thecharade Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I am not exactly sure what to expect or what is normal. I know there are many types of As and many personalities involved, but two years after the end or five years out, how do most people feel about their exAPs if they felt strongly attached and in love during the A? And is it different if we are married OPs or single OPs? I don't trust what waywards say to their BSs because many (not all) will lie about their remaining feelings or lack thereof. But for people whose As are over, how do you feel now? I am one year out and feel pretty clear, more good days than bad. And I definitely lost respect for my exMM during the A. His weakness in dealing with his M and even me was unattractive. I have no desire to restart with him. No way. But the love is still there even though I've been working on my M. Will the love go? When? And what will take its place? 1
MuddyFootprints Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Does the love need to go? If that door is locked and the key has been thrown away, isn't it ok to retain your feelings of fondness instead of filling the space with resentment and regret? Moving on with love. What is so bad about that?
hollyhillcourt Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Short answer: as a confused, lonely, lost man that I hope will one day be happy. I hope that for him and his BS. My hope for myself is that I find a man who is worthy of me. Who values me and my introspection of my flaws, my strength, AND my journey to here. 2
SunshineToday Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I posted this (kind of) in another thread but anyhow, When I think of my ex AP, I feel shame, guilt, disgust and ickyness. I shudder to think that he might think I remember him & time spent with him in any "good" way. I never would have left my husband for him, I just wanted (and got sucked in to) the excitement and attention. I felt I deserved that. I even told him I loved him when I knew I didn't. I'm sure he still thinks I did. I feel no love and no fondness. Just kind of gross. Which makes me hardly ever think about it.
missy268 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 (edited) When I think of my ex AP I feel sick, I feel disgust and I also feel so mad at myself for thinking half of the things i thought back then! How could i have been so daft....Oh yeah because i loved him and i think part of me still does and always will I saw a photo of him the other day on facebook - a friend of ours tagged him with his new girlfriend (the girl who he cheated on me with and him split up, but instead of beginning a r/ship with me as planned he went out and met somebody new!) and I didn't recognise himm, he's not who i knew and I guess we had our time and our secret! Nearly 7 months out - I still cry somtimes, he was a really close friend so i feel like im mourning the friendship more than the physical side of things! But it will be okay it is okay and one day i will meet somebody else who is not attached lol x Edited October 15, 2013 by missy268
loveofhorses1970 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I hope to eventually not think of him at all. I'm ashamed of what we were...disgusted at whom I thought he was but he wasn't ...wish it had never happened and I had never met him. And on a side note, I'm generally disappointed when a liar's pants do not actually catch on fire 4
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