mbee Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I have reached my breaking point with the guy I'm seeing. Originally folks suggested he may just be in this for casual sex (we did not have sex) but since then we did end up going on a date to the zoo. He introduced me to his mom (she gave me a gift, told me she's heard so much about me and saw a picture of me) and his friends. We also had a very lengthy discussion about what he wants and "us", with him declaring that we will be exclusive and monogamous and professed he was falling in love. However, it's been less than 2 weeks since the following happened. 1. He basically told me he likes sitting at home and watching TV, and wont plan much but I'm welcome to invite him out?! (When we first started seeing each other he did plan stuff and was excited to go out and do things) 2. He's been rude about a few things, but apologized sincerely. (he used to be very careful about his words and their impact on me) 3. He's stopped doing nice things for me. During the first month and a half he did so many romantic things for me that were so thoughtful and simple. Now he doesn't do any of that. 4. I've done some thoughtful things for him, and he doesn't seem grateful. In the past he was thankful, sending sweet texts, etc. 5. He's been contacting me less. We went from everyday, enthusiastic contacting to every other day, with him sounding distant. 6. I've asked to come over and he's declined. In the past, he'd write me reassuring messages about how he wishes I could come over but he has to sleep soon or something like that. But now he doesn't even do that. He just ignores my request or says something vague like "sorry I missed your text." We are neighbors so I find it odd that we can go 5 days without seeing each other. The change began after I told him that I really liked him. Again, we haven't had sex but perhaps he doesn't feel the need to chase me anymore. We are neighbors and he lives in the apartment across from me. This started as a close friendship and I know he's been suffering from depression and has a hard time making friends (he's new in the area). I don't want to completely cut him out of my life. He's a good friend and I'm cool with just hanging out, but romantically, when everything is great, it's amazing, but he's already doing things that show me he would take me for granted if we were in a relationship, might not like going out and having fun and may not show enthusiasm to even being with me. I can also tell he's very insecure around me and I can be understanding and accept that, but I know that no matter how much I feel we connect, he can't possibly be good boyfriend material for any woman until he works on his issues. Should I still stay friends with him? I do want that since that's how this began. I've also stopped replying to his distant texts. I'm not ignoring him, just frustrated with the one-sided conversations. What do you think of nice random gestures? I'm big on giving friends random gifts. He's had a really terrible week with work and has been stressed out. I found out I have to bake for a potluck tomorrow and was planning to leave a few cookies for him by his door with a brief note, but not sure if that's okay. I would do this for ANY friend and will be doing this for multiple people. Just not sure if it's a bad idea with him? I am fairly confident in my decision. It has been a stressful week for him and he did admit he was falling for me which makes me want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but do you guys agree it's best to just let it go?
crederer Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 It's hard to judge based on the info given. I mean if we heard his side of things I have a feeling it'd be a little different take on it. Relationships tend to lose that lustre after time. I mean really, I don't think there are many relationships at all that either partner puts in as much effort to try to "lure" the other person. I didn't catch how long youve been together, but since you have not had sex yet I'm assuming not very long. All that being said it sounds like you've already made up your mind and delaying it will only make things messier. I've never broken up with a woman until after I was truly over it. If I even had to question the relationship a little bit, it meant that there was still something good there and I'm personally not one to break up on a whim. It wasn't until I said to myself "ok, this thing has got to end". I'd hate to break up with someone then regret it.
Author mbee Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 It's hard to judge based on the info given. I mean if we heard his side of things I have a feeling it'd be a little different take on it. Relationships tend to lose that lustre after time. I mean really, I don't think there are many relationships at all that either partner puts in as much effort to try to "lure" the other person. I didn't catch how long youve been together, but since you have not had sex yet I'm assuming not very long. All that being said it sounds like you've already made up your mind and delaying it will only make things messier. I've never broken up with a woman until after I was truly over it. If I even had to question the relationship a little bit, it meant that there was still something good there and I'm personally not one to break up on a whim. It wasn't until I said to myself "ok, this thing has got to end". I'd hate to break up with someone then regret it. We've been together for a couple of months. No we haven't had sex. We've been physically intimate but that's about it. I haven't completely made up my mind yet, honestly. I think what we have is all over the place. And it's hard to know what's going on. If it was consistent for a few weeks, I wouldn't feel this way but he blows hot and then cold. I'm just tired of feeling like this guy really likes me and then getting the vibe that he's ignoring me. It's not about insecurity or clingyness either. We text every other day now, and it's pretty balanced. We only see each other 2-3 times a week and he lives 5 steps away from me. I am honestly falling for him and I feel like I can't even enjoy it with all this back and forth. For a week I'm into it and then the next week he's backing off and acting distant. I just don't feel this is normal in the beginnings of a relationship?
todreaminblue Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 i would do the random gift thing and not leave my name on the note...you want to do it so just dont take credit just write the note.... cookies for you but you must smile to pay for them....then sign it thanks for the smile the cookies are now yours.....and dont sign your name...doing something random to me is no credit......no recognition just do it..he will know who they are from probably....sounds sweet and thoughtful which is your style obviously .....for even thinking about leaving cookies for him... so do it girl...smilin atcha.. hang in there....often when you see peoples flaws that is the best time to truly know them...they arent hiding anything......being open...so hang in there and see how it goes....i actually believe if someone seems perfect for a relationship ....they usually arent..because you havent seen their flaws yet....that can be a bit off putting when you invest time and effort and go hey...you were like this or that and now you suuuuuck....smilin... everybody sucks and sooner or later they show it, doesnt mean they are like it all the time just means they are human and not from another planet...you know which one, the one that sounds like ass.......... and if you get to see the flaws you know what it is that you have to deal with...........can you deal with them????... i beleive in knowing someone as a friend before actively dating so i get to see them melt down they get to see my melt downs and coping skills..i hardly ever get it wrong as far as what i can deal with ....even though i think they suck my feelings for them dont change always a good sign if i see the sod side and my feelings dont change, means i can deal with it.......have your feelings really changed or are you just confused about his feelings.........deb 1
Author mbee Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 i would do the random gift thing and not leave my name on the note...you want to do it so just dont take credit just write the note.... cookies for you but you must smile to pay for them....then sign it thanks for the smile the cookies are now yours.....and dont sign your name...doing something random to me is no credit......no recognition just do it..he will know who they are from probably....sounds sweet and thoughtful which is your style obviously .....for even thinking about leaving cookies for him... so do it girl...smilin atcha.. hang in there....often when you see peoples flaws that is the best time to truly know them...they arent hiding anything......being open...so hang in there and see how it goes....i actually believe if someone seems perfect for a relationship ....they usually arent..because you havent seen their flaws yet....that can be a bit off putting when you invest time and effort and go hey...you were like this or that and now you suuuuuck....smilin... everybody sucks and sooner or later they show it, doesnt mean they are like it all the time just means they are human and not from another planet...you know which one, the one that sounds like ass.......... and if you get to see the flaws you know what it is that you have to deal with...........can you deal with them????... i beleive in knowing someone as a friend before actively dating so i get to see them melt down they get to see my melt downs and coping skills..i hardly ever get it wrong as far as what i can deal with ....even though i think they suck my feelings for them dont change always a good sign if i see the sod side and my feelings dont change, means i can deal with it.......have your feelings really changed or are you just confused about his feelings.........deb A lovely response. Gives me something to think about for sure. 1
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