He is not stupid. He has no car either. I don't think he's a loser just because of his status in life and what he is on paper. 2
todreaminblue Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 i dont know, i do believe people can change over time i was able to get a guy to read poetry who has never ever liked it...i believe people can change....my heart is telling me to shut up....i think if there is drugs or drinking or seedy sort of behavior i wouldnt even class that as loserish i class that as an unknown risk..but even then people give them up for the right person i feel, i mean drugs and that..but not having a car or no direction isnt being a loser its called being young and not ready to settle down and be responsible or date anyone.....doesnt make him a loser....deb
Author love1336x Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 He is not going to change his life for you. People don't change. Men get burned when they look at a woman, assume she's perfect, then find out she's not. Women get burned when they see a man's flaws, assume they'll be able to fix them, then find out they can't. View people as finished products and not as works in progress. Either you're accepting of who he is now, and let him mature at a natural progression (he is 19, after all) or find someone who is already the person you're looking for. Thank you... 1
Author love1336x Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 apparently using the word loser has made everyone panties twist in a bunch here. This is a good reason why I don't wear panties. ;D If i could edited my post I would use unmotivated. I don't see loser as such a bad word. It's a person who loses a lot? a person who accepts defeat with good or bad grace, as specified. a person or thing that is put at a disadvantage by a particular situation or course of action. a person who fails frequently or is generally unsuccessful in life. However, nobody will read this and only focus on the fact I called him a loser... @___@
Author love1336x Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 No it's not wrong to want to date a loser. It is wrong to call someone you claim is a friend "a loser." It would be even more wrong to date him when you think he's a loser. I had a friend who would date a girl a few times (mostly for sex) but sometimes call her a "loser" while they were going out. Struck me as really nasty. If you're quietly judging someone you're dating, you're basically using them and that's not fair. I just want better for him. that's all.. :/
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 In the case cited in the O.P., I think it is perfectly fine to be smitten by the guy. He is at a spot in life where even his peers are in their first or second year of college, and while perhaps they have declared a major by then, many will change, some will drop out, and most will evolve to be on a life path considerably unrelated to where they are now (in college). So there is 'safety' in being smitten by this sort of a person at this point, particularly as the economy isn't helping with regard to an abundance of people being at dead end jobs. And I think that a major ingredient in the O.P. being smitten today, is the very fact that the 19yo himself isn't really that far behind where his peers are expected to be today. The other part, the "loser" part, is more a projection of where this person will be when he's 30... and by then it could be a serious drawback in life. The O.P. is 'safe' in being smitten by the 19yo of today, so of course it is entertaining and okay. And as Tom Petty once said: "Even the losers get lucky sometimes". 1
MalachiX Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 apparently using the word loser has made everyone panties twist in a bunch here. This is a good reason why I don't wear panties. ;D If i could edited my post I would use unmotivated. I don't see loser as such a bad word. It's a person who loses a lot? a person who accepts defeat with good or bad grace, as specified. a person or thing that is put at a disadvantage by a particular situation or course of action. a person who fails frequently or is generally unsuccessful in life. However, nobody will read this and only focus on the fact I called him a loser... @___@ Back pedal all you want if it makes you feel better about yourself. You came off vaguely smug and superior in your post and people called you on it. We all know what loser means. Unless you come from some far away country where it means something else, I find your new set of definitions rather disingenious. I don't think you'd be happy if you heard one of your friends calling you a loser behind your back and I certainly don't think you'd be happy if someone you dated did. People jumped on this not just because it was rude but because it showed that this isn't going to be a good relationship for you. You feel superior to this guy and seem to be judging him which means that the relationship is probably going to suck for him. If you want to do what's right, don't try to go out with him and let him find someone who accepts him for who he is. 2
TheBladeRunner Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I just want better for him. that's all.. :/ I get it, but that is up to him. I had a similar problem and I am older; it wasn't her job or lack of motivation it was her inability to deal with what had been going on in her life. I want to have a relationship with a woman that has a solid emotional future and she just didn't want to do it. I don't hate her for it, nor would I call her any names, but I won't get involved with her for that reason. She, just like your friend, has to want those changes themselves. I can't fault the guy for being a kid, when I was his age.... a long time ago.....I felt the same way. Hated school, whatever happens, and all that. People rode me constantly to change but I didn't do it until I decided for myself. He sounds like a nice guy; you're young, you don't need to marry him. Heck, have fun and be a kid. 1
FitChick Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Have an affair. Don't get pregnant. Move on when you find someone better, which will be when this guy starts to bore and annoy you.
Author love1336x Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 I don't think you'd be happy if you heard one of your friends calling you a loser behind your back and I certainly don't think you'd be happy if someone you dated did. If my exes was calling me a loser. I would completely understand. There are older, some are about my age, and have WAY better job than me, and currently in successful relationships. A loser is in the eye of the beholder to be honest. But, do I THINK i am a LOSER? No. But, if my exes or "friends" did then let them. I can't change how a person thinks, and really dont give a crap. I'm not 5 years old. The only person i need to impress is God, and my mother. You feel superior to this guy and seem to be judging him which means that the relationship is probably going to suck for him. I do not feel superior to him. If I did I wouldn't be his friend. I wouldn't risk my HEART and MIND to want to be with him. It's good thing you have a crystal ball to read into the future.
Author love1336x Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Have an affair. Don't get pregnant. Move on when you find someone better, which will be when this guy starts to bore and annoy you. I been talking to him for six months now. He haven't bore or annoy me yet.
Author love1336x Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 I get it, but that is up to him. I had a similar problem and I am older; it wasn't her job or lack of motivation it was her inability to deal with what had been going on in her life. I want to have a relationship with a woman that has a solid emotional future and she just didn't want to do it. I don't hate her for it, nor would I call her any names, but I won't get involved with her for that reason. She, just like your friend, has to want those changes themselves. I can't fault the guy for being a kid, when I was his age.... a long time ago.....I felt the same way. Hated school, whatever happens, and all that. People rode me constantly to change but I didn't do it until I decided for myself. He sounds like a nice guy; you're young, you don't need to marry him. Heck, have fun and be a kid. I knowwww! It's just... people around me! There are my age and getting married, and finishing college! I truly hate dating... I want to find the "one"... and settle down already! But, I know I won't find the one if I don't shop around and see's what out there.
Author love1336x Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 Would you want to date a guy who thought you were a loser? But he was smitten with you, yet you were too much of a loser, that he had to go online to try to figure out if you were worth it? If he wrote the same thing about you.... I have a FWB with no job atm but he is awesome to hang with. He is not stupid. He has no car either. I don't think he's a loser just because of his status in life and what he is on paper. When I was in high school. This dude who was a foot ball player liked me a lot. However his friends thought I was weird, ugly, and a loser totally base on my looks and me being super quiet in the class room. So, when we did date he keep me on the down low. He wouldn't hold my hand in public, in school he ignored me. The point is I'm nothing like that. I like my friend. Im not ashamed of him and would never want to make anyone feel bad about being themselves. Yes, I called him a loser because he simply doesn't want to do anything with his life. If that makes me a bad person then oh well?
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