HighNotes Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I am 18 he is 17. We are both seniors in high school. We have been official for less than two weeks now. But the weird thing is he won't bring me back to his house. When he first asked me out i asked him if i could come over to his house after school so we could have some alone time. He said his mom was home so we should go to the park. He says that everytime i ask. But he doesn't have a car. And even when i pick him up for dates he meets me at a convenience store. And when i drop him off he always says to just leave him at the top of the hill because he wants to walk. The last straw was yesterday. We didn't have any school and me and him were on the phone. He told me he was home alone at the beginning of the convo. Then later on i asked if i could come over to his place. He told me his mom was home. Which was a lie obviously. I called him on it and he just said "i don't like people knowing where i live. Don't wanna argue about it" Idk i feel like thats weird? Like why is he so secretive about his house? And i know hes not poor. He doesn't have a car but he has money/clothes/expensive stuff. Should i just let it go or what? My cousin said he probably lives with another women. But hes only 17 so i dont see how thats possible.
MrCastle Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Meth lab in the basement. Book it. Sorry. Been watching a lot of Breaking Bad. 3
ScienceGal Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Is it possible he is embarrassed about something?
Titania22 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Isn't it usual for teenagers to be embarrassed about their parents? 2
KathyM Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I'm guessing he's embarrassed about his house. Maybe his parents are hoarders or something and the place is a mess. Maybe they have no furniture and live out of boxes. Maybe their house is gutted on the inside, who knows? Or as another poster mentioned, maybe there is something illegal or weird going on in their house that he doesn't want you to know about. Maybe they have an arsenal of weapons laid out and his parents are criminals. I'm guessing the place is a mess and he is embarrassed about it.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Yeah, I'm guessing his parents are hoarders, something like that. They probably have junk in the yard and he's embarrassed for anybody to see it. Don't give him a hard time about it and he might grow to trust you enough to open up about it eventually.
Lokie Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Maybe one of his parents or a sibling is an alcoholic or an addict and there is always drama and chaos in his home.
Author HighNotes Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 The meth lab/arsenal theories really scare me. I can't help but wonder if thats true? He does act all mysterious and quiet and he always pays for everything. How could i find out? I have tried asking him but he is really assertive and if i bring it up he will just change the conversation. Thinking maybe i should try to follow him home? And if he is a hoarder should i like break up with him? That sounds really gross honestly lol.
KatZee Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 There's no reason to speculate what the reasons are, the bottom line is, he's not comfortable inviting you to his house. My question for you is: Why do you keep asking him if you can go over? If he wants you there, HE will ask you. You've been dating for all of 5 seconds. I'm sure if you guys remain in a relationship he will eventually open up and you will learn these reasons. Point is: pressure doesn't work. Let HIM come to you.
93TheHitStick Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Lol hes a total drug dealer. I had this friend who never let anyone go to his house all throughout HS. Then junior year me and him went to a party and I missed my bus. He let me spend the night at his place because we had been teammates for like three years. His dad was a total weed grower. Whole house smelled like dank. And there was other drugs there too. And a huge Pitbull. Was so crazy. But yea your boyfriend is mos def dealing.
Titania22 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 People here have great imaginations. My daughter used to be embarrassed about letting friends come, because I am really lazy when it comes to housework. 2
Trimmer Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) People here have great imaginations. My daughter used to be embarrassed about letting friends come, because I am really lazy when it comes to housework. Yeah... Cripes, doesn't anybody remember what it was like to be a teenager? Who knows what he might be embarrassed about, but it doesn't have to be as huge as an abusive, alcoholic, weed-growing, meth-cooking, drug-dealing, gun-toting, drama-queen parent. He could just be embarrassed about where he lives, how his house looks, the fact that he has to share a room with his dorky brother, the fact that he even has a dorky brother - any host of innocuous things will embarrass a teen. And, if this is one of his first "relationships", it's also possible that his family would not be understanding - whether hostile, or possibly even worse: mocking. Or they may just be pretty much normal, but he is still embarrassed anyway, so he can't take any chance of letting them know what's going on. My son has always been comfortable with girls as friends, but he's just starting to "discover" them as an opposite sex. I have been NOTHING but understanding and open, not pressuring him one way or the other, and yet he is extremely closed off about it - I think partly from some embarrassment from who knows where. A few days ago, we even drove past the girl he's interested in at the moment, who was waiting at the bus stop, and he gave NO indication he even saw her (though I know he did.) I thought to ask later "was that so and so?" (I'm not technically supposed to even know he is interested in her in this way...) and he acknowledged that it was, but he's very guarded. Realize that for a young man, depending on his level of emotional development, he may simply be embarrassed by his own changing feelings. It can be a pretty odd time... So, as KatZee points out, pushing him will just drive a wedge between you, and create an obstacle. It is early. Slow down and get to know him before you need to drop a dime to ring up the local meth informant's hotline. If you get to know him, and let him know you, you will build trust, and eventually, if he trusts you, you will learn what you need to know about him. Edited October 16, 2013 by Trimmer
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Yeah at his age I don't know if he's married with kids just yet! Chances are he's embarrassed over his house, living situation (messy house, poor) maybe with the behavior of his parents or what not...something along those lines, I would just lay off of it and communicate and just see if he gets more comfortable with it..if you keep pressuring him he's going to get pissed and shutdown...so even if he was lying that's not the way you're going to get the truth anyway, you just need to be observant and ask the right questions. You've only been together two weeks, and you're just teenagers...I wouldn't necessarily be over-thinking anything right now, what's occurring is likely to be your own issues and insecurities at play unless you have something suspicious going on...just give it time, it's not that serious at your age.
MrCastle Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I was kidding about the meth lab. We've all had moments where we're not comfortable bringing people to our house just yet. For a variety of normal reasons. Privacy being one of them. For example, I got semi-stalked as a teen by my ex. It was not a good experience. Since then, I'm hesitant about who I give my address to. I mostly go to their house, or meet them somewhere. At least until I can trust them. Sometimes I don't have people over because the place is a mess and I'm embarrassed. It can be for completely normal reasons. Don't automatically assume the worst.
crederer Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Youve been dating for less than two weeks....nuff said.
emva07 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) I think he's embarrassed about something (family/mess/etc) and also it's too soon....in order to bring someone into the craziness that is your house/family, you need to have a mutual trust....you don't want someone saying "omg this guy is a freak", running off judgmentally, lol At 17 I would've not wanted to bring many people over (let alone a bf)....I have two sisters that would run around like maniacs, mom watching tv/on the phone in the living room, and she would NOT have let me have him in my room....so all around, no, I wouldn't have dealt with all that. Sometimes it's also the difference in the way people were raised, some families are ok with their children bringing people over all the time, but some families, it's not ok. It's always hard when you live under someone else's roof (my best friend rents a section of a house and even she is embarrassed to bring us over because of the owner of the house). Edited October 16, 2013 by emva07
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