cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Started dating a girl in August. Talked everyday. Met for lunches and golfing. Hung out at least once a week, sometimes more when she had time. Last week she cancels a lunch date and I tell her I am really disappointed and let down. She returns a text contemplating coloring her hair and what color she should go with. So I confront the situation. I told her I was emotionally invested in us, even though we haven't kissed or done anything physical (she wanted to finish her dental hygiene certification first, which I was cool with. She finishes this week then takes exams and will be done). Basically it comes down to she sent me a text saying she didn't know what to say. I wrote back giving her two options. 1) I like you but need a few more weeks to finish school and then we can see where we end up or 2) I like having you in my life as a friend. She said this was a face to face conversation. I said name the time and place. She goes off on why am I pushing and I'm pushing her away by doing so. I said I just needed to know where we were going, that to be 2.5 months into this and I'm emotionally invested because I like her. She said something happened and she is cutting off all ties. I can be friends or not. She would not tell me what happened. I think she might be pregnant. Do I run and how fast?
WhiteButton Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Wait you have been with this girl for over 2.5 months and you haven't kissed yet?!?!? Dude i am not sure if you realize this, but you have been friend zoned and that is why you have not been able to escalate this. I am surprised that you dated this girl for this long. Props to you for sticking in it that long - i know i wouldn't.
Author cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Believe me. I wanted to. I tried. And we talked about it. She said she didn't want to start anything until school was out. I thought she was worth the wait and I thought it would allow us to actually get to know one another. What I know of her...I liked. A Lot.
GorillaTheater Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I think she might be pregnant. Hold the phone. Good job slipping that into the narrative almost under the wire. I assume you're not the dad, and I'll also assume that if you're not sure, she hasn't been pregnant for very long. I'm leaning towards "sprint" instead of "run", but would you care to expand on this a bit?
Author cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 She said she "was informed of this something" the day we were supposed to have dinner. I am not the father and cannot have children. We haven't had any physical contact. So basically, if my assumption is correct, she found out she was pregnant last week. She said she was working up the courage to tell me but when she got me on the phone she chickened out. I was basically asking for the reason she put the breaks on. Because that is exactly what she did.
GorillaTheater Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 It doesn't really sound like there's much for you to run from. She's already fled what (little) relationship you two had. Sucks, since you've indicated that you've become invested, but just let her go.
MidwestUSA Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I'm not following. She's pregnant? Or you're assuming it must be something really bad, and that's what you came up with? She is or isn't. Not a lot of middle ground 1
TigerCub Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I'm sorry, but it really doesn't sound like you were her boyfriend. I think you were just her friend. Also, why would you get so mad if she had to cancel a lunch - why did that lead to all this? Anyways, don't think there is anything for you to run from. This just seems like one big miscommunication. Also, why are you assuming she's pregnant - her getting some info, or something changing, doesn't automatically mean she's pregnant.
Author cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 No, I was not her boyfriend. I will find out, hopefully, today at 1:00 what the big piece of missing information is. You all are right. She has already run away. It wasn't the cancelling of the date that got me going down this road. It was the fact that she didn't care, in fact, cared more about the color of her hair than not seeing me. Because I told her earlier I wasn't in this to be friends. I wanted more but was willing to wait a few weeks till her school was out and she had more time and less stress. Then suddenly everything changed. She went from not wanting anything now to "a relationship is not on my radar and I need to work on myself". Well, where the hell did that come from? That wasn't what she told me. That was not what she was saying when she said "I almost kissed you because you are so sweet." I'm not so invested that this hurt me. She wants to be friends then fine, she can go find someone else to be friends with because in reality, if she doesn't want anything with me romantically, what the H&ll could I possibly give her as a friend that she doesn't already have? Now, if I'm correct and she does turn out to be pregnant, I'm going to feel like an ass for throwing her out on her own.
TigerCub Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 No, I was not her boyfriend. I will find out, hopefully, today at 1:00 what the big piece of missing information is. You all are right. She has already run away. It wasn't the cancelling of the date that got me going down this road. It was the fact that she didn't care, in fact, cared more about the color of her hair than not seeing me. Because I told her earlier I wasn't in this to be friends. I wanted more but was willing to wait a few weeks till her school was out and she had more time and less stress. Then suddenly everything changed. She went from not wanting anything now to "a relationship is not on my radar and I need to work on myself". Well, where the hell did that come from? That wasn't what she told me. That was not what she was saying when she said "I almost kissed you because you are so sweet." I'm not so invested that this hurt me. She wants to be friends then fine, she can go find someone else to be friends with because in reality, if she doesn't want anything with me romantically, what the H&ll could I possibly give her as a friend that she doesn't already have? Now, if I'm correct and she does turn out to be pregnant, I'm going to feel like an ass for throwing her out on her own. Whaaaaa? really, so if she is pregnant - YOU would feel like an ass for throwing her out on her own? Where are you throwing her out from? It's not like she's depending on you to support her? AND if she was pregnant - shouldn't you be more upset by the fact that she told you she wanted to concentrate on her degree and therefore didn't want to start anything, all the while she was screwing someone else? I mean, if I were you and I was gonna feel anything about her being pregnant - I think that would be it - that she pretty much lied all the while she was banging someone else. Either way, you don't owe this girl anything. And next time you meet a girl you like, make your move, if it works - great, if you get an excuse - move on unless you want to be her friend. 1
Author cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Whaaaaa? really, so if she is pregnant - YOU would feel like an ass for throwing her out on her own? Where are you throwing her out from? It's not like she's depending on you to support her? AND if she was pregnant - shouldn't you be more upset by the fact that she told you she wanted to concentrate on her degree and therefore didn't want to start anything, all the while she was screwing someone else? I mean, if I were you and I was gonna feel anything about her being pregnant - I think that would be it - that she pretty much lied all the while she was banging someone else. Either way, you don't owe this girl anything. And next time you meet a girl you like, make your move, if it works - great, if you get an excuse - move on unless you want to be her friend. That's exactly how I feel. That and highly pissed that I wasted time thinking maybe taking things slow was the way to go. Dating sucks.
soccerrprp Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 ...I told her I was emotionally invested in us, even though we haven't kissed or done anything physical (she wanted to finish her dental hygiene certification first, which I was cool with.... I think she might be pregnant. Do I run and how fast? Huh? So, you haven't had sex with her, but you think she may be pregnant? With someone else's child? And why think that? Please clarify....
Author cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Huh? So, you haven't had sex with her, but you think she may be pregnant? With someone else's child? And why think that? Please clarify.... Because she cut off almost all personal contact, wouldn't talk about anything about her life, said something happened to her and she is cutting off all contacts. Why else would she not be able to date a guy who hasn't done anything wrong?
GorillaTheater Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Because she cut off almost all personal contact, wouldn't talk about anything about her life, said something happened to her and she is cutting off all contacts. Why else would she not be able to date a guy who hasn't done anything wrong? Could be anything, up to and including being griped at for canceling a meal with some guy who doesn't rank too high on her priority list in the first place. Like I said, there doesn't seem to be enough of a relationship to run from in the first place. Have I said "let her go" yet? Let her go. 1
Author cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Could be anything, up to and including being griped at for canceling a meal with some guy who doesn't rank too high on her priority list in the first place. Like I said, there doesn't seem to be enough of a relationship to run from in the first place. Have I said "let her go" yet? Let her go. Well, friends is not what I"m in it for regardless of what's happened to her. She will be gone after lunch.
Author cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Well, friends is not what I"m in it for regardless of what's happened to her. She will be gone after lunch. I'm meeting her for lunch. She just text me asking if "I am excited". WTF? Why would I get excited about meeting a "friend" for lunch. Women are nuts
WhiteButton Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Dude why are you even going to lunch with her? You were with her for two months and no kiss - there is plenty of ladies outhere man. She asked you "are you excited?" before you go to lunch with her - this woman has figured you out and she knows she has you in he claw. The fact that you were with her for as long as you were she thinks she cant do no wrong with you and she will always be able to have you, unless you get a grip of your self and drop her. You might like her but she does not like you. The only chance if there is any for you to get anything going is to go cold on her and drop contact completely. Have her come after you and put some effort if she wants to be with you. Good luck!
Author cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Dude why are you even going to lunch with her? You were with her for two months and no kiss - there is plenty of ladies outhere man. She asked you "are you excited?" before you go to lunch with her - this woman has figured you out and she knows she has you in he claw. The fact that you were with her for as long as you were she thinks she cant do no wrong with you and she will always be able to have you, unless you get a grip of your self and drop her. You might like her but she does not like you. The only chance if there is any for you to get anything going is to go cold on her and drop contact completely. Have her come after you and put some effort if she wants to be with you. Good luck! I wanted to talk Face-to-face, like she had said once before. I asked her point blank what happened. She said that "since it doesn't involve me, then I don't deserve an explanation". With that, I said, well, I don't want to be just friends. Good bye. Didn't even buy her lunch. Deleted her number, and peeled out of the parking lot
Author cdt76 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Pro move bro. HA! It wasn't one of my finer moments in life.
ascendotum Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Because she cut off almost all personal contact, wouldn't talk about anything about her life, said something happened to her and she is cutting off all contacts. Why else would she not be able to date a guy who hasn't done anything wrong? I think its a bit of a stretch here assuming she's pregnant. Just as likely the big thing is she is failing her classes or what about she has found some other guy that gets her horny or another guy that shes had her eye on who is free to date/sex her now. Waiting around for months while she works things out in her life is a ticket to the friendzone, as you have learnt. If a girl cant find the time in her busy schedule or is just too stressed at the moment to even have a makeout session with you, then sorry you just don't turn her on, and getting the 'you're such a sweet guy' comment is poor consolation. "since it doesn't involve me, then I don't deserve an explanation" lol. That's a polite FU. Good to read how you wrapped things up with her at lunch.
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