Guys Night vs. Girls Night

[chucksagent]

I just don't see the point in bars or clubs anymore. Expensive, smoke filled, drunk idiots, loud, etc. I can sit in my living room, cheap drinks, no smoke, not loud, and watch the game on my 73 inch TV.

 

That being said, I love going out for like a wing night or occasionally to a bar. A lot of my male friends who are single STILL like the bar scene. But most of the married/committed guys I know would rather do about 100 other things before "going drinking" comes up.

 

Whereas females my age seem to ALWAYS have to include drinking in their plans. Even if it's to watch a movie, it's "with a bottle of wine."

 

My wife's friends do the wine fests, wine tours, happy hour, NEVER the club though and rightfully so, but I don't mind that she goes at all. This isn't KNOCKING the fact they do this, where did I knock it?

 

It's funny how people are. Lol. I never knocked it ONCE on here but everyone is defensive. HAHAH. Maybe the way it sounds speaks for itself I guess? Lol. I don't understand. If it's not big deal to go out and drink, who cares? Why act like you're doing something wrong?

 

I simply asked, what changed, what's different these days? That men seem more ok with non alcohol related activities and women seem to ALWAYS involve it.

[chucksagent]

nescafe1982 - EPIC post! I think you nailed everything on the head. Except for the snotty little "OP forgetting" part which I SPECIFICALLY asked you people not to do. LOL. I would love to post ONE THING on this forum and not have one bitter person make a snide remark. I even said "this doesn't apply to everyone" but people are so darn sensitive. Lol. I agree there are other activities ladies do, but I asked why MOST or MOST FREQUENT (in my experience ONLY - not saying EVERYWHERE ALWAYS) are drinking and going to places with men looking to meet women.

 

MissBee - You answered your own question/criticism in your very own post. Lol. "I'm not going to sequester myself to only with females drinking virgin drinks." And "Wine tours have alcohol and is not a pick up place."

 

This is the childish mindset that annoys the heck out of me.

 

In the VERY same post you say "I won't be held back from mingling with men!" So be it. Absolutely agree. It's insane to try and keep you to only hang out with women.

 

But, you then go on to point out how wine tours are harmless....hmmmmm...let's think here. I would agree, totally harmless. Because wine tours have no stigma and aren't thought of as a pick up joint.

 

SINGLES CLUBS on the other hand HAVE THAT STIGMA in the darn name!!! Lol. So come on, I don' t want to read nonsense about "heaven forbin this horrid man keep me from mingling with the opposite sex." Nobody is saying that, again you are putting words in my mouth. I simply asked a question. Guys ACTUALLY when happy in a relationship don't even want to BE AROUND women on a "guys night." It's like their escape to just be with the boys. Yet women don't seem to appear to desire that escape always. They claim it's annoying getting hit on by dudes when they are trying to talk, well then why go somewhere that encourages that behavior?

 

MissBee I DO, however, think you're point about men activities vs. women gossip is VERY accurate. I think that may be a LARGE cog to solving this mystery. Men are sharing an experience/activity like golf, games, sports, etc. women wanna talk.

[serial muse]

I simply asked, what changed, what's different these days? That men seem more ok with non alcohol related activities and women seem to ALWAYS involve it.

 

I guess the issue that I have with this is that the premise doesn't fit my observations. I suspect that you and I are of a similar age, chucksagent. So it's not a generational thing. But I observe many married/taken men hanging out at bars with their buddies and whatnot, just shooting the shxt. My husband included. I don't have a problem with it. And I have plenty of female friends who get together for non-alcoholic activities, just for fun.

 

The whole premise of the thread doesn't seem realistic to me; plenty of men (most, even?) DO like to get together and drink, first of all, and plenty of women don't. There are several teetotalers in my own personal circle of female friends, and there are plenty of fun things we all do together.

 

Again, I think you're projecting the viewpoints of your particular social circle - one which I have before commented seems fairly narrow to me, in which women and men have very strongly delineated differences in interests and activities - onto the rest of the world. I would, again, suggest that you rethink this. Truly, a LOT of people don't follow those prescribed roles. I'm a little surprised that after multiple threads where people have tried to point this out to you, you're still persisting in thinking that what goes on in your circle is just the way things are for everybody. It's not. It's just not.

[man_in_the_box]

If I had a nickel for everytime someone claims something about men/women in general based on their "observations"... It's completely irrelevant what you've "observed" as someone else is going to come in and claim the opposite.

[chucksagent]

I guess the issue that I have with this is that the premise doesn't fit my observations. I suspect that you and I are of a similar age, chucksagent. So it's not a generational thing. But I observe many married/taken men hanging out at bars with their buddies and whatnot, just shooting the shxt. My husband included. I don't have a problem with it. And I have plenty of female friends who get together for non-alcoholic activities, just for fun.

 

The whole premise of the thread doesn't seem realistic to me; plenty of men (most, even?) DO like to get together and drink, first of all, and plenty of women don't. There are several teetotalers in my own personal circle of female friends, and there are plenty of fun things we all do together.

 

Again, I think you're projecting the viewpoints of your particular social circle - one which I have before commented seems fairly narrow to me, in which women and men have very strongly delineated differences in interests and activities - onto the rest of the world. I would, again, suggest that you rethink this. Truly, a LOT of people don't follow those prescribed roles. I'm a little surprised that after multiple threads where people have tried to point this out to you, you're still persisting in thinking that what goes on in your circle is just the way things are for everybody. It's not. It's just not.

 

Well Serial Muse...While I appreciate your (unfounded) viewpoint on me as "projecting" again. However, since I enjoy backing up my opinions with FACTS not cute sentiments like you....I shall do so:

 

Bad Influence? Marriage Decreases Drinking In Men — And Increases Alcohol Consumption In Women

 

Read more: Married Men Drink Less, While Women Consume More Alcohol

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/drinking-diaries/201301/marriage-leads-women-drinking-more-and-men-drinking-less

 

Married women drink more, married men drink less: study - NY Daily News

 

Marriage Means More Drinking for Women, Less for Men - ABC News

 

Married Men Drink Less, Women More

 

Yeah Serial Muse, I am a crazy projector, thanks for the educated input. Lol.

[chucksagent]

LOL I love being sooooooooooooooo brilliant that I notice societal norms before other people...and then PSYCHOLOGISTS and SCIENTISTS prove me right!!!! hahaha Epic.

 

"A study presented at the Annual Meeting of the American Sociological Association on Saturday found that married women drink more than previously married women, but married men drink less than previously married men."

 

“Long-term married women today may have some additional stressors that [previously married years ago] women did not and apparently derive less stress relief from their marital relationships than do men.”

Edited October 16, 2013 by chucksagent

[Got it]

It was under the topic about should women/men in relationships go "clubbing."

 

And many of the females defense for it was that there is NOTHING else fun for women to do.

 

Actually no, that was never stated. That is just what you put together.

[Got it]

When I go out it is normally for dinner and yes a glass of wine may be ordered. I am heavily into horses and so I will get together with other ladies to go to competitions to either watch or participate.

[chucksagent]

Actually no, that was never stated. That is just what you put together.

 

No, one person did say it. I didn't say EVERYONE felt that way, but the one poster was like "What are women supposed to do if their men don't want them going to the club?" As if there is NOTHING else on earth to do.

[nescafe1982]

nescafe1982 - EPIC post! I think you nailed everything on the head. Except for the snotty little "OP forgetting" part which I SPECIFICALLY asked you people not to do. LOL. I would love to post ONE THING on this forum and not have one bitter person make a snide remark.

 

To be fair, I didn't read the ENTIRE thread. But I'm pretty sure that if you call other posters "snotty" or "bitter," you don't get to get upset at people's "sensitivities" when they disagree with you. That is childish.

 

Your original list was simplistic. Sorry, just how I see it. Glad you have also decided that it was simplistic, too, in the end.

 

One thing that is interesting is that I've always thought of "boys' nights out" as being more about skirt-chasing, rather than the other way around. A stereotype, for sure. But what struck me about your OP is that it placed a mirror-image of my own stereotype up for discussion.

[chucksagent]

To be fair, I didn't read the ENTIRE thread. But I'm pretty sure that if you call other posters "snotty" or "bitter," you don't get to get upset at people's "sensitivities" when they disagree with you. That is childish.

 

Your original list was simplistic. Sorry, just how I see it. Glad you have also decided that it was simplistic, too, in the end.

 

One thing that is interesting is that I've always thought of "boys' nights out" as being more about skirt-chasing, rather than the other way around. A stereotype, for sure. But what struck me about your OP is that it placed a mirror-image of my own stereotype up for discussion.

 

Nescafe1982 - That is very fair. And it is reasonable. I didn't mean it in my first post to sound whiny (asking people not to spaz) but I've noticed (and you will probably agree with me) that often times on here, the first 3 or 4 pages of a thread are dedicated to getting everyone on the same page and realize nobody is attacking anybody here. Lol.

 

In spite of my BEST efforts, it happened AGAIN nonetheless haha because here we are on the 3rd page and we've all (hopefully) put away our swords finally and can get down to brass tacks.

 

You said about "boys night out" is skirt chasing - and it 100% IS....when single...my entire point is how it goes away when in a committed relationship (and the man in genuinely committed) because now the skirt chasing is pointless.

 

And your finale point, Nescafe1982 is a good one...turning the mirror around and looking at it from the opposite point of view can make for an interesting "discussion." I'm not sentencing anyone to death here or saying ALL women are like that. But we all need to be honest with ourselves, there has been SOMEWHAT of a shift, and even some of the scientists/therapists didn't all agree on the conclusion as to WHY the shift...so I think it is still open for us to discuss...Why? Why the shift?

[nescafe1982]

 

And your finale point, Nescafe1982 is a good one...turning the mirror around and looking at it from the opposite point of view can make for an interesting "discussion." I'm not sentencing anyone to death here or saying ALL women are like that. But we all need to be honest with ourselves, there has been SOMEWHAT of a shift, and even some of the scientists/therapists didn't all agree on the conclusion as to WHY the shift...so I think it is still open for us to discuss...Why? Why the shift?

 

Well, I'm not sure there has been a shift. IME "Ladies Night" is about a group of gals hanging out, gossiping, and carrying on together. Whether it's in a bar or at someone's house, it's really all about girls hanging out.

 

I think the idea that taken ladies are going out "with the girls" to get male attention is fallacious, in other words. It's a stereotype, to be sure. But it's an incorrect one.

 

Maybe the stereotype comes from the fact that (at least with my group of gals) when we go out to a bar together we dress to the nines. But again, dressing up, putting on makeup, and being chic is not about garnering male attention... it's because dressing up is fun! And for some of us gals, the "Girls Night" is the chance to do that (e.g. a lot of my gal pals complaint their BFs don't like to dress up and go dancing. So we do it together.)

[chucksagent]

Maybe the stereotype comes from the fact that (at least with my group of gals) when we go out to a bar together we dress to the nines. But again, dressing up, putting on makeup, and being chic is not about garnering male attention... it's because dressing up is fun! And for some of us gals, the "Girls Night" is the chance to do that (e.g. a lot of my gal pals complaint their BFs don't like to dress up and go dancing. So we do it together.)

 

It's funny you say that about dressing to the 9's with the girls. I have a married friend and buddy who lives with his girlfriend for 2 years now and BOTH of them have had the same fight. "We dress the same whether its around the house or going out with our buddies or on a date with you. But you dress the NICEST when going out with your girls as opposed to around the house or to dinner/movies with me."

 

The guys look at it like either dress consistently or IF ANYTHING you should wanna look your best when out with me. But they have told them that girls dress for girls, nobody else. I think they took that as insulting since (besides the obvious reasons) PRIOR to getting married/moving in together, their girls would dress to the 9's when going on dates with them...now, it only happens when going out with the girls OR the occasional fancy date.

[chucksagent]

You said the following....."IME "Ladies Night" is about a group of gals hanging out, gossiping, and carrying on together."

 

I think MOST women would agree with you.

 

If that's the case, why, so often, does it have to be at a bar getting drunk? You don't need alcohol to hang out, gossip and laugh. You can do that practically anywhere. And you also don't have to be wearing revealing clothing when laughing and chatting with friends.

[chucksagent]

Anybody else ever find it fishy how some (yes SOME not all NOT EVEN MOST) women claim

 

"Sweety, I only get all dolled up FOR MY GIRLS and ME when I go out without you."

 

"Sweety, I only wear this revealing outfit so I can feel confident. It isn't to attract negative attention."

 

"Sweety, we HATE guys who dance up on us at the club and hit on us at the bar, it's the worst, it's absolutely terrible - it interferes with "girl time"...but we're going to go there anyway."

 

Pretend this isn't a girl/guy issues. Pretend you are just a logical/sentient human life-form...read that...doesn't it not make ANY sense to you???

 

I truly think the girls (few of them that there are, most of you are awesome) who say that stuff are either:

 

1) Confused

 

2) Lying

 

3) Deep down they think men are the BIGGEST MORONS EVER who will just listen to such illogical statements and say "ok hunny, have fun."

 

4) They are in denial that they in fact like attention.

[Shaun-Dro]

Now this is NOT to attack any one person specifically. Things MAY be different where I live and the people I hang out with. So nobody JUMP down my throat; just answer the question based on your experiences, save the sassy sarcasm for some other post.

 

Why does it seem like guys night includes, the boys together playing video games, the boys going to the movies, the boys going to a sporting event, the boys just hanging and bullcrapping, the boys going to wing night, the boys gathering for the big football game, the boys playing football/softball, the boys renting a movie, the boys playing poker, the boys going to the casino, etc.

 

But girls night seems to ALWAYS be "happy hour," or "Da Club," or "Martini Night" or "wine tour's, or "wine festivals" or "going to the bar."

 

Now don't get me wrong, SINGLE guys love the club and happy hour and going to the bar...but most married men (good men) I know drop the club and the bar when they find their partner. It becomes like a waste of time to sit next to a good friend you only see every so often and YELL since it's loud at clubs and bars.

 

What is the difference between men and women? Seems like "girls night" always needs to have alcohol, men, or a combination of the two; whereas guys night, RARELY IF EVER has females and occasionally alcohol.

 

I'm going to chalk this up to the lack of imagination on women's part.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I LOVE girls night, but I also like 'friends' nights where partners and friends of friends are invited too. It shows a little immaturity imo when all someone wants to do is go party while excluding their partners or friends of the opposite gender. I have fun dressing up with my girls and hitting the clubs (maybe once every three months or so, if that) but I also have fun when I take my boyfriend along, and he gets to know my friends while I get to know my friends' partners.

 

When I hang with my women it only sometimes involves alcohol, 90% of the time it means going for coffee and talking, or going for lunch, or watching TV together (in the case of my house mate). Admittedly we don't seem to 'do' many actual activities together, but that's because we see each other so infrequently (ranging from every two or three weeks for some of them to months for others) due to busy lives, we're too busy in in-depth conversation from the start to really need to do anything together other than focus on each other and sharing/learning about each other's lives since we last hung out

 

We do tend to go away for the weekend every few months for one of our birthday's, usually down to the capital city to hang for a few days without the pressures of work. We'll often dress up and go out on one night, and stay in and cook for each other on the other. Honestly we have so much fun together and end up in hysterics so much that it doesn't matter at all what we do.

[kendallk]

Ehhh it is your social circle. Mine its the men who don't understand what being an attention whore is or what boundaries are.

 

I know far more men that feel entitled to their alcoholic and hot-ladies-infused nights to themselves than the reverse for women.

 

I kind of have to laugh to the male posters saying a woman who goes to a club isn't relationship material. I feel the same about men, but THEY seem to think if I say it about THEM theyre the exception...bottom line is in my social circle the men are far more selfish, shallow and entitled. They care far less about their partners feelings than the females I know. Research studies have shown for decades women are the more empathetic gender anyway. That's why they try to get all women on jury duty...more likely to be understanding of the person being prosecuted...Yes, this is a fact I studied law.

[Pompeii]

Women need some degree of male attention or else they wither up like a flower. When you've been getting dotted on and hit on since you were god knows how young and that attention starts to dry up, it's hard to take.

[kendallk]

Women need some degree of male attention or else they wither up like a flower. When you've been getting dotted on and hit on since you were god knows how young and that attention starts to dry up, it's hard to take.

 

 

Haha I could say that about men. I find them to be much more obsessed with their egos while women tend to be more accommodating and think of their partners feelings. I don't know any male who is capable of not having sex every few months, not dating or having a girl to chase after for a long period of time, quite annoying actually...

[Pompeii]

Haha I could say that about men. I find them to be much more obsessed with their egos while women tend to be more accommodating and think of their partners feelings. I don't know any male who is capable of not having sex every few months, not dating or having a girl to chase after for a long period of time, quite annoying actually...

 

Most men will never get the type of attention from the opposite sex like the average women does, so your point is invalid.

[MrCastle]

Both sides have their bad apples. There are absolutely a great many women that think it's acceptable to go to a club, get hit on by guys, give out their number, and then tell the guy the next day they have a boyfriend but it was nice meeting them.

 

There are also men who are in relationships that go to strip clubs with their single friends and get lap dances.

 

You as an individual in a relationship need to be able to communicate with your SO beforehand as to what you find acceptable/unacceptable. If they are the party type and you are not, maybe you're not for them. If your opinions differ on what should be considered cheating, maybe you're not for them.

 

Sign me up to the "my girlfriend can't go to clubs with her single girlfriends" list.

 

I know that is something I can't handle and I admit it. I have to find a woman who feels the same way, and who would object to me going to bars with a group of single guy friends.

[kendallk]

Most men will never get the type of attention from the opposite sex like the average women does, so your point is invalid.

 

If they try and put themselves out there yes...

 

Plus I don't think a guy simply viewing me as a sex object is "good attention" so I think your point is invalid.

Edited October 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[man_in_the_box]

Okay, “brilliant” research you have there. Let’s break it down:

 

 

Bad Influence? Marriage Decreases Drinking In Men — And Increases Alcohol Consumption In Women

 

Read more: Married Men Drink Less, While Women Consume More Alcohol

 

 

This one was based on an investigation from sociologists from the University of Cincinnati, Pennsylvania State University, Rutgers University and Austin University of Texas. It was based on longitudinal data from 5305 men and women between 1993 and again in 2004. It was subsequently compared with 120 in-depth interviews of never married, married, divorced and widowed men and women. There was no reference cited whatsoever but upon checking the comments I could retrieve a Livescience article (Marriage Drives Women to Drink, Study Suggests | LiveScience) that pointed out what survey they based it on.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/drinking-diaries/201301/marriage-leads-women-drinking-more-and-men-drinking-less

 

 

Thank goodness, this was one has a reference to the article. It leads to the University of Cincinnati webpage and described the survey:

 

 

 

“About the Wisconsin Longitudinal Study (WLS)

The WLS is a long-term survey of 10,317 men and women who graduated high school in 1957. Respondents were interviewed their senior year in high school, as well as at age 35-36 (in 1975), 53-54 (in 1993) and 64-65 (2004). The UC study was based on the analysis of 5,305 respondents, including 2,439 men and 2,866 women – participants in a random sample of the WLS that received questions about alcohol use. The respondents were primarily white.”

 

 

Those years and numbers look familiar? 2439 + 2866 = 5305. It is just using the same article as the first one.

 

 

Additional info found here: the 120 interviews are based on 2 separate studies each consisting of 60 people. The studies are called “The Marital Quality Over the Life Course Project” and “The relationship and health habits over the life course project”.

 

Married women drink more, married men drink less: study - NY Daily News

 

 

Quote from the link: “For their research, they studied data from three separate surveys, including one long-term survey that provided information on more than 5,000 Wisconsin residents' alcohol habits, gathered four times during a 47-year period.”

 

 

More than 5000 residents from Wisconsin – coincidence? But the notion that it was checked four times (Respondents were interviewed their senior year in high school, as well as at age 35-36 (in 1975), 53-54 (in 1993) and 64-65 (2004)) AND during a 47 year period (1957 – 2004 = 47 years) makes it most certainly that this is AGAIN the same article they are referring to.

 

Marriage Means More Drinking for Women, Less for Men - ABC News

 

 

“Lead researcher Corinne Reczek, assistant professor in sociology at the University of Cincinnati, and her team looked at data collected from surveys of a random sample of 5,000 Wisconsin high school graduates of the class of 1957. Researchers conducting the study contacted each of the subjects four times over a 47-year period. Reczek and her team examined survey responses from this group, after which they conducted in-depth interviews with 120 of the to determine why their drinking habits changed.”

 

Not even going to comment here – same article.

 

Married Men Drink Less, Women More

 

 

“The Wisconsin Longitudinal Study survey provided long-term data on 10,317 men and women who graduated high school in 1957. The Marital Quality Over the Life Course Project provided 60 in-depth interviews with 30 heterosexual couples conducted between 2003 and 2006, and another 60 in-depth interviews conducted between 2007 and 2010 with married and divorced men and women came from the Relationships and Health Habits Over the Life Course Study”.

 

 

And again it is the same article. So let’s get this clear – you provided one source so far. Your research probably consisted of submitting “marriage women men alcohol” into Google and copy/paste the first 5 popular website links in your post. Absolutely fantastic job!

 

 

Let’s take a closer look at what the conclusions of this source, based on 1 longitudinal study and 2 interview studies, are:

 

 

“New research examining relationships and the use of alcohol finds that while a long-term marriage appears to curb men’s drinking, it’s associated with a slightly higher level of alcohol use among women.”

 

 

That already sounds WAY less dramatic then they way your initial articles presented it. It does not even come closely to support in anyway your ideas about “girls night out”. This little snippet that was apparently great out-of-context material for bogus websites you used as source material was based on long-term marriages in which the women’s drinking was slightly higher than that of their husbands.

 

 

However, based on the interview studies (and then combined with the longitudinal study):

 

 

“ -"In each marital status category, men consumed a greater average number of drinks than women "

 

- Across every marital status category, a higher proportion of men also reported having at least one drinking-related problem.

- Women who were divorced or widowed consumed significantly fewer drinks, on average, than married women.

- Recently divorced men reported consuming a significantly greater average number of drinks than men in long-term marriages.

- Reporting at least one drinking-related problem was significantly higher among long-term divorced and recently divorced women than long-term married women.”

 

 

Which contradicts their earlier finding that women drink more than men. All I have gathered from this data that women in marriages apparently men drink MORE before marriage, during marriage women climb or slightly exceed to the level of their husbands and after marriage women’s drinking declines again. The authors make no further comments on why they are doing this – they suggest that it might be because of the lifestyle of the husband. But in no way is it deduced that married women pick up a party lifestyle – that’s just your imagination pal.

 

 

LOL I love being sooooooooooooooo brilliant that I notice societal norms before other people...and then PSYCHOLOGISTS and SCIENTISTS prove me right!!!! hahaha Epic.

 

 

Yeah Einstein, your findings were absolutely genius. How you found a couple of popular webpages that all referred to the same study that did not even come to the conclusion you and these webpages are deriving from it and then making this leap of faith that its because of women’s party lifestyle. GREAT research for sure.

Edited October 17, 2013 by man_in_the_box

[Pompeii]

If they try and put themselves out there yes...

 

Plus I don't think a guy simply viewing me as a sex object is "good attention" so I think your point is invalid.

 

I'm not talking about purely sexual terms. I also doubt most men will "screw bench holes". If you truly think so, your awareness of the male gender is lacking.

 

And no, most men will be overlooked by average women for most of their life.