Of course he/she thinks about you!

[AutumnMoon]

OW and OM's... Your AP is thinking of you whether they ended the affair or whether you did. Whether there was a Dday it not.. Yes, unless it was a one night stand (and even if it was I'm sure he or she still thinks of you.) .. They are thinking of you ... Be it positive or negative, I don't know anyone that just forgets about someone they have been involved with on any kind of emotional or sexual level....

 

There are a lot of people here who have been hurt by their spouses cheating and I'm sure they would like us to think their husbands or wives just used you and forgot you.. But they have not.

[SunshineToday]

There are a lot of people here who have been hurt by their spouses cheating and I'm sure they would like us to think their husbands or wives just used you and forgot you.. But they have not.

 

Simply not true. Remembering someone fondly is one thing. Remembering someone with disgust is another.

 

Most people in affairs are 100% being used, just read this board!

[AutumnMoon]

Simply not true. Remembering someone fondly is one thing. Remembering someone with disgust is another.

 

Most people in affairs are 100% being used, just read this board!

 

I didn't say they would only be thinking positive things.. And yes there is a big difference between positive or negative thoughts but that's not the point... BS may want to believe a cheating spouse just lets go and forgets...

 

I still think of people I haven't seen in ten years! I'm saying ... Don't stress whether he or she is thinking of you.. If you know you had a bond.. Or a relationship, whether just sexual or emotional you are still on the persons mind..

 

Many people are definitely 'used' in an affair and I'm not saying every AP is madly in love.. I'm saying if you were a part of their life and if they are human.. They can't just erase those thoughts.. They are there somewhere.

[anne1707]

OW and OM's... Your AP is thinking of you whether they ended the affair or whether you did. Whether there was a Dday it not.. Yes, unless it was a one night stand (and even if it was I'm sure he or she still thinks of you.) .. They are thinking of you ... Be it positive or negative, I don't know anyone that just forgets about someone they have been involved with on any kind of emotional or sexual level....

 

There are a lot of people here who have been hurt by their spouses cheating and I'm sure they would like us to think their husbands or wives just used you and forgot you.. But they have not.

 

 

Not true. To make such a blanket statement is wrong and over-romanticising. I hate to disappoint you OP but WS can and do move on and forget the AP.

[AutumnMoon]

Not true. To make such a blanket statement is wrong and over-romanticising. I hate to disappoint you OP but WS can and do move on and forget the AP.

 

Moving on is one thing.. Forgetting? Really? I don't buy it.

 

How many people have you met and spent any amount of time with that you don't remember at all?

 

I at no point said, "thinks of you fondly" or "all the time"

[AutumnMoon]

This is almost sad... Do Betrayed spouses really believe the OM or OW are forgotten about??

 

I never said they are remembered only in positive ways, only that they are remembered and thought about and I can't believe anyone would disagree.

[shell4]

Moving on is one thing.. Forgetting? Really? I don't buy it.

 

How many people have you met and spent any amount of time with that you don't remember at all?

 

I at no point said, "thinks of you fondly" or "all the time"

 

 

Just by the mere fact that former WS is still posting here even years after the A has ended and they have supposedly "MOVED ON" - is an indication that they still think of their AP.

[anne1707]

Moving on is one thing.. Forgetting? Really? I don't buy it.

 

How many people have you met and spent any amount of time with that you don't remember at all?

 

I at no point said, "thinks of you fondly" or "all the time"

 

Well you are going to have to buy it whether you like it or not.

 

I actually work with the exOM and I do not think of him at all in that way. He is just a work colleague.

 

You are also changing tactics now - your opening post said the WS "thinks" about you. Now you are saying "forget". That has a different meaning. "Not forgetting" is not the same as "thinking about"

 

Now I know I said "forget" but I mean it as I do not think of him in any other way than as a colleague, i.e. in terms of your opening post. The past is well and truly in the past.

[anne1707]

Just by the mere fact that former WS is still posting here even years after the A has ended and they have supposedly "MOVED ON" - is an indication that they still think of their AP.

 

 

Not that old line again. No you're wrong too.

 

I have stayed here to help other posters across LS just as they helped me when I came here.

[hippetyhop]

Could an A really break a MP's heart? I think so. We give them the love, attention, physical need they are lacking and all of a sudden it can be taken away. The emotional connection and just conversations instantaneously can be gone. If you form a bond with someone, then yes, it can hurt and they can still be thinking of you.

 

My xMM told me his heart is still broken from his first high school girlfriend who moved away and became a lesbian. That was 16 years ago. Since then he got married, had 1 short PA (he claims he lost interest in her/no emotional connection) and then me (we had a strong bond/physical connection). He wanted the emotional aspect to continue without the physical.

 

I agree with the OP that yes, they move on. Whether it is to save their marriage, be in an unhappy marriage, divorce, new AP, or crawl back to us (if we take them back)--but they may not forget.

[shell4]

Not that old line again. No you're wrong too.

 

I have stayed here to help other posters across LS just as they helped me when I came here.

 

You seem to be very angry. I'm sorry you are still dealing with that. But - this is not the topic of this thread.

[SunshineToday]

This is almost sad... Do Betrayed spouses really believe the OM or OW are forgotten about??

 

I never said they are remembered only in positive ways, only that they are remembered and thought about and I can't believe anyone would disagree.

 

 

Some people really do forget about others that didn't make a huge impact on their lives. I mean I met in Virginia Beach 20 years ago and dated him for about 3 weeks. Let me just say I NEVER THINK ABOUT HIM, but I tried to make myself think of someone I had forgotten for the sake of your post. So yes, he is not banished from my memory I can remember him (a little) but does he cross my mind? NO.

 

So lets say your remembering your AP and feel so sick to your stomach because at the time you were a cheater and betrayer. Do you think this is something you will do a lot? Nope. Less and less until one day you have almost totally forgotten. It does happen. And I'm not the BS talking here, I'm the cheater.

[hippetyhop]

Well you are going to have to buy it whether you like it or not.

 

I actually work with the exOM and I do not think of him at all in that way. He is just a work colleague.

 

You are also changing tactics now - your opening post said the WS "thinks" about you. Now you are saying "forget". That has a different meaning. "Not forgetting" is not the same as "thinking about"

 

Now I know I said "forget" but I mean it as I do not think of him in any other way than as a colleague, i.e. in terms of your opening post. The past is well and truly in the past.

 

I'm happy you don't see your xOM like that--but that is you. Each situation is different depending on length, what kind of A, how it ended, etc.

 

Are you saying that as soon as your A was over you automatically forgot about him and had no emotions whatsoever?

[anne1707]

You seem to be very angry. I'm sorry you are still dealing with that. But - this is not the topic of this thread.

 

Eh? Angry? No. Amused? Yes.

 

You are reading way too much into things.

[AutumnMoon]

Well you are going to have to buy it whether you like it or not.

 

I actually work with the exOM and I do not think of him at all in that way. He is just a work colleague.

 

You are also changing tactics now - your opening post said the WS "thinks" about you. Now you are saying "forget". That has a different meaning. "Not forgetting" is not the same as "thinking about"

 

Now I know I said "forget" but I mean it as I do not think of him in any other way than as a colleague, i.e. in terms of your opening post. The past is well and truly in the past.

 

I'm not changing tactics at all. The word forget has been used often.. As if betrayed spouses really believe when the affair ends their husband or wife just moves on and past it... Some very well might! But that doesn't mean they forget what happened and don't think about that person. Even if someone you cared about (or used) crosses your mind every so often.. the likely hood they'll cross your mind at some point, is very high..

 

So there you go.. They think about you.

 

I'm sure it's not accurate for 100 percent of people but it would be accurate for a very high number of them.

 

I think if people want to work on their marriage and reconcile it would be a hard pill to swallow to know the memories of the other person are there but that doesn't mean they aren't..

 

I'm married. I love my husband and one day my affair will end.. I'm not saying Ill be thinking of my AP every day or only positive thoughts but I can garauntee he will cross my mind.. And I'll think of him, even many many years from now.. Unless I have Alzheimer's or something.. I won't forget.

 

That's not romanticizing anything it's being realistic.

 

Is there anyone in your life that you at some point had a connection to that never ever crossed your mind now at all?

[anne1707]

I'm happy you don't see your xOM like that--but that is you. Each situation is different depending on length, what kind of A, how it ended, etc.

 

Are you saying that as soon as your A was over you automatically forgot about him and had no emotions whatsoever?

 

 

No and I have never suggested anything of the kind. It took time to get where I am now. My affair was 3 years long, nothing simple about that.

[velvette]

I'm not changing tactics at all. The word forget has been used often.. As if betrayed spouses really believe when the affair ends their husband or wife just moves on and past it... Some very well might! But that doesn't mean they forget what happened and don't think about that person. Even if someone you cared about (or used) crosses your mind every so often.. the likely hood they'll cross your mind at some point, is very high..

 

So there you go.. They think about you.

 

I'm sure it's not accurate for 100 percent of people but it would be accurate for a very high number of them.

 

I think if people want to work on their marriage and reconcile it would be a hard pill to swallow to know the memories of the other person are there but that doesn't mean they aren't..

 

I'm married. I love my husband and one day my affair will end.. I'm not saying Ill be thinking of my AP every day or only positive thoughts but I can garauntee he will cross my mind.. And I'll think of him, even many many years from now.. Unless I have Alzheimer's or something.. I won't forget.

 

That's not romanticizing anything it's being realistic.

 

Is there anyone in your life that you at some point had a connection to that never ever crossed your mind now at all?

 

My H has forgotten what happened in his first M lol, so I think you are deluding yourself. If I press him really hard, sure he can dig it up, but usually he says I cant even remember being married to her. And, its not an animosity thing, its just that he doesn't care anymore. Its not important to him, so unless I or the kids ask him to dredge a memory up he doesn't.

 

I think it works the same for many people with affair partners and/or old boyfriends/girlfriends........sure we can remember, but mostly we don't.

[hollyhillcourt]

I can't remember what I did last week sometimes.

 

Do I think I cross his mind every now and then, yes. Does it matter in the long run, no.

[AutumnMoon]

Some people really do forget about others that didn't make a huge impact on their lives. I mean I met in Virginia Beach 20 years ago and dated him for about 3 weeks. Let me just say I NEVER THINK ABOUT HIM, but I tried to make myself think of someone I had forgotten for the sake of your post. So yes, he is not banished from my memory I can remember him (a little) but does he cross my mind? NO.

 

So lets say your remembering your AP and feel so sick to your stomach because at the time you were a cheater and betrayer. Do you think this is something you will do a lot? Nope. Less and less until one day you have almost totally forgotten. It does happen. And I'm not the BS talking here, I'm the cheater.

 

I'm not saying it never happens. There is definitely people in my life I've known but didn't have a significant bond with that I think of every so often and an surprised I almost forgot them. But I don't forget people I had a bond with.. Or a secret with... An affair is ripe with that..

 

5 years from now a song could come on that reminds you of someone.. You may think of them briefly but you still thought of them..

 

Or in the case of a WS who was caught or ended the affair to fix their marriage.. They might move on, maybe they think of you as a mistake they made or remember how they falsely convinced you they loved you.. Maybe they are thinking, what if.. Or they pop into your mind while having sex or driving or anything.. I'm saying that if there was a connection and a bond even if it was only one sided, I am pretty confident they cross your mind at some point.

 

Now if it was an affair with all the trimmings of 'I love you's' be texting all day it sex every weekend or Tuesday or whatever your situation entailed... I would say the likely hood that person is on your mind .. Is very high.. EVEN if it was fake I love you's...

 

We are human, when we care about someone even superficially we do think about them later. At least I do!

[shell4]

My H has forgotten what happened in his first M lol, so I think you are deluding yourself. If I press him really hard, sure he can dig it up, but usually he says I cant even remember being married to her. And, its not an animosity thing, its just that he doesn't care anymore. Its not important to him, so unless I or the kids ask him to dredge a memory up he doesn't.

 

I think it works the same for many people with affair partners and/or old boyfriends/girlfriends........sure we can remember, but mostly we don't.

 

 

Aren't you worried that he may one day forget about YOUR marriage as well?

[yellowmaverick]

Well, I can't answer for EVERY MM - but I know that my WH thinks about his ex-mistress......every time his STD flairs up! Yep, that's right...she gave him the gift that keeps on giving!

[Owl]

I'm not changing tactics at all. The word forget has been used often.. As if betrayed spouses really believe when the affair ends their husband or wife just moves on and past it... Some very well might! But that doesn't mean they forget what happened and don't think about that person. Even if someone you cared about (or used) crosses your mind every so often.. the likely hood they'll cross your mind at some point, is very high..

 

So there you go.. They think about you.

 

I'm sure it's not accurate for 100 percent of people but it would be accurate for a very high number of them.

 

I think if people want to work on their marriage and reconcile it would be a hard pill to swallow to know the memories of the other person are there but that doesn't mean they aren't..

 

I'm married. I love my husband and one day my affair will end.. I'm not saying Ill be thinking of my AP every day or only positive thoughts but I can garauntee he will cross my mind.. And I'll think of him, even many many years from now.. Unless I have Alzheimer's or something.. I won't forget.

 

That's not romanticizing anything it's being realistic.

 

Is there anyone in your life that you at some point had a connection to that never ever crossed your mind now at all?

 

Bull.

 

Do you "think" about your second boyfriend in middle/high school? Does he cross your mind often enough to matter? Is he in any way relevent to your life today?

 

'Xactly.

 

Sure...he may come up if something draws a conversation around to him or to your life back then. But otherwise, he's non persona.

 

As is pretty much everyone else not really relative to your life now.

 

Doubled for those relationships you regret.

 

Not rocket science here, folks.

[whichwayisup]

This is almost sad... Do Betrayed spouses really believe the OM or OW are forgotten about??

 

I never said they are remembered only in positive ways, only that they are remembered and thought about and I can't believe anyone would disagree.

 

What time frame are you thinking about here? Months? Weeks? Years?

 

I'm sure as time goes by if thoughts of AP was in a MM or MW's mind, eventually those fade away as their life goes on. Like in 10 years I highly doubt an AP is on a MM or MW's mind much, if at all.

 

How often to you sit and look back, remember your old ex's from your past? Do you sit and dwell on it? Or is it a 20 second thought, then forgotten about?

[anne1707]

My H has forgotten what happened in his first M lol, so I think you are deluding yourself. If I press him really hard, sure he can dig it up, but usually he says I cant even remember being married to her. And, its not an animosity thing, its just that he doesn't care anymore. Its not important to him, so unless I or the kids ask him to dredge a memory up he doesn't.

 

I think it works the same for many people with affair partners and/or old boyfriends/girlfriends........sure we can remember, but mostly we don't.

 

Quoted because this is the same for me.

 

I don't think of ex boyfriends so why on earth should I think about the exOM? Why should that be any different?

 

Yes the memories are there if I go looking for them but I don't do that because they are of no interest to me. When I post here on LS and refer to the exOM, it all feels rather detached from me now as there is no emotional aspect to it for me.

[Owl]

What time frame are you thinking about here? Months? Weeks? Years?

 

I'm sure as time goes by if thoughts of AP was in a MM or MW's mind, eventually those fade away as their life goes on. Like in 10 years I highly doubt an AP is on a MM or MW's mind much, if at all.

 

How often to you sit and look back, remember your old ex's from your past? Do you sit and dwell on it? Or is it a 20 second thought, then forgotten about?

 

That's what I was about to add to my post previously.

 

The AP may be relative for a short period of time after the affair ends...but longer term...especially if they're focusing on saving their marriage...not so much. They prefer to forget about that mistake in their life and focus on what's in front of them now.