mikejensen3355 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I dated her for a year and absolutely fell in love with her and her 2 kids, 3 and 6 years old. If it was just her I had to get over, I could do it. But how do you get over her and 2 little kids that you loved like your own, took to school, took to the park, took on trips, put to bed at night, provided for, had the most amazing fun with. We'd have the most amazing fun as a family, before she ended up leaving me for someone else. But I loved her kids and they loved me and I'll never see them again. I could end up finding a great girl in months. But I may not have that experience with kids for years and years. I don't even know if any kids will ever be like them. If there is a God, I want no part of his "paradise" or "kingdom". How he could reward her actions by giving her a new man and those amazing kids to be happy with and **** all over me for making those 3 my world is beyond me. And I don't even have it as bad as the millions who suffer with diseases and handicaps and all the horrible things out there in this world. OK I'm getting side-tracked. But I just don't see how I'm going to get past this. I don't get excited or look forward to anything anymore. If I'm not in intense pain, I'm just a zombie. I exercise, I've been meeting new people, I've been volunteering, I've been hanging with friends, visited family, I've been filling up all of my time. But ultimately I'm just a completely broken man. I'm completely empty. I have nothing left anymore to offer a potential lover, friends, family members, anybody. The world is a cruel and dark place. I've never seen that before with the clarity I do now.
petall Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Your feelings are very very normal. I felt so bad I wanted to kill myself, something which is completely alien to me as normally a strong, confident woman. But that's what break-ups do. You are going on the right path and having the right attitude, doing all the activities you are doing. Just keep busy, follow no contact stictly, and realise it's totally alright to grieve. I am still processing things 4 months in. Just look after yourself, and slowly it will get a bit better day by day. 1
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 What makes you immune from the same heart break EVERYONE will endure at least once in life? There have been millions of heart broken people before you, there will be millions after you. People heal and find love again. That's a FACT. You're lost in feelings now. hard to see the facts in that dark place, I know. But, this too shall pass. You won't die, you'll hurt. but only suffer if you allow it. Cut ties...and save your sanity. You will heal, promise.
kayjay85 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 i have to tell you that 4 months ago i didnt think id live after my relationship of 4 years ended. I was a mess and very close to not wanting to live. My mum was ready to hospitalise me. I didnt think id ever move on but i have. Its very hard i know it is mentally and physically challenging. but i got over it in my own way and in my own time. Yes four months might seem very quick after a four year relationship but who says when is the right amount of time to get over it. All i know is ive been very very low and i never want to be there again i realised my life was so much more important. Seeing my ex put pics up on facebook with the new girlfriend broke my heart. him being nasty and mean broke my heart but it also gave me the kick i needed. I realised he didnt love me no more and i was just punishing myself. I still havent dated but ive been talking to other men and its realy helped just take my mind off things. my ex got in contact with me and i told him im over him. he wasnt very happy because guess what he probably couldnt believe it after the way i was. so sorry to ramble but guess what you will get over it in time. your time not any body else time. you will get through it its tough i wont lie it was the hardest thing ive been through but your life is more important than any person who left you. please please please just give it time. i know every body say it but keep yourself busy. 1
reddragon588 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Forming attitude is one of the most important catalysts for change. If you hold the attitude that you'll never be able to move on, well... you won't move on. If you want and believe that you'll move on, then you will. It won't be easy and it's going to take time, but if you want and believe, it will eventually happen.
lookingforbalance Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I had to give up her two girls as well, the 5 year old had no father around, so I took that role happily, and when she left for someone else, I was told I wasn't allowed to see either one of the girls "because it will just mess with my life". Heartbreaking, and no thought about my feelings, or her daughters. Only thinking of herself and her wants and "needs". Its very sad, but it is her right to make that choice. Doesn't help the hurt, just have to find the courage to move on. Good luck my brother.
todreaminblue Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 this is the exact reason why when i eventually do have someone in my life it is going to be permanent...i cant imagine asking someone to go ......and have them be a member of my family and then break it up again, my girls have been through enough.........i have nto introduced dates i have had for this reason....unless i know in my heart that guy is forever...i woudl not let such a hurtful situation arise ....for my girls and for the guys sake as well...it would be horrible...not soemthing i would ever want or as family we need to go through...been there it sucks and that was with their father not repeating....... i dont understand how someoen who becomes part of the family gets turfed....i cant do it....wouldnt do it.....the only way is if they chose to leave and that is their choice to make..deb
lollipopspot Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 As for kids, I'm sure that you would love your OWN kids 100x more than hers. I don't know about this. I also don't like the clannishness of your sentiment. If his heart was open to those kids, he felt like they were his "own kids." If you're talking about DNA, well, adopted kids don't share DNA and I'm sure that they're loved as much as bio kids.
sambo77 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Hey Mike, Your post really resonates with me. I'm going through the exact same thing. My ex had 3 kids, 6, 5, and 1...I have one of my own too...he's 5. It really seemed like she wanted us to be a family and we quickly created a whole new "dream" to pursue. I'm not sure what happened. She suddenly just didn't want that anymore and moved on to look for other guys. It was like I (and my son too) was a temporary "plug in" member of their family...so that she didn't have to face the void left by her ex husband abandoning them. As soon as she stabilised...I was gone. I too grew to love them all...and opened up my heart to them. I too don't understand the senselessness of this type of suffering. It isn't the suffering itself that bothers me. It just seems like such a "randomly" cruel fate. Mike...I'm not surprised nothing has any joy in it right now. I am in the same boat. I'd rather just go to bed at night and never wake up. The only thing that keeps me going is my son. We have lost "hope." It's like the flame of hope has been snuffed out inside of us and when humans experience that I think they lose the will to live to some extent. When you feel like you have nothing to live "for" (i.e., those hopes and dreams have vanished) you really do live in an empty, senseless vacuum for a while. What we need is fresh hope...and the shoots of fresh hope eventually spring up if you give them some time and keep living. Your life will be full of meaning again one day...and you may well lose the next thing you are hoping for in your life too...but the thing about hope is you can't keep it down...just like snowdrops, it'll sprout again if you just wait it out. And when it does, you'll find that your life ain't so bad anymore. For now, I'd say just sit in your misery. Don't "try" to force the misery away. You can't. Don't "try" to pretend you're not miserable by doing all the things you'd do if you were happy. You're not happy. I'm not happy. We're suffering. Why should we avoid that fact? Listen to your misery and be with it. For me, that means sitting alone a lot, crying sometimes, feeling the pain, withdrawing myself from happy stuff and surfing the misery wave. I'll do happy stuff when I'm ready to do happy stuff...and I'll know when I'm ready.
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