kay77 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Hi everyone, First off I wanted to say that I am new to the forums. During my experience of going through my current heart break I read a lot of other threads that helped me and I thought I should finally sign up and report on my experience. The Background: My ex was one of my good guy friends all through high school, he always had a crush on me but I never really thought about dating him. A few years after high school, we started hanging out lots and somewhat seeing each other (no sexual contact, just flirty) and thats when I fell for him, and ASKED HIM OUT! Our relationship was good, specifically for the first year. I got along well with his friends and family, he was romantic, fun, caring, we shared a lot of the same interests and I thought at one point he was perfect for me. Throughout the course of our relationship I stared getting my life together: got a car, enrolled in university, got a good job etc. Meanwhile he continued to stick with the old, didn't really have any motivation to get himself a license/car, refused to go to school and take his required test to move onto the next year of being an electrician after failing once, and many other things. I always supported him, and loved him and tried to motivate him but I wasn't pushy either. The last few months before we broke up in september he started acting weird. He wasn't very talkative with me anymore, he just wanted to watch tv and cuddle rather then go on dates. He started neglecting to me, telling me he couldn't afford to take me on dates, meanwhile every weekend he wanted to go drinking to the bar. He would get pissed off if I didn't want to go to the bar (partly because I was broke with school), and then would offer to buy me a few drinks if I came. But yet, everytime I went with him he'd throw a fit and get mad that I wanted one. We started having small little fights, partly because he could never understand why I was upset and didn't really want to talk it out. He in general started getting more depressed and unmotivated, even outside of our relationship. He started drinking alone and going through internal problems in which he never told me about, by simply saying he didn't know why he was depressed. The other thing that was confusing for me, was he always told me he loved me even when he was going through his emotional problems. These problems still secretly ate away at me because I worried about his depression. The Break Up: First he wanted a break, and I agreed and didn't fight it, because I respected the idea that he needed time alone and get his head clear of whatever was bothering him. I went a whole 6 days without communicating with him of any sort. I finally texted him asking if he was ready to talk, and wanted to work it out. He then lashed out at me, was angry about how I was having some fun with my friends and basically was throwing a bunch of other random excuses why he didn't want to get back together. One of them being that he considered us 'officially over' when I asked to have my things back the day we decided to go on a break. It wasn't meant to look as bad as it probably did, but in my past experiences I've found that its easiest to get your stuff back sooner rather then later. I asked if he wanted to talk on the phone, or in person, he refused and suggested we go our separate ways. A few days later I deleted him from facebook, preventing myself from contacting him any way. It is now just three days short of being one full month of NO CONTACT, and let me tell you it is insanely hard. I love the guy with all my heart and some days I really want to just call him and see if we could maybe fix things. However, I've decided to hold strong and not make initial contact. He dumped me, I feel that if he wants me back he'd contact me first. If he doesn't contact me, then it works out that I get to move on faster rather then staying in touch during these times. The break up has been hard on me, especially the first two weeks I didn't want to do anything but stay in my bed and be depressed. But the last two weeks I've gotten myself out there with my friends and decided that its not my loss. At least, I don't think so. And even if I never knew what drew him to randomly start acting weird, or to dump me it shouldn't really matter because no matter what everyone going through this or worse, we will get through it. There are a few things that have been bothering me though, and that is does he miss me? does he even care? will he contact me? I know I should be trying to move on and what not, but its so difficult not knowing, or thinking that I might not even be a thought in his mind. It also has been tough because some of his friends have talked to me about the break up, and think that he's an idiot/will regret it and what not, but also think I deserve better. Although I can partially agree, its tough when you still have such strong love, and feelings for someone to try and think about being with someone else. If anyone has advice, or questions or anything else of relevance I would love to hear. I would also like to know how some of you have/are going through no contact right now.
Ireallydontknow Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 This guy sounds like a loser in the making. Did you want to support him the rest of your life? Did you want to walk on egg shells forever? Screw this guy, find you someone who knows what they want, has goals, and won't get pissy with you. This dude will probably become an alcoholic, but who cares that's old news. You'll get indifference in your life at one point. Just focus on all the awesome things you WERE doing. Does he miss you? Who cares? Did he ever love you? Probably, who cares? Start thinking like that. The more you dwell, the more you stay in hell. Stay strong. 1
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