Chris715 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 11 or so months since my break up and about a month of NC now but I keep digging myself deeper and deeper into a rut... Now it's impossible to climb out. Her breaking up with me is what sped up a downward spiral that I realize I had already started. I've been unhappy for most of the last 4 years since graduating high school. I met my ex girlfriend a couple years ago and she made me really happy for a time while I fell in love with her. She broke up with me last November, leaving me depressed, hopeless, and at times suicidal over the last year. My self esteem and confidence have been virtually zero this entire time, and as I result I've been unable to even come close to meeting someone new and dating. A couple of girls the past year have sparked my interest. One was simply not interested and the other I haven't asked out because of my self esteem issues (seriously why the **** would anyone want to be with me with all the sadness and problems I have weighing me down?) I'm failing all of my classes in college and hate my engineering major. I've been trying to go to class and get work done but I can't focus on the material and I don't find any of it interesting. I loved math and physics going into college (and still do) so I thought naturally I would like engineering, but nope. On top of that my dad's an engineer so my parents STRONGLY encouraged me to go for that in college, and they're paying for tuition so whatever they say pretty much goes. I've failed the last two semesters now, am failing a third currently and am probably going to drop all of my classes and drop/change my major because I see no other option at this point. Barely hanging onto a part time minimum wage job right now and on the verge of not being able to make ends meet because I'm moving out in a couple weeks and getting an apartment with some friends. So yeah, the rut gets deeper and deeper with no end in sight. If anyone has insight or words of advice it's welcome but I just needed to vent tonight. Feels like I'm gonna blow with all these negative emotions.
Outsider77 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 You need to get help for your depression before you ruin your life. You are only seeing the negatives and ignoring the positives. Focus on what you do have going for you. I'm sure there are lots of good things in your life that you don't even pay attention to. You are young and probably very intelligent. If you don't graduate college you'll have little chance of finding a decent job. There are plenty of careers/majors related to math and physics. You may even be interested in science. Find something that you think is interesting and change your major. Talk to your parents about how you feel and make sure you have already found other options for your major before you speak with them. If you waste your youth being miserable, you will later regret it. Do you want to end up being a middle-aged man working some **** job with never enough money, wishing every day that you had done something with your life? Get yourself a therapist right away. Things are not as bad as you think they are.
tgr172 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 [sIZE=3][FONT=Consolas]Hey Buddy I know where you are coming from. And I can offer a -plan that WILL work either in getting her interested again or getting yourself esteem back... There is no better revenge than living a good life. And that is so true. It won't work overnight but it will work. Do you want to win the battle or the war? Hope you said the war! Nothing impresses a girl more than a guy who has his act together, for you it would be picking yourself up powering through this funk you are in. And powering through the classes remember it's not just about the grades it's about being successful and together. I know you can pass and get that sheepskin and so do you so I am not saying anything that is a huge effort. The effort is to get motivated to do it... the motivation is to show her she made a mistake about you. You'll feel lonely and sad because she won't run back within the first few semesters but believe me she will start to think about you, remember we are looking at the war not the battle. Remind yourself every night at the library or in your room that this is the way to win... get pissed and say hell yea I'll show her. You'll have to tell yourself that almost hourly but it is the absolute undeniable truth. You ever see those movies where the bum is on the corner and they say a woman did that to him? Did you ever see the woman come running back to him because he became a bum? How about those movies where the guy gets dumped and he endured and achieved his goals and is looking at a good life? The girl always takes notice and reassesses. See what I'm talking about? Funny thing is that along the way other more alluring women see you too and now you know you have something going for you, feel better and now can decide whether you want her back or maybe someone else is who you really want. You will be in a position to do that. But you can't be there unless you dig in now and invest with the certainty that while missing her you are doing something to get her back or someone better. Keep reminding yourself of that. Next is get out get some sun and to be honest of someone in your emotional state yoga is the best workout because it incorporates a lot of mental training. Plus it is very social and mostly ladies who are extremely supportive. You need that. Then look around at what clothes hairstyles ect... are impressive. Not faddy but looks clean-cut and successful buy a few items at a time. Looks are a huge impression. You don't need to be popular or part of the cool crowd. you'll spend too much time trying to fit it. Don't need it. You need to immerse yourself into this plan. It's not a crapshoot it is 100% return. So If you don't feel motivated just doing school because it's what urn parents expect do it because you are going to show that girl that she made a mistake. Again probably have to hear about her seeing some guy or something but that's just temporary. You will pull her attention away and certainly attract a lot of other attention. DO it I promise it will work.[/FONT][/sIZE] 2
Mr Scorpio Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I have been where you are. I was enrolled in a major that I hated and failing classes because I was depressed over a woman. The bitter irony was that, although I eventually got her, I lost her because I didn't have my act together. She was ready for a house, a ring, and a family, and I couldn't provide those things because of my past mistakes. Point being that, for all you know, you could meet someone in a few years that blows your ex out of the water. Even if you don't, you'll be in a much better position to find happiness with a career behind you. Now, that isn't to say that you don't hate engineering. Maybe you should switch majors. But is that going to change anything? Will your school performance improve? Consider the idea that your career doesn't have to be something you are passionate about. Hobbies can supplement that.
JoelBarish Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Yeah about college. Don't waste time completing a degree that will lead you nowhere. Look at getting an Associates Degree in something you enjoy. Community colleges are cheaper and take less time.
keepontruckin Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 First off... Forget about women for a moment. They are secondary to your career path. You sound like you are unsure of your career path, and are having second thoughts about the schooling you are enrolled in. This is normal. Perhaps something more in the line of trades would be a better fit for you? You'd probably make more money in trades anyhow...
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