Do you feel you're losing your ability to think rationally?

[loveofhorses1970]

No regrets on breaking off the R with xMM. Well, technically they were divorced but still living together as if married...splitting hairs. Anyway, no regrets for telling BS either. But some of the thoughts that still pop into my head astonish me! Nothing about boiling bunnies or causing physical harm, just remembering him...us...how he portrayed things that weren't true...how I'm now the bad guy/issue that caused "all their marital issues" which is impossible since they have issues spanning back four plus years...way before I knew him. To me, you'd think these thoughts would be long gone. Anyone else feel like they're losing it?

[hurtnomorerika]

YES! Im so glad to know someone else feels the same way. Even before our baby came about, I felt like I was losing it. I was doing so many foolish things like riding by his house, having unprotected sex with him, because I had fallen in love with him. Usually Im a very smart woman, but when it came down to this man my common sense went out the door.

 

I think affairs do cause you too think irrationally and do things that you normally wouldnt do. Looking back on alot of it I feel stupid and played, but its just a lesson learned.

[GypsumSatellite]

I stopped thinking rationally early in our A. I was weak, a little malleable, and ripe for letting my boundaries get pushed beyond their limits. I did things that made zero sense when compared to my behavior pre-A. I became a different person. Crazy-making comes to mind. Never feeling quite secure, always a little afraid if I didn't agree to something he'd find someone else. Then he changed into a different person who didn't want to push me, wanted to nurture me. Wanted to build me up.

 

Never knowing what you'd get from day to day. Is he going to be Jekyll or Hyde? That's how I've felt.

[2sure]

As BS, I was out of mind for awhile - just prior to DDay then up the divorce. My best friend , in talking to her at that time, finally said to me:

Im not a professional but Ive got to tell you, I think its possible you are out of your mind .

 

Oh. Because she knew me best, I had to really seriously consider that. Not that it stopped my behavior, but in looking back - yeah. Right off the rails.

 

Here on LS - I see both BS and OW/OM ,...sounding like they THINK they are being rational and knowing that in a few months or a year they are going to read back and say: Whoa! Why didnt someone tell me I was out of mind??

 

So, sometimes, if I do just that - thats why.

[BruisedBNBroken]

YES!!!! In the beginning and throughout the affair, although short lived, I completely lost my ability to think rationally. I was doing stupid, careless things and engaging in complete self destructive behavior. xAP's deliberate push and pull behavior was crazy making and turned me into a desperate helpless drug addict that would be anything for another hit. How embarrassing. I'm only a few months out from the end of the physical affair but I'm now desperately trying to make NC stick. There's been a lot of starts and stops there so now that, in and of itself is crazy making too. The whole experience has been a toxic, miserable mess and I can't believe I allowed my moments of weakness and selfishness to get myself into this situation.

[2sure]

Sometimes, when somewhere here who is involved in an affair says something that to me, is toxic or nonsense. I don't take offense, because in the back of my head, I'm thinking ...this is her right now, she probably isn't herself.

 

Others, I just know are off the rails, paid up to the end of line. But most, it's just a short trip.

[Cressida]

I think we don't necessarily lose our ability to think rationally but we convince ourselves (via our skewed reasoning) that we MUST let our heart do the talking. This is what happened to me, at least.

 

I have posted earlier about my personal 'drama' with a MM who's been acting very weird and mean lately. I think I have just broken up with him this morning (none of us talked to each other so it's kinda coming) and I don't feel bad at all. I feel like my feelings for him were not only clouding my judgment, but they were making me believe or want to that he DOES love me, he just has problems on his mind, he's busy, he's been through a lot lately, he's got issues, I upset him (if you can believe this...), etc. All the plethora of sh*tty reasons I was trying to make up to excuse his unacceptable behavior.

 

I think it's not our faulty judgment but the way we WANT to think about it. I was honestly convinced he loved me and I am still not 100% sure he doesn't. But what I am sure of is the fact that I don't want this type of love, not like this, not on his terms (behavior-wise), not with the reactions he has towards me despite me doing nothing to disturb him, on the contrary.

I have become this man's doormat and it's not cool. Very sad now, but will move on. I think our self-preservation system kicks in at some point when all lines have been crossed and you just feel like saying 'stop'. Enough is enough.