Pod81 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 So, I met this girl about 14 months ago on OKC and she has made it clear to me that she is very interested in me - even after all this time. We constantly flirt with each other and talk quite regularly. Here's the problem that makes me hesitant to date her.... I suspect that she's got "grass is greener" syndrome because... 1) About 2 years ago, she ended her last relationship of 4 years because she wanted to move to the US from halfway across the world to pursue her passion in dance (she's in the health care field by education). It was either that or marry the guy. 2) She has made it clear to me that she does not want to settle down and live a "routine" life. By that, I mean coming home everyday after working a regular 9-5 job. 3) She has an almost insatiable thirst for adventure - meaning to travel the world. Kinda like Polly from the movie "Along Came Polly". 4) She admitted that she is living that "selfish" lifestyle (doing what she wants to do, going where she wants to go) and has issues with making sacrifices for other people. In the past couple months, she is JUST starting to realize that maybe she cannot sustain this kind of lifestyle. I've told her before that I would date her as long as she gets over this phase in her life. My questions to you are.... 1) How long does it take for a person like this to come back down to Earth? 2) When that does happen and if we give it a shot in the future, what's the likelihood of this working out? 3) Am I wrong for giving her false hope? I almost feel as if she might be waiting for me. She has a bunch of qualities that I look for in a girl and I DO like her, but this GIGS thing is a deal-breaker for me!
Assasda Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 You over think too much. DAMN. Superthinking. First of all dont think. Your questions are too clairvoyant, for anyone to really answer
SugarLips72 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I think it's obvious this woman is a free spirit who liked a little bit of an untraditional lifestyle. It does not appear age is ready to settle down any time soon. Do you intend in dropping everything and being on the go with her?
crederer Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 No GIGS is when a girl breaks up for you for basically no reason (no real reason, anyways) in hopes of finding someone "better" that will be more satisfying for them. This simply sounds like there are issues with your current situations that really have nothing to do with you but many other reasons. 2
todreaminblue Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 if someoen truly loves adn cares for someone they sacrifice .....if she has an insatiable thirst for travel you have to find out if that thirst is not as great as an insatiable thirst to be with you.....so sit down share a drink and talk....thats my advice...only she knows what she wants more....the travel bug or you..ps two straws is always cute....and you need to decide woudl you sacrifice an occasional holiday or journey now and again.....as a compromise maybe.....good luck happy slurpin'(drinks i mean).....deb
Author Pod81 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 I think it's obvious this woman is a free spirit who liked a little bit of an untraditional lifestyle. It does not appear age is ready to settle down any time soon. Do you intend in dropping everything and being on the go with her? I'm in a career that won't allow me to drop everything and being on the go with her. Guess I'll have to stick with the fact that I can't be with her now...or perhaps ever. It's just so frustrating when you have feelings for someone but you know it can't work logistically. Not to mention also that the other person seems so wonderful minus one major flaw.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 It sounds like she just likes fun flirty talk with you on the internet. For all you know this woman could be a housewife telling you about the life she wishes she had and talking dirty in a way her husband won't.
salparadise Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 So you've been flirting and carrying on for 14 months on okc - but have you actually met her? Do you talk to her on the phone? If not, then I'd suggest that you determine if there is any real attraction or if you're just feeling invested due to 14 months of flirtatious fantasizing. Some women have restless spirits and need to be tantalized by something new and different all the time. They have difficulty valuing what is - always seeking the next revelation, making a change that will lead them to 42. The ethereal beyond the horizon takes precedence over the firm ground beneath their feet. It's like the present is already the past, and nothing is more important than the next thing. This seeking mindset usually characterizes their relationships as well. They're never satisfied for long. Don't ask me how I know so much about this.
Author Pod81 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Has she been ASKING you to start dating her, or just mentioning that it would be fun to get together for dinner and spend some time face to face? It's pretty clear that she doesn't want anything more than that because she's gone to great lengths to let you know how she DOESN'T want a relationship or to be tied down by a conventional boyfriend/girlfriend situation. I don't think you're giving her 'false hope' at all. She's enjoying a flirtation with you, and the last thing she's looking to do is to get her towels mongrammed with hers and your initials. Jeez. She hasn't asked me outright but it's definitely more than just fun flirting. When I told her the first time that I couldn't date her, she cried and was upset with me for a few weeks before we started talking again. Also, she's recently told me that she "keeps wanting to be with me." She's just in a situation where she kinda wants to have her cake and eat it too - to be in a serious relationship but at the same time, fulfill her sense of adventure without needing to sacrifice much. To me, this just seems like wishful thinking.
Author Pod81 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 So you've been flirting and carrying on for 14 months on okc - but have you actually met her? Do you talk to her on the phone? If not, then I'd suggest that you determine if there is any real attraction or if you're just feeling invested due to 14 months of flirtatious fantasizing. Some women have restless spirits and need to be tantalized by something new and different all the time. They have difficulty valuing what is - always seeking the next revelation, making a change that will lead them to 42. The ethereal beyond the horizon takes precedence over the firm ground beneath their feet. It's like the present is already the past, and nothing is more important than the next thing. This seeking mindset usually characterizes their relationships as well. They're never satisfied for long. Don't ask me how I know so much about this. I've met her a bunch of times and talk on the phone a few times a week. When I first met her, we were dating for about 2 months but never became boyfriend/girlfriend because of these issues that concerned me. And yes, I kind of sense all that from her - how she's just looking for her next big adventure. For a while, she's kept an online blog listing daily things that she's grateful for, so it's pretty apparent she's trying to appreciate the present more than the future. The break-up that brought me to LS involved a commitment-phobe so you could imagine why I'm very hesitant about all this.
soccerrprp Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 So, I met this girl about 14 months ago on OKC and she has made it clear to me that she is very interested in me - even after all this time. We constantly flirt with each other and talk quite regularly. Here's the problem that makes me hesitant to date her.... I suspect that she's got "grass is greener" syndrome because... 1) About 2 years ago, she ended her last relationship of 4 years because she wanted to move to the US from halfway across the world to pursue her passion in dance (she's in the health care field by education). It was either that or marry the guy. 2) She has made it clear to me that she does not want to settle down and live a "routine" life. By that, I mean coming home everyday after working a regular 9-5 job. 3) She has an almost insatiable thirst for adventure - meaning to travel the world. Kinda like Polly from the movie "Along Came Polly". 4) She admitted that she is living that "selfish" lifestyle (doing what she wants to do, going where she wants to go) and has issues with making sacrifices for other people. In the past couple months, she is JUST starting to realize that maybe she cannot sustain this kind of lifestyle. I've told her before that I would date her as long as she gets over this phase in her life. My questions to you are.... 1) How long does it take for a person like this to come back down to Earth? Her lust for adventure is how some people are. She is down to earth if she is doing what it takes, responsibly, to live such a lifestyle. You may not be compatible. 2) When that does happen and if we give it a shot in the future, what's the likelihood of this working out? See #1. 3) Am I wrong for giving her false hope? I almost feel as if she might be waiting for me. She has a bunch of qualities that I look for in a girl and I DO like her, but this GIGS thing is a deal-breaker for me! I don't necessarily see GIGS here. I see someone that is looking for someone who will conform to her lifestyle, hopes of the future. She's told you what she wants. Are you willing to accommodate? I told my gf that I wanted to travel, not make our lives redundant and provincial. Thank goodness she feels the same. Good luck.
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