Naive Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 Hi all. Some of you already know what happened on Friday but I just wanted to post this to get it out . I saw MM on Friday and we caught up in old times. We drove around for a while and the we went to eat. Afterwards we decided to go to a bar we ended up getting semi drunk. We started to talk about how things ended between us and why I decided to leave. There is still too much to it to put on here about what my reasons were. I don't even know how it happened but he kissed me and I admit I did nothing to stop it. If I would have let us we would have gone way farther, but I said no. We stayed together all night and talked until the wee hours. He asked me if I remember the last time we made love and I said yes, he remembered that was the first time he said "I love you" to me. I have to say I don't regret it NOW but I am sure later I will. For now I am going to enjoy life and when it ends, it ends. The worst thing is that I know it will end because of me. Well I just had to get this off my chest.
Patiently waiting Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 Are you guys back together now? Is he still with his wife? Any indication that he would now leave her for you now that he has been away from you so long and realizes what he has been missing. I just ended my relationship today. (again....). Read my thread on "MM's wife wants to have lunch and have me babysit their kids" Your input would be so appreciated as you have gone through the break up period....
Author Naive Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by Patiently waiting Are you guys back together now? No, we were never really "together" to begin with. Is he still with his wife? Actually, he told me that after I broke up with him he never got "back" with her. He said they tried to be civilized with each other but not even that works. I don't know if to believe this or not, until I don't see with my own hazel eyes I will not believe it!!! Any indication that he would now leave her for you now that he has been away from you so long and realizes what he has been missing. One of the reasons that I left him is because after he left her I felt real bad and my conscience was eating me alive, but on Friday he reassured me that when he left her it was not because of me but because they no longer felt the same. I think he is lying about her not feeling the same, I really think she still loves him. They have not gotten a divorce and to be honest I did not ask him if he is ever going to. I just ended my relationship today. (again....). Read my thread on "MM's wife wants to have lunch and have me babysit their kids" Your input would be so appreciated as you have gone through the break up period.... WOW!!! I'll read it now.
Patiently waiting Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 Thanks.... I only wish he would leave her......but it seems hopeless.....
Honesty Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 look naive-2001 you know what's right and whats wrong. u know what makes you happy and what does not. do whatever makes u happy because no one is going to stop and say ah poor girl she is not with the one she loves let's get him back for her. no u have to do it for yourself. both of u are doing something bad, yeah. but if he is willing to then obviously you should to. he is the one that has to make the decision to go behind his wife not u. let him deal with that part. you enjoy it because by thelooks of it he makes u happy. fu(k it if it's wrong, this world is not perfect neither are u
Owl Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by Honesty look naive-2001 you know what's right and whats wrong. u know what makes you happy and what does not. do whatever makes u happy because no one is going to stop and say ah poor girl she is not with the one she loves let's get him back for her. no u have to do it for yourself. both of u are doing something bad, yeah. but if he is willing to then obviously you should to. he is the one that has to make the decision to go behind his wife not u. let him deal with that part. you enjoy it because by thelooks of it he makes u happy. fu(k it if it's wrong, this world is not perfect neither are u So what you're saying is that if someone else decides to do something wrong, and you decide to do it too because it makes you feel good, it's ok? Some kinda reasoning there... Wow, so if someone decided to rob a bank, and I decided what the heck, I could use the money, there'd be nothing wrong with my joining in, and I shouldn't feel like I had any culpability in it??? puh-leez!!! Sorry Honesty...but we're all adults on this board as far as I know, with our own brains, and yes, our own hearts. That means we make our own choices...and contrary to what you may feel, we're responsible for our own choices. So, when someone tells someone "go ahead, you didn't make that choice, he did", I find it sad that they can feel like they've relinquished their own responsibility.
alphamale Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 well naive; that is great. live for the day cause tomorrow is never guaranteed for anyone.
Barby Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 My POV (as always) Okay I'm sure most who have read any of my responses to OW threads know I am against affairs w/MM or MW...but As of now you have no evidence if indeed he is with his wife (together together) or if indeed they are seperated so all you can do is just trust him if that's what you feel is right.... You are young and should go ahead and see this guy since he is someone who you love deeply and as far as you know he is seperated.... I know why you said you're holding back but I think you should give him a chance to try and help you or at least understand what you're dealing with.
fanou22 Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 Going back to having an affair with him will definitely patch up his marriage. I disagree with the previous posters who encourage to go back to MM. Going back will take you back to the emotional roller coaster Naive, you should definitely steer clear from him. If he gets divorced, then both of you are free to have a relationship. You are young for such an emotional roller coaster. Do not let him ruin your chances of finding your real love. It is understandable that you fell in love with him but time will heal your wounds and make you a stronger person.
Patiently waiting Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 I saw my MM today, he showed up at my house this morning after NC for a week. He had just stopped calling cause his wife was getting too close to finding out the truth about us. He gives me the excuse that he knew I needed help assembling my kids bikes as I had asked for his help a while back before I went and bought them. Today I told him, no don't need your help, already did it myself. And.....what are you doing here ???????? I thought you were finally letting me go!!!! Why did you come around again just as I was starting to try to move on? He said he didn't want me to think he was a jerk and that he flaked on me about the bikes. Poor excuse I believe. He asked how I was doing otherwise, told him fine. I then told him I had to go to work and I left. He took an alternate route to work (we work at the same place). So, later on today I got a call from a job prospect, one I have been working on for a while. They offered me the job. I told them I would call them tomorrow with my answer. I have been at my current job for over 14 years and although the new job is def. a growth opportunity and perfect timing for me, I am scared. By leaving, I sever all ties remaining with MM for real. Also, have friends that I know I will rarely see due to our schedules. I have been through a lot of hell at my job over the years and have a lot of baggage that I would just as soon forget, but I kinda liken it to a bad marriage, stay for the security, the "known" evils, and the known "good". Just this year I have left my husband, left my MM, sold my house, changed my kids school, and now am going to leave my job. I am not a risk taker, but my actions say differently it appears. I am just looking for what feels right to me. Hopefully when I find it I will finally be at peace with myself. After I got the call for the new job, I immed. thought of calling my MM as he was now on my mind from earlier in the day. He has seen me through a lot and he was the first one I thought of to tell and to seek advice and reassurance from. But I stopped myself, I knew it was a bad idea to call him. Just minutes after telling my girlfriend how I had refrained from contacting him, I get an e-mail. He wants to go on a walk to talk to me. I go...... I tell him I got the call......he wants to hear about it. I tell him I don't feel comfortable talking to him, that he is sucking me back in. He says "because we are talking about a job?" He just doesn't get it...or maybe he does and thinks I don't....... I ask why he hadn't called, then why he all of a sudden showed up after that time. He tells me that he knew I didn't want him to. I never said that.....what I did say was that I would tell his wife anything she wanted to know if she ever called to ask me about us. I also told him that I pretty much left my (already failing) marriage for him and that he should not contact me unless he was no longer married. Well, it's only been a week, he's still married..... I asked him again "what do you want from me". He says can't we still be friends. I tell him no, I need more than that, trying to be friends didn't work before, it won't work now. Even just seeing his car (and he has said seeing mine) in the parking garage at work still gives us a connection. This is a big reason I really need to leave my job also. I realize that I won't be able to release myself from him knowing he is one floor above me. He says we may as well be friends since we are connected anyway. Nope, I can't do it. Don't want to do it. It is just giving me false hope. He told me today he stays in a bad marriage because of his kids. They are the only commitment he has not F--d up in his life. The only thing he is proud of and can honestly be proud of without lying to others. So......he stays.......it redeems him somehow I suppose....... I need to get away from him......it's the only way..... Btw, the guy I met the other day at work who came over Fri night, hasn't called. Don't really care all that much....but still find it rude.......I guess we all have our issues. Maybe he will call, maybe he won't. Either way........I am gone as of December 31st. 2005 is my year to be alive (once again!) Sorry for babbling, just needed to talk about it.......
Author Naive Posted December 15, 2004 Author Posted December 15, 2004 I am happy for you. You should definitely take the job. If it helps to get him out of your life and if that's what you want go for it PW.
Honesty Posted December 21, 2004 Posted December 21, 2004 Originally posted by Owl So what you're saying is that if someone else decides to do something wrong, and you decide to do it too because it makes you feel good, it's ok? Some kinda reasoning there... Wow, so if someone decided to rob a bank, and I decided what the heck, I could use the money, there'd be nothing wrong with my joining in, and I shouldn't feel like I had any culpability in it??? puh-leez!!! of course there is something wrong with robbing a bank but in this case both of the people are commiting the same crime. if she goes for it she would not be as wrong as he is because she is not married. in this world you have to do what makes you happy because noone else is going to do it for you. if he is open to cheating on his wife she should nto care. if e makes her happy then by all means do what you gotta do. life is too short to worry about making other people happy Sorry Honesty...but we're all adults on this board as far as I know, with our own brains, and yes, our own hearts. That means we make our own choices...and contrary to what you may feel, we're responsible for our own choices. So, when someone tells someone "go ahead, you didn't make that choice, he did", I find it sad that they can feel like they've relinquished their own responsibility. im not saying she aint responsible i am saying that she is responsible in making her self happy only. the married guy is responsible in making himself and his wife happy. if he is not worried about his own wife why should sher?
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