zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 umm...ya...okay here goes nobody laugh.......... anyways im this guy thats a nice guy, not just saying that because it sucks quite a biy ya know....im no a**h*** to anyone...really i get walked over a lot i guess...sometimes i snap and bad things like assault charges happen...anyways this isnt about that...this is about you trying to help me...so please.... Anyways i live in Sault Ste Marie, Ontario...basically a isolated crappy town in northernish ont...maybe 60,000ppl live here...anyways i dont know if its me oor what, but this whole place seemes (excuse the language but...) FUC*ED! Its messed all the girls here think that they are this huge party animal ghetto dancer bull**** (thats the clubs here...) or they are a stuck up bitch who only goes for a**h*** guys with a car (more on that later) or some big excuse me fu*king DICK!...so im stuck living in crappy residence at college a good 11 hours away from the world i know (its not thaaat diff...but ya know..) and i cant stand this place...i gues im just out of high school and all of a sudded i need to make new friends and everythong, but i lived in a southern ontario farm town my whole life and ive known the same people since i was like 4!...now theres no one i knew as a kid or anything and everyone just seems different...especially the girls...im so unsure of what to do here with that that i cant even bring myself to match a girl's eyes if shes looking at me...like ill end up laughing or just looking at the ground....i guess thats probably why i have a million friends who are girls up here and still no girl friend...im just not all about this dancing ****, and my life is so damn boring right now living in res...i really have aabsolutely nothing to offer...what are we gonna do sit and watch stoner movies in res till 4 am like me and my friends here do? (they seem to be doin okay, but none are from a place like me...if that makes any sense...)...anyways i just dont know what to do...its not like i havent been out with girls since ive been here but it always seems to end up that we become friends...never more, and i just don't know what to do with that to bring it to where i want it to go...a relationship that means something and that actually has a plan for the future...mostly that likes me and can have fun with me...seems like all the girls that come on to me here are girls that i dont like ya know?...and that whole think is something i have never had...the whole relationship that means something thing....damn this sure isnt high school anymore....and maybe its cuz i took a year off going from job to job...or maybe im finally growing up and all of this is normal and everyone feels the same way...i sure hope so...i just want someone i can plan my future with...maybe i need to get direction in my life before i meet girls that will be interested in more than sex (yeah i said it...it happens and i always feel like a dink after, so shut up...)... So im becoming a mechanic..and thats something i have always loved since i was a little kid...so at least i have that one day ill be waking up and knowing that im going to be happy, because i just wanna build cars...race...have fun...try not to die....adrenaline junkie i guess...but as a mechanic where the hell am i going to meet girls? I know way too many single lonely mechanics and its starting to scare me...i want to live my life with someone and share everything with them...maybe going around living on my own for two years in random cities living on mr noodles and cloudy water made me grow up too fast...i mean im only 19 i just want to have fun like i did back in highschool when i knew everyone like a brother and we were just so tight...we could do anything and not care what the other guys though...i miss it...and the girl situation was worse then thoug...because i was an kid till i turned 18...i know this....im not stupid and i know what i look like...and i know im not a bad looking guy anymoe...but something that lasts 18 years is hard to shake...i just wanna mneet a girl now...have someone to share things with and just laugh and be happy with...none of the girls her look at that or want that...they just want to party and get wasted....which is getting old for me....i never drank a lot really... and thats another thing...in the last weeks i started smoking pot regularly again, something that i havent done for a long time regularly (never stopped, it was always too fun haha)...but i smoked from thursday last week straight till saturday night....so im thinking maybe thats a sign that its time to cut out the drugs and maybe the drinking too....bit that brings back memories of old friends and crazy times.... and maybe it because i miss my car..haha i dunno shes always been my baby ever since i got her when i was 17...i swear o god ive spent more time (and money by far) on that damn thing...all the time telling myself it was going to make me happy...and it sure as hell did, i was untouchable in that thing where i was from...and i didnt get fased by anything, not even when me and my biddy bill were doing 150mph side by side and he lost it and went into a guardrail right beside me...thank god no one got hurt but damn i was down at the strip the next day....man i love that thing...itll be back in march when the snows gone and i can afford it again haha...finally got a job at least....go college + 40h/week...sigh... help me out if ya can guys and gals...i really just needed to vent im sorry....... -zero
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 jesus sorry bout all the looong paragraphs... just bore cant sleep this it the one love in my life she will never leave me she will never get bored with me she will always be where i know she is safe some a**h*** guy wont take her from me she will always make me happy she will always be fun and new (as long as i keep spending money haha ) i love you baby
zara Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 You need to leave the town you'refrom. It's a big world out there and if the people around you don't appreciate that get on out there and discover more of it for yourself. I sympathise with your frustration, i know that i felt that way at your age - like there must be more to life than this. It makes one angry and frustrated with the people who surround you with what, to you at least, is mindless petty bull****. My advice to you is to take your baby and do what your baby does best: travel. take a road trip, get on a plane and see where you end up. See Europe, Asia, or make that your goal to work towards. I know it's a cliche but the world really is your oyster. Go out and take it.
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 i know i have to get outta this craphole town...but im stuck here for two years until i finish college...its only my first year so far..and yeah, im taking a road trip in march, as soon as my car is back on the road again...driving to florida and back...but i want to share it with someone...i have so many experiences in life and it sucks not being able to share them with a female...dammit ive never been good at this and im getting lonely as hell...i mean my buddy d is coing with me to florida, and i dont know but i wish it was some special girl instead...damn i must sound stupid... but im trapped...i wont even see my family at christmas this year because i need to spend the money on my car instead of $400 bus tickets to get there...i just feel trapped without it ya know?? jesus i just want to go for a drive....screw insurance ill just giv'er! thats the only thing that will clear my head, and the car is stuck back home, 11 long hours away... i miss her more than anyhting else right now. but having it back still wont fill the space in my life.
zara Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 Two years isn't long. Trust me, that time will fly by. And here comes another cliche but if you stop looking then the right girl will come along. Sometimes we can't see the wood for the trees. (heeelllp! i'm getting cornier by the second here!) I can't deny that it is nice to have someone special to share things with and i'd be lying if i said "I'm single and love it!" cuz when i climb into an empty bed if i'm honest then i don't love it. But i have faith that special someone will show up one day, and damnit, you got ten years on me, so your chances are looking good! Enjoy your road trip with your buddy becaue on 15, 20 years when you are married with kids you won't have the time/ money to do such a thing and you are going to look back on it and say "Damn, that was good!"
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 I hope so, i really do zara.... but i need someone its been too long. if i ever get married and do all that i want to be able to say "remember when we were only 20 and we did that?"...i dunno it would feel like something was missing if i couldnt say that
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 bythe way, im not "from" here, im just trapped here if i was from here i would have sold out by now, or killed myself and this place got me smoking again...and i cant quit as long as im here. and i know a lot of girls really dont like that...i wanna stop but with 20 hours a day of bs it keeps me goijng...
zara Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 I'm not going to nag you to quit the smokes, you know the score on it and i beleive that everyone who does quit has to do it for themselves But i have to tell you that these days it is the exception rather than the rule for people to meet the person they're going to spend the rest of their life with at such a young age.
EC Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 OMG I feel your pain man. You sound like my bf before I met him...lol Your in college and your worrying about your future. I mean you definitely headed in the right direction. You just homesick and lonely. But you have to remember your growing up now and those days are over and yeah they were fun but it's time to grow up now. (depressing huh) but soon your going to get closer with the people your meeting up there. And don't change for any girl either. You watch your stoner movies. lol Thats how my bf knew I was special, because I sat and watched stoner movies with him one weekend and smoked till I was retarted. lol But I agree when you stop looking for her she will come. You might not find her there, or you might. The thing about "some" girls in college is that they are finally free. They have been locked up under adult supervision for so long and now they think they are free to get loose and drink and party all night. They are not thinking of anything else. SOME girls. But I can bet there are some girls just like you wishing they could meet a guy that is not all about partying and with all that dancing sh*t. lol I'm 19 too when you driving to Florida? I live there I can introduce you to some nice girls!
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 its not even that though...i just want to experience a long term relationship for once....most of my friends here same age and yuounger have relationships a year long....ive NEVER had that, never been happy at all with anyone ive been together with...i need to be less shy and passive, but its not easy to change that.
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 were leaving feb 27...be there by the 1st....the details are still up.... thanks though its nice to know other people share the same problems and it turned out okay...you really have no idea thanks. but heres the thing with my college....its barely bigger than my high school was. 170 of us live in residence, 23 are girls. its a techy school.... and i have no interest or ever will in any girl here in res... i know that... i guess i feel trapped. bein grown up isnt half as fun as growing up, and im not done growing up yet...but it seems like i watching life pass me by right now...old friends move on, new friends move forward and you feel left behind,... damn i hope this turns out...
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 basically what im saying is that 95% of girls that go to my school still live at home with their parents.
EC Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 I know what you mean. It's already christmas!! Remember when you were little how long those two more before christmas were...!! lol And now everyone I used to know is so far away or into their own life. Life is flying before my eyes and its scary. I know you want to have someone that knows you so well, and someone to share your life with. And you think you need to find them now so you know you wont be alone. I mean I know your lonely and life is smacking you in the face but it will work out eventually. I mean I'm praying it works out for me too lol !
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 christmas is making it worse too....i kinda want to see my mom....**** my dad but it wont be the same all alone
zara Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 truly -these are the best days of our lives the only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right
EC Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 Just have fun and soon it will be all over and worth it! I know plenty of happily married mechanics. OK not plenty lol but a couple. I think you'll be fine. Your still young. Your just homesick. Your family lives in Florida? I think once you see them again and stuff you will be ok. I know the Holidays are the worst by yourself. For some reason everytime I had a bf we would break up either right before the holidays or right before Valentines Day and so I was always alone and depressed about the break up. I FINALLY have someone now and It feels great. But I was where you are now. Questioning everything, picturing myself in the future alone with cats as friends. BUt trust me things get better.
NiCoLe20 Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 lol my dads a mechanic and has been married 20+ yrs... so cant b that bad right?!! lol but u look cute as hell how can u have a problem finding a girl bro? lol... ur looking too hard...and when u stop thats when u find someone... i feel you tho...all my relationships only lasted like 3 or 4 months or i just had hookups .. im 20 yrs old now and kind of in a good relationship but who knows if it will last long b/c i want it too i think ur stuck in a hole b/c of where you live...which is canada right?? well after ur done with school you can transfer and work anywhere in the states...come to nj!!! haha j/k .. but thats whats good about ur career u can switch to different shops till u like where ur living at... u jsut need a change i think thats the base of the problem n stuff. if u dotn want to go to school there anymore..maybe u can transfer all ur credits to another school...and meet other people u know.. and as far as xmas... ur parents wont pay half of ur ticket or even the whole ticket? that sucks...aww see if u can work out something w/ them and let them know u dont wanna be alone!!! but anyways one day ull find the girl u want so for now just have fun wit ur boys and do ur school thing and one day b4 u know it u might bump into that girl...if u see some1 u like ... kick it to her lol!! ask her for her # and if she would wanna chill one time...u need to kick ur game up a notch lol j/k i dunno ... u gotta go after what u want nowadays u know. but i hope everything works out. oh and by the way smokin some l's isnt that baddd!! lol
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 here in this diary, i write you visions of my summer it was the bet i ever had.... good song hgaha and last summer WAS the best i ever had and probably will ever have... well i gotta go hit work up for 9 straight hours damnb this sucks....i need some thinking time...
Author zero_pistons Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 im not from florida...i live in another town in ontario thats 11 hors away from sault ste marie...florida is 30 hours each way, but im driving it maybe i'll come across something worthwhile
Author zero_pistons Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 so you guys think im stuck i a hole and moving would help?? i might apply for a transfer next year, depending if i can find a job...i have a good one right now. and i went 09:30:40 without a smoke so far up till now.....and im noyt having one.
zara Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 There's no harm in getting a transfer - i did after my first year at University and i was sooo much happier. It was a good move for me. sometimes you gotta stop and remember that your not gonna live forever. be young, think smart, stay true and just follow your heart.
Author zero_pistons Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 well then thats definitely something to look into.... and im up to 24 hours without a smoke...yay.
Author zero_pistons Posted December 9, 2004 Author Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by alicia24 Nice Car I am a huge car enthusiast thanks alicia...unfortunately its in a rebuilding stage right now, but it will be all back together and better than ever by january 15th. http://www.teamfc3s.org/forum/showthread.php?threadid=37384
zara Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 How's the no smokes going? - i just checked out your car - now i don't know much about these things but damn! that sure was some rust you got there! But heck, i can see the beauty though!
Recommended Posts