Bootsky Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Backstory I've posted in the transitioning section on this forum...but for a quick back story. I started talking to this girl a little over a year ago. I spent the night at her apt within the first two months of knowing her. After that we went no contact as she lived about an hour away...it was completely casual. I started talking to her again about 4 months after spending the night with her, and instantly we were hanging out again, we went out with friends and I went to her place a few times, nothing serious and no sex...however every time I was with her we at least kissed and sometimes went a little further than that. This all happened between July and Sept....so about three weeks ago I took her out for an official date, I ended up staying the whole weekend with her and things went well. And since then we both started realizing that we were both starting to fall for each other...another date, including us getting more intimate, has led me here. Current situation The night after our most recent date, she told me she is starting to like me quite a lot, I then told her that after the past few months I really can't see myself being with anyone else, and that I like where we are going....she replied by saying " it's a lot to take in, and I am thrilled that's how you feel. I want to be with you however I have to warn you, I am scared of commitment, once things become real I tend to get scared." My response, "I understand that it's a lot to take in, I'm sorry for dropping all of this on you at once...how about we just take it slow and see where it goes, with no labels or commitments just yet...I know I'm not going anywhere." She then said she couldn't be more happy, and she's glad we are on the same page. Did I handle this in the right way? Im afraid of any awkwardness that might pursue this conversation...any thoughts?
deathandtaxes Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Looks like you received an honest answer from her - that she wants to be with you but is a commitment phobe. Take her on her word. And go out and have fun with her.
Copelandsanity Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 As a general rule, I never bring up even the remote hint of commitment or exclusivity. I focus on my job of being so irresistible that they can't help but want it I'm also focused on figuring out if she has the right makeup for a committed relationship. But I always let the girl hint at it or bring it up, and deal with it from there.
Phantom888 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I don't multi-date, so I have to be exclusive before I have sex with a woman. It's my own personal rule, and so far there has been no resistance. Just because you don't put a label doesn't mean you are not her boyfriend. If you act a like a boyfriend, then you are one. The only way you can show her you are not committed is if you both date other people. Otherwise you are exclusive. Action speaks louder than words. Why would you want to be with a person who is afraid of commitment anyway? Do you enjoy sharing your woman with other men?
crederer Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 There's really no right or wrong way to handle that. I had a girl that said she wanted to take things slow (and I wanted to dive in). I told her I respect that. Well, she constantly texted me and constantly wanted to see me, all initiated by her (because I was trying to give her the space that she told me she needed early on). So at the end of the day, you seemed to have handled it fine from my perspectibve but it's her perspective that counts.
Assasda Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 You completely handled it the right way. Even though if I were you, I just wouldnt verbalize those feelings to her. Its much better to have a nice relationship without the pressure of a REAL relationship looming in the background, if that makes any sense. Just have fun with her, mention nothing of relationships, or commitment, LET IT BE ON HER TERMS, and you'll be just fine
Author Bootsky Posted October 17, 2013 Author Posted October 17, 2013 I agree with not mentioning commitment unless it's on her terms....mostly for the sake of preserving the mystery/excitement of the relationship, and avoiding being the one who is "chasing" the girl like a love sick puppy....however for some reason I mentioned it...just the fact that it was mentioned, I sense, has put a huge target on a "real relationship looming in the background". I'm sure over time I will know, but as of right now I can sense a lack of excitement/enthusiasm when I talk to her (twice since "the convo"). Time will tell.
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