My boyfriend wanted a break then slept with someone else :(

[JR123]

I was with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years who lived in with me and my mum. he then quite suddenly decided he wanted a break and took all his stuff and walked out. I phoned him the next day to try and sort things out but he didn't want to know, saying it was too late but he did say he would let me know how he felt after the weekend. So to me we were still on a break. He got back to me after the weekend saying he still felt the same, that he didn't want to be with me, I asked him to come round to end it properly, he reluctantly did. When he came round he said things like he wants someone more outgoing and we had nothing in common and he couldn't say he loved me because he wasn't sure if he did. We then didn't speak for another 2 weeks when he text to say he missed me, we then met for dinner when he told me he had slept with a girl twice on the weekend I thought we were on a break and that a few weeks before we went on a break they swapped numbers on a night out but he hadn't text at all until the day after we went on a break. It's like he had her lined up although he said he didn't, he just wanted to be loved. I was absolutely distraught and still am although we are back together and he wants to wipe the slate clean a move on, he says it was a huge mistake. The only reason I can forgive is because we weren't having sex for months and he said it made him feel really unloved and pushed away. We both agree we needed more communication and he should have told me everything he was feeling. I also found out from his Facebook search history that he had searched loads of different girls repeatedly, his says it's nothing, I agree some are friends but some aren't! The problem I've got now is I'm in love with him and never want to leave him but I feel so insecure and keep wondering if I have all the truth even though he says there's nothing more to tell! Help

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

By looking up many old girl "friends", sounds like he's waiting for the next exciting thing to sweep him up.

[cif]

No sex for months? Of course he would venture elsewhere. Since you have already decided to take him back... you're on the right track keeping communication lines open. I would make it clear you won't tolerate cheating (technically you were broken up) and there will be no third chance. If he has issues he needs to discuss them with you. Good luck.

[Mariposa10]

So now he loves you? Sleeping with someone else helped him realize that he loves you? Hmmmm, do you really see yourself with this guy in the future? How long were you guys apart? What if he does the same thing when he finds someone more "outgoing"?

[Zahara]

He wanted a break so that he could go out and have sex with this other woman. Probably didn't work out so he came back crying and blaming you for his indiscretion.

 

Relationships are difficult to maintain and it's work. Did he talk to you first about what his issues were, try to get you both on the right track again, revive the relationship -- which is what he should have done before he decided to have sex somewhere else because he wasn't getting it for months. Or did he just up and out, take a break, have sex somewhere else and cry about it after?

 

He did the latter. I'd be very cautious.

[JR123]

He left on Wednesday then I rang him to see what was going on and he told me he would let me know how he was feeling after the weekend. He then told me on the Tuesday that he still felt the same. I got him to come round the Wednesday to end it properly. Then we didn't talk for 2 weeks. In the relationship before this happened he did keep asking why I didn't want to have sex but I just didn't know why. It wasn't until this break that I realised I was just down. I must add that he lives half an hour away from me because of his work but his family live 3 hours away and that's where he met this girl. He repeatedly says that he only text her the day after we went on a break because he felt so unloved and rejected from me. I asked him why he wouldn't come back to me for sex instead when I told him I wanted to give him sex, love and time and he said it was because he felt I would be forcing myself. When he walked out he said he felt broken and lost. He's never been one to talk about things. He bottles them up. I've told him that he now needs to talk about everything and so do I. He says he made one massive mistake and only questioned his love for me because he felt unloved and rejected for such a long time. He now says he wants to put 100% into our relationship and move in and get engaged next year. Something he would never have spoken about before.

[JoJo54321]

I could tell a very similar storey to this but because I kept asking my bf all the details and couldn't stop going over and over it with him we eventually broke up If you both agreed to make the relationship work, you by being more outgoing and sexually adventurus and he by doing everyhing he can to make it up to you then give it a chance and dont blow it like I did. This experience can make your relationship stronger if you let it, good luck.