Vel Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 So basically my ex and I were together for about 2 years, I would've given my everything to be with her and to protect her, we were both mostly really in love and it was great and all that and about a month ago she left me for this guy that I hated, but had to deal with cause he was 'friend of a friend' and we were never on good terms with eachother. His gf broke up with him, i comforted him etc, he starts getting close to my ex and etc etc she left me for him. His reasoning was "to piss you off" and rebound and what not and to just use her for whatever reason yesterday my ex got dumped by him (no surprise, thank you karma) she tells me how she's such an idiot and made a stupid mistake and all, but ever since she broke up with me (it was a very horrible breakup) I've been gyming and getting my life together non-stop so technically it's probably the best thing to me so she texted me last night and adding me on facebook attempting to talk to me and all that, so what should I do? I haven't replied to her yet and i've been in NC with her for nearly a month since breakup. Should I wait a week or something? Opinions? I know my friends say to get over it and move on, but I kinda do want her back"
Philosoraptor Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 She's rebounding to somewhere "safe". She dumped you for another guy, and once she was dumped she feels like she can just go back to what she had before. Unless you want to get dumped again for someone else in the future you should keep your distance from this girl.
aliveagain Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Vel, she dumped you for someone new, you were in a two year relationship with her at the time(my guess is she was already dating him before she broke things off with you), must not have meant much to her to risk it all for someone she doesn't even know. He dumped her after getting enough of what he wanted and now she feels like crap so she go's to the only person she knows she has control over to make herself feel better, you. That will only last until your next replacement comes along. My advice is keep going, stay N/C as your through the worst part of the break up. Hold out for someone worth being with, this is not the one.
Zahara Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 so what should I do? I haven't replied to her yet and i've been in NC with her for nearly a month since breakup. Should I wait a week or something? Opinions? I know my friends say to get over it and move on, but I kinda do want her back" You're the rebound. He dumped her and now she needs you to fill that void. That is all it is. If the guy decided to take her back today, I'm sure you'll be yesterdays news, AGAIN. If you like being the fallback guy, take her back.
barky2 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Been there done that. Don't even go there. She needs time alone if you guys ever want a lasting relationship Not hopping from one pole to another. Tell her to contact you in a few months. If you take her back right now, I give it 2 weeks Because she is still fighting for him.....she's a "normal" dumpee right now doing the begging ect Thank me later. Barky
Never Again Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Been there done that. Don't even go there. She needs time alone if you guys ever want a lasting relationship Not hopping from one pole to another. Tell her to contact you in a few months. If you take her back right now, I give it 2 weeks Because she is still fighting for him.....she's a "normal" dumpee right now doing the begging ect Thank me later. Barky THIS. Seriously, I wish I had found Barky's advice months ago when I was responding to breadcrumbs from my ex - not the "I love you I miss" you kind...just the random joke to see if I was there...and I would joke back. I NEVER told her I missed her and or ever tried to get her back...but by caving and responding...I let her know I was still there and willing to be a part of her life if she asked. I had 2 of these super short conversations with her in the first month, 1 in the second, NC for a month, a phone call 3 months post-BU cuz she found out I knew about her rebound guy from across the country (and I spent 30 minutes telling her that I didn't care), several interactions at a wedding and a text conversation 4 months post-BU. If anything, I hurt my healing process and hurt my chances of getting her back (the first is more important). Don't do what I did. You need to disappear. You need distance. You need to heal and forgive her for what she's done through and after the breakup. She needs to get over her current breakup. If you still both want to try after that, then it might work. Yes, I would like it if my ex returns after a few months of NC while I work on making myself happy, I'm not holding my breath. However, doing this is the only way I'll be self-sufficient. Read Barky's comments (and the Old Barky post linked by JoelBarish) here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/431852-broke-nc-today-now-what#post5268825 1
f1asr88 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I'm sorry to hear your situation, as I have had much the same problem. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/425402-she-left-me-another-guy-should-i-take-her-back I've decided now, and come to realise, that I deserve better, and that I'm not going to take her back. I'm not sure if you should either. She had the time to weigh up her 'love' for you and all the things you did together in two years of happiness, and she decided that it all mattered to her so little that she preferred to leave you for a twerp. If he were a decent guy he wouldn't inspire hatred in others. Like in my case, if she loved you enough, it should have taken her half a second to decide to stay with you. I'm sorry if that was blunt, but you deserve to be loved by someone more devoted than that.
Mariposa10 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Just like someone already said, she needs to be alone for awhile. If you do, decide to get back together. Distance yourself from her for awhile. Otherwise, she might get confused again.
Never Again Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Just like someone already said, she needs to be alone for awhile. If you do, decide to get back together. Distance yourself from her for awhile. Otherwise, she might get confused again. Seriously. I was my ex's rebound in some ways. She's a happy person and recovers quickly, but she was into me 1 month after she got dumped and starting pursuing me 2 months after. We had a 10 month relationship and she grew to genuinely love me, but because I helped her through the pain of getting dumped...she never learned how to heal and be on her own. When things started to calm down and get "serious", she got confused and bailed while bawling her eyes out. My new personal rule: no dating anyone unless they've been on their own for at least 4 months. Anything else is asking for trouble. 1
Mariposa10 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Seriously. I was my ex's rebound in some ways. She's a happy person and recovers quickly, but she was into me 1 month after she got dumped and starting pursuing me 2 months after. We had a 10 month relationship and she grew to genuinely love me, but because I helped her through the pain of getting dumped...she never learned how to heal and be on her own. When things started to calm down and get "serious", she got confused and bailed while bawling her eyes out. My new personal rule: no dating anyone unless they've been on their own for at least 4 months. Anything else is asking for trouble. Make it 6 months if you have just gotten of a serious relationship. That's why I'm not even thinking about dating just yet. I want to mourn my breakup first.
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