Brunettie Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 About a month and a half ago, I found out my boyfriend was sexting another girl . it was horrible to find out obviously. Shortly after, he had to go out of town for work for two weeks.during this time, he said he stopped talking to her. When he got back, he sincerely apologized and said b he was stupid. That he was lucky to have me and our wouldn't happen again. Fast forward a month ish. Saturday that girl friended him on Facebook. We were cuddling watching a movie, so I saw him accept the request. After the movie he could tell something was off So I asked what she wanted. He said nothing. That they've not talked since. That she's new in town and is going to the air force soon and might need someone to talk to about what to expect (he's in the military). Regardless I don't like it but he reassures me. Tonight I ask if she's messaged him. He says no. I ask if they ever met. He said he went to the restaurant she works at once. About a month ago. Around the same time he said he stopped talking to her. This upsets me. I leave the room and go into the living room to watch How I Met your mother. I pause it for a second to see if I'm on the right episode. It accidentally rewinds a few seconds. Ted ended up saying (twice) "kids, it took a really special woman to make me settle down and get married" at this he quickly comes in the room and stares at me. I'm kind of like, yes...? He thinks I rewound that on purpose. I didn't. I don't know how to work the xbox controller so it accidentally rewound. I then follow him into the room, crying, (I had explained) and said that I just wanted us have a nice night and it was ruined. He got angry at that and told me he's trying to comfort me but I won't just crop out and get over it. That made me really mad. Sorry It's been a month and it still acts to think tha boyfriend practically cheated on me. I don't know why I said all that. .. to vent i guess. but here's my main question. He says to only be maf at him. That it's 100% his fault. While I am mad at him, she's to blame too. knew he had a girlfriend. He says I'm thinking only with my emotions and not logically. Um... logically speaking it's both of their faults and I'm mad at her also. I do not like on the last that they are now Facebook friends. I feel like feeling her off hispage right now.
Leigh 87 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 This is going to sound harsh... It does take a special woman to get a guy to marry you; you're not it for him. Look... I'm sure he truly does like you a lot and you are special to him. The thing is, guys who are head over heals for a girl don't sext other girls. Even worse, he didn't cut her out for good after you found out. There is absolutely no way to get past this. You can't magically hope that his actions surely don't paint a certain reality. .. I know everything seems " amazing" with him, but you can't escape the fact that he sexted another girl. It is a sure sign that he doesn't feel it at that level with you. You are probably here looking for justifications as to why u should stay with him and "try to make things work".
crederer Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I've got three things to say: He didn't practically cheat on you, he did (with the texts). I found texts like that before and I was so crushed. It was my first LTR so I took her back but it didn't stop, despite her extreme amount of effort to prove she's changed, and it wont happen again, it was mistake, etc. It didn't stop for a single day! Secondly, how I met your mother? C'mon, terrible show. Third, he's right about how it's his fault, not hers. She's not in the relationship with him, you are. Direct your anger and emotion toward him, leave her out of it. But I seriously doubt these interactions are going to stop and they'll likely turn into a physical affair (assuming it isn't already).
Author Brunettie Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 You're really going to say that about my favorite show right now and kick me while I'm down? lol And ok... I seriously don't get how she's completely innocent in this despite her knowing about me.
2sunny Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 He shouldn't have accepted her FB request. He is STILL disrespecting you. 1
snowflakes88 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 She has no obligation to you at all. This guy has treated you like total crap over and over and over and over and over again. Yet you suck it up and you stay. If you can forgive him for all of the ways he has disrespected you (and continues to disrespect you, really), why are you so angry with her? This man has 0 respect for you. None.
2sunny Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Same guy that's on match right? He's a total douche! Why do you stay? Think more of yourself and leave the cheater!
fujidabruin Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Whether you feel you are thinking and acting righteously or not, this situation sounds very unhappy and no one is being fulfilled here. Unless there is something I am missing here..... NO trust + lack of RESPECT ----> time to break off + NC
Assasda Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 As a guy, I can say that sexting someone and being with someone is not like cheating. The guy probably wanted to see some ass and titties. What is disappointing, and taking it to another level is him becoming FB friends with her. That is not cool at all. Tell him that you dont feel comfortable with that girl being his FB friend
Zahara Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 (edited) And ok... I seriously don't get how she's completely innocent in this despite her knowing about me. Who cares if she's innocent or not? You're excusing the perpertrator. If you're going to do that, then leave her out of it. You want to excuse his behavior yet question hers? I think no matter how many times people tell you he's a scumbag, you're still going to twist yourself into a pretzel for this man. If you have excused sexting, which is cheating, and continue to stay in this mess, it's time you accept your fate in this relationship instead of complaining about it. Edited October 15, 2013 by Zahara
deathandtaxes Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 As a guy, I can say that sexting someone and being with someone is not like cheating. The guy probably wanted to see some ass and titties. What is disappointing, and taking it to another level is him becoming FB friends with her. That is not cool at all. Tell him that you dont feel comfortable with that girl being his FB friend Foul. While sexting might not necessarily be physical or emotional cheating, it is a breach of trust and outside the normal accepted behavior that one engages in while in a committed relationship. OP - why are you with this guy?
mammasita Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 This has absolutely nothing to do with this other chick and everything to do with your boyfriend who should be your ex at this point. He has no respect for you or your feelings. 1
snowflakes88 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 If you have excused sexting, which is cheating, and continue to stay in this mess, it's time you accept your fate in this relationship instead of complaining about it. This is true. At some point, you relinquish the right to complain. If you choose to stay in a situation where you're treated poorly, you have to suck it up and live with your choice. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Very bad sign. The fact that they are in contact on Facebook means he's still putting his own desires above yours. He's a major douche canoe for doing this and then getting upset when you don't like it. I know he tells you that they only met once, but do you really believe that? How did you find out about the sexting initially? I'm guessing he didn't have a guilty conscience and just offer up that material. He's demonstrated that he isn't trustworthy. Why do you want to be with him? 1
mercuryshadow Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Brunettie, I speak from experience that this is only going to continue. He knows now that he can get away with these things, and still have his cake and eat it too. It may take you years, like it did me, to realize this, but I hope you at least see a pattern here. IME, putting my foot down only meant that my ex would have to find better ways to cover his tracks. Again and again, I set MYSELF up for a world of disappointment when I'd continuously find that he was lying to me. I kept myself in the same role you are keeping yourself in. I lost a big part of my sanity, too, and it took a long time to come back to who I truly am. This relationship is damaging you. You may not know better yet, but no one in a loving, committed relationship should be walking around with so much anxiety. A friend of mine is going through the same thing. I realize that no amount of tough love is going to help, though. It's something she has to realize on her own, but I will still give advice when she asks for it, or be there to listen when she needs to vent. I was there, so I understand how deluded one becomes. I really hope things change for the better for you, but it's something you're going to have to put into motion on your own.
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 About a month and a half ago, I found out my boyfriend was sexting another girl . it was horrible to find out obviously. Shortly after, he had to go out of town for work for two weeks.during this time, he said he stopped talking to her. When he got back, he sincerely apologized and said b he was stupid. That he was lucky to have me and our wouldn't happen again. Fast forward a month ish. Saturday that girl friended him on Facebook. We were cuddling watching a movie, so I saw him accept the request. After the movie he could tell something was off So I asked what she wanted. He said nothing. That they've not talked since. That she's new in town and is going to the air force soon and might need someone to talk to about what to expect (he's in the military). Regardless I don't like it but he reassures me. Tonight I ask if she's messaged him. He says no. I ask if they ever met. He said he went to the restaurant she works at once. About a month ago. Around the same time he said he stopped talking to her. This upsets me. I leave the room and go into the living room to watch How I Met your mother. I pause it for a second to see if I'm on the right episode. It accidentally rewinds a few seconds. Ted ended up saying (twice) "kids, it took a really special woman to make me settle down and get married" at this he quickly comes in the room and stares at me. I'm kind of like, yes...? He thinks I rewound that on purpose. I didn't. I don't know how to work the xbox controller so it accidentally rewound. I then follow him into the room, crying, (I had explained) and said that I just wanted us have a nice night and it was ruined. He got angry at that and told me he's trying to comfort me but I won't just crop out and get over it. That made me really mad. Sorry It's been a month and it still acts to think tha boyfriend practically cheated on me. I don't know why I said all that. .. to vent i guess. but here's my main question. He says to only be maf at him. That it's 100% his fault. While I am mad at him, she's to blame too. knew he had a girlfriend. He says I'm thinking only with my emotions and not logically. Um... logically speaking it's both of their faults and I'm mad at her also. I do not like on the last that they are now Facebook friends. I feel like feeling her off hispage right now. Do you realize how manipulative this whole event you described was? You were mad at him for something...RIGHTFULLY so...in fact, I can't believe you're still with him, but we won't go there right now. Anyways, you were justifiably, understandably upset and uncomfortable, and it took him a whole ten minutes to find a way to turn it around on YOU. Then you're the one crying and doing the "explaining?" For rewinding a fricken' TV SHOW??!!?! Ludicrous! Come on! Snap out of it. Not only are you being cheated on (YES, his behaviour is cheating), you're being gaslighted. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 He has all the power in this relationship. It's sad to watch.
Leigh 87 Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 Holy crap. I read her past threads. He came forward and volunteered this information - he doesn't think about her or miss her when he isn't with her - he said he will go on match.com online dating whenever he feels like it, it is what it is, and he never gave her an apology; he said he can't promise that he won't go online again if they had another rough patch. SERIOUSLY. It really is astounding how much the OP is projecting HER feelings onto a guy who has shown her EVERY SIGN that he is not crazy into her. I actually find it highly....... amusing to read about women like Brunettie, who stay with a guy who does these things. It truly fascinates me why so many women, including myself not so long ago, CHOOSE... OPT to stay with such men who are CLEARLY not all that into us and are not head over heals for us. Guys who are crazy into you will NOT go online dating or sext other women. Ever. At all. Never ever. 1
ConstantVoyager Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 "Cheating" is a relationship-specific concept. In my relationship, sexting would definitely be considered cheating. Drop this guy.
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