Jump to content

come and kick me up the backside!


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted
I think any person would have acted the way he did when faced with someone like me?

 

This is what I am saying. You have a way of spinning things in your head and it comes out all warped.

 

No man that I know of, no matter how frustrated will put his hands around a woman's neck and tell her he wants to rape her.

 

Slam the door on you. Call the police on you. Tell you to go away. Stop talking to you. Lead you to your car and ask you to leave. Sure.

 

Getting so mad that he wants to rape you? No.

Posted
I think any person would have acted the way he did when faced with someone like me?

 

No, I'm pretty sure most men wouldn't have said that they wanted to rape you. I mean, at what point are you going to stop spinning everything and just start taking things at face value?

 

Going over to someone's house unannounced = bad by you

Pestering someone who has told you to leave you alone = bad by you

Telling someone who is annoying you that you want to rape them = bad by him

 

Stop romanticizing something that was severely flawed. Seriously, it's really time for you to get your head out of your ass. I realize I'm being blunt, but christ.

  • Author
Posted

Because you seem to be implying that he was messed up from the beginning and therefore whatever he felt for me was never real.

 

If I hadn't pushed so much, it wouldn't have gone this way.

 

He's had successful relationships in the past and is still friends with his exes, so clearly he's not a bad person normally.

 

The other night he said I made him this way (actually he said "you've turned me into a b*****d") and when I brought up the hitting/rape thing and that it wasn't normal to think that however frustrated, he said that everyone has their limits.

 

I'm not turning this into some romeo and Juliet thing...I'm just accepting responsibility.

Posted (edited)
Because you seem to be implying that he was messed up from the beginning and therefore whatever he felt for me was never real.

 

If I hadn't pushed so much, it wouldn't have gone this way.

 

He's had successful relationships in the past and is still friends with his exes, so clearly he's not a bad person normally.

 

The other night he said I made him this way (actually he said "you've turned me into a b*****d") and when I brought up the hitting/rape thing and that it wasn't normal to think that however frustrated, he said that everyone has their limits.

 

I'm not turning this into some romeo and Juliet thing...I'm just accepting responsibility.

 

Stop spinning. It doesn't matter what he was before, it's null and void. He said he wanted to rape you. That's not normal -- that's a sign of a guy who is a piece of crap. You didn't drive him to that -- that was always there on some level. You are so clueless and so devoid of self-respect and have no idea what a healthy relationship and situation is. I mean, just read the crap you are typing. It's ridiculous. Stop making excuses for this man and for yourself. It's just sad at this point.

Edited by Simon Phoenix
Posted (edited)
Because you seem to be implying that he was messed up from the beginning and therefore whatever he felt for me was never real.

 

If I hadn't pushed so much, it wouldn't have gone this way.

 

He's had successful relationships in the past and is still friends with his exes, so clearly he's not a bad person normally.

 

The other night he said I made him this way (actually he said "you've turned me into a b*****d") and when I brought up the hitting/rape thing and that it wasn't normal to think that however frustrated, he said that everyone has their limits.

 

I'm not turning this into some romeo and Juliet thing...I'm just accepting responsibility.

 

So, one day, your child comes to you and says, "Mom, Mr. Boyfriend got so mad with me that he said he wanted to hit me and rape me. He said it's because I was stressing him out." I'm assuming you're going to say, "Honey, why did you do that? You asked for it. Now, go and apologize and tell him it was your fault for pushing him to his limits." Yes? Or would you tell them it's wrong and no one should ever treat your son or daughter that way? Which is it?

 

It doesn't matter the extent or circumstance, healthy people do not express their frustration that way.

 

He's messed up. Whether he had feelings for you or not, he's messed up. Period. He may have felt something for you but it was all coming from a bad place. FFS, the man even said he was broken. What sort of healthy emotions do you think was coming from that?

 

He had successful relationships in the past? How do you know? He told you? If they were so successful, why is he still single and broken? And he's friends with his exes, so what? I'm cordial with an ex that cheated on me. These exes of his may not even have seen his other side. People can act their best and show their true colors years later, down the road. Just because he said so? Get smart, Gothic.

 

You know what disturbs me, it's that you are teaching your children with this sort of warped mindset. Abuse or talk of abuse should never be tolerated.

Edited by Zahara
  • Author
Posted

OK and now I've had enough.

 

My ****ing mother told me I had somehow led my dad and my uncle on because they sexual abused me as a child.

 

****. You. All.

 

I AM NOT teaching my kids that abuse of any form is right or OK...not at all.

 

Yes I know he didn't treat his exes badly because he was with his wife for 28 years and is friends with most of his exes, including the ones that left him. And this was 6 months after he split with one ex, not years down the line.

 

My last ex blamed me and said I turned him to violence...and this latest guy agreed wih him. My last ex (kids father) has also had successful relationships in the past and since...so its clearly me that drives men to insanity.

 

My children are fine. I have done everything to check I'm not mentally unwell, I underwent assessment by social services recently on my own request and passed with flying colours.

 

So don't you DARE say you fear for my children.

 

No ****ing man will ever mess with them I'll make sure of it!

Posted (edited)

Quit with the defensive crap.

 

You can lash out and tell us all to F off, when we're trying to open your eyes, but yet, a man tells you he wants to rape and beat you, and you actually chase him and welcome him into your home?

 

You come on a forum and talk about this man that puts his hand around your neck, tells you he is so angry he wants to beat and rape you, inform us you have kids, and you expect no one to be concerned?

 

Did you ever once say, "You know what, I may love him, but after what he said, I'm not sure what he's capable of or what his mental state is like and I can't risk exposing that to my children." No, you phukking welcome him into your home! And you continue to chase him and imagine white picket fences and a happy family. You have zero boundaries. ZERO.

 

You didn't answer the question. If your daughter came to you today and said that her boyfriend wanted to rape and hit her because he was pushed to his limits, what would you say? Your answer will reflect how YOU should be gauging your own stance in the situation.

 

Great, you got through some tests. Fact remains, you need therapy. You were abused as a child. Abused as an adult. The fact that you can't see anything wrong with a man saying that to you or bringing him into your home, should ring bells in your head.

 

And answer the damn question.

Edited by Zahara
  • Like 1
Posted

therapy gothicrose. You need it badly.

  • Like 1
Posted
OK and now I've had enough.

 

My ****ing mother told me I had somehow led my dad and my uncle on because they sexual abused me as a child.

 

****. You. All.

 

I AM NOT teaching my kids that abuse of any form is right or OK...not at all.

 

Yes I know he didn't treat his exes badly because he was with his wife for 28 years and is friends with most of his exes, including the ones that left him. And this was 6 months after he split with one ex, not years down the line.

 

My last ex blamed me and said I turned him to violence...and this latest guy agreed wih him. My last ex (kids father) has also had successful relationships in the past and since...so its clearly me that drives men to insanity.

 

My children are fine. I have done everything to check I'm not mentally unwell, I underwent assessment by social services recently on my own request and passed with flying colours.

 

So don't you DARE say you fear for my children.

 

No ****ing man will ever mess with them I'll make sure of it!

 

 

I'm sorry, but I fear for your children as well. You're an adult, I'm sorry you had to go through horrible things, now you can work on it.

 

Why don't you try therapy? You have every right to be happy to find a good man and have a nice family.

Posted

Gothic,

 

Calm down. NO ONE Is saying you're a bad mother. I am sure you love your children very much and you would do anything for them.

 

Look, my father has never hit anyone, yet he did me growing up. Both him and my mother agreed it was ME who got that reaction from him and only ME.

 

You simply sound like a person who can really annoy people at times, and you happen to meet certain people that you really rub the wrong way.

JUST because you get an unusual reaction out of certain people insofar as their anger is concerned, it DOES NOT mean they were within their right to ABUSE you.

 

Yes you obviously drive some people NUTS. More so than any other person has pushed them. THAT IS NO excuse for them lashing out. They could have walked away from you. They could have left the room. They could have ended it with you immediately upon realising you drive them nuts.

 

You have a long way to go before you can attract a decent guy and live happily ever after. Though, with professional help and by living your life well, I am sure you will have a happy ending; it will NOT be with this guy.

 

Your main objective should be to get well and deal with your low self esteem issues, and to prepare yourself so that you are in a state to ATTRACT the right men.

 

 

 

I fear for you, that you are going to indulge yourself with your OWN selfish needs, and still focus on THIS ONE guy, and whether or not you will get back together with him.

Posted
Apart from the fact that its killing me that I had a chance of something potentially good and I smashed it to pieces bit by bit.

 

The man I love, is indifferent towards me. I am a stranger to him, and it hurts.

 

So no, I'm not in denial at all...I know what I've done, I just internalise it.

 

 

 

I fell hard for a guy who recently disappeared. Who claimed he was head over heals falling in love with me and that he would "never" just dissapear:lmao::rolleyes:

I lost a long term partner who I lived with and had a life with and who I still cry over at times.

Oh, and two other guys I was REALLY into didn't work out.

 

THIS ALL HAPPENED WITHIN the past FIVE MONTHS!!!!

 

You have to CHOOSE to move on. I am a majorly caring person who was VERY UPSET over these guys.

They probably wouldn't p*ss on me if I were burning on the street! Besides my long term ex who I am close friends with still:lmao:

 

Wah. Boo hoo. They don't care about me anymore. What am I going to do about it? Well, CERTAINLY not sit here and wonder how they once felt and whether or not they will ... think of me or contact me again!

 

Come on, we get you're hurting, but you are focusing on your pain and thinking whether or not he has or ever had feelings for you, over and above seeking therapy an bettering yourself.

 

I know it sucks. Listen to sad music. Channel your pain into walking heaps, while u imagine him running into you when you look super sexy. DO ANYTHING but contact him or holding out ANY hope that he will ever talk to you again.

 

Therapy. Music. Focusing on the kids. Living well. New and old hobbies. Getting fitter.

 

Please do these things.

 

Give your kids a positive role model.

 

I get you're hurting, because I have been hurting too. We all have on here, basically.

 

We all choose to handle things differently to you though.

  • Author
Posted

Its not that i dont agree with some of your points.

 

I hate the fact that you all think im sitting around moping and thinking of him all day.

 

I have three children under 7; do any of you have any idea how much time i have to myself? After 7pm is the only time, until about 9 when im in bed as the kids are up at 5am.

 

I fill those 2 hours with music, piano, learning languages...im also learning to drive and am trying to get a placement so i can start my college course

 

Yes i do want us to try again as i think we both played it wrong. I hope that in a year or so we ught bump into each other and be able to talk...but im not putting my life on hold for it.

 

But all this "you can meet someone in the future" crap really annoys me.

 

Me and my children...we are a family and dont need a man to be complete.

 

I wasnt looking for a relationship when i met this guy and im not pining for one now either

  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

Hi, you'll only really get the situation if youve read my previous threads but basically; me and this older guy, had a really intense fling lasting just 6 weeks but after a couple of weeks we weere saying and feeling we loved each other, making plans to move in together etc until I panicked and started being a bitch, he ended things after a couple of weeks of crap from me, then spent the next few months 'confused' about his feelings, saying he loved me one minutr and the next wasnt sure, then I started turning up at his place once every week-two weeks trying to 'talk'...at this point he said he wanted nothing to do with me.

 

I'm on day 13 of nc so far.

 

Now the only thing thats bugging me, is this guy works in my children's school as a learninh support assistant. My children arent in his class, but I have been helping on the parent teacher association for a year and its coming to the time of year when I'm in school a lot with that.

 

Three times in the past week, I've had to go into the school office to hand in a letter, ask a qurstion about my child or that kind of thing, and everytime ive got close to the school entrance, I've seen him disappearing from the office quick smart; as if he's seen me coming and couldnt face seeing me..

 

There was also a time last week when i was in school for my daughter to get an award in assembly, as a group of us parents were walking down the corridor towards the school hall, hr came out of a class just in front of us and the parent in front of me stopped to ask him a question....so i scuttled past with my head down like an idiot.

 

Am I being stupid for feeling awkward when i encounter him in school and for being upset when I see him running out of a room to avoid me? He knows I wont talk to him so whats the issue?

 

I realise I did wrong but I just want him to treat me like any other parent so I dont feel so 'on the alert' when I have to go into school; especially as my eldest child will be in his class in a couple of years time.

 

I feel like he should be professional in school; am I being unreasonable?

 

And how do I sort this situation?

Posted

I think he IS being professional. Avoiding you because of your screwed up past interactions is not only professional, but simply common sense.

 

Please don't use this as an excuse to contact him.

 

Things between you and he are not normal, and never will be. The most appropriate way for him to engage with you in a school setting...is to do everything within his power to not have to.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...