Thought I was ready to be "friendly" with my ex. Thought wrong :-/

[Never Again]

I see your points.

 

However, "forward, not back" is something I've heard many people say in these situations.

 

It is, without a doubt, simultaneously one of the best AND most foolish things to say during a breakup.

 

Why?

 

It's great because we always should be moving forward. Improving ourselves and the world around us, and sometimes we need kick in the pants to get moving.

 

It's made foolish when people sir it to discourage or escape from an otherwise possible reconciliation (which are rare). It's foolish here BECAUSE of the reason that it's great - it encourages change. When couples reconcile, it should be a NEW relationship, and it will be between two slightly newer and improved people.

 

One cannot step into the same river twice, since the act of stepping changes both the stepper and the river. Even if the elements are the same, the encounter is different.

[dolita]

hun,

 

there is NO such thing as mixed signals,

 

just like he's either into you or he's not so into you. he's not 'so' into you isn't he's a little into you, it's he's not interested period.

 

negative x positive = negative

[hotpotato]

Yes, they can give you mixed signals.

 

Last ex would tell me how much he liked me, how much he fell for me. He told me no girl had ever been so nice to him. We were ldr at the time, and we agreed I would visit in May. He sent me money for a plane ticket. When May came around he dumped me. Looking back he was pulling away while giving me a bunch of compliments. He was pursuing me and rejecting me at the same time. He replaced me with me. He went directly to a girl in my state (1000 miles from him) who looked like me.

 

Sometimes dumpers are cray-cray.

 

I could tell a similar story with the previous ex.

[Never Again]

I've made a few posts about my silly situation, but the Cliffnotes version is:

 

Girlfriend of 10 months dumped me 4 months ago because the honeymoon-period/spark/chemistry faded a bit during a really stressful time. She was wishy-washy during the breakup, wanted to have me in her life as a"friend", started chasing a guy that lives across the country and cried when she found out I knew to try and convince me there was nothing going on, and pursued me at a wedding we were both at.

 

I had a minor relapse because I missed her, but realized that it was HER I missed, not the relationship. I still refuse to be "friendzoned", but thought that maybe I was ready for LC to keep in touch.

 

After a brief conversation, I already can tell that is a bad idea and will be going right back to NC.

 

I'm not back-sliding in my healing process, but I thought I had made positive momentum with being able to interact with her. She was a big enough part of my life, though, where even the rejection of my 100% platonic approaches kind of stings. Her mixed signals are also frustrating - it took a lot of time for me to let go of the hope for reconciliation...her behaving as if she's interested only risks those stupid ideas coming back.

 

It almost feels like she WANTS me on a string in case she decides she wants me again, which is something she absolutely said she wouldn't want to do to me when we broke up.

 

Loads of people have already said it on this forum, and I'll repeat it: don't break NC if you can avoid it. Don't give your ex the fringe benefits of a relationship by being available, kind or friendly. Just walk away forever.

Edited October 15, 2013 by Pfenixphire