Col1 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 There are stories about runaway brides and grooms who don't show-up at the wedding. However, these instances are the headline grabers but happen seldomly. On the other side of this issue are couples who force the marriage even though one or both may have doubts inside: Do you think that some couples who get engaged walk on eggshells? They are so excited with the attention they get, and they are extremely busy with planning the wedding & honeymooon. However, they ignore some important relationship issues that may arise before and during the engagement?
crederer Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Ya I think a lot of people get caught up in the idea of marriage more so than the marriage itself. Mostly women, the majority of guys I know didn't seem all that thrilled to be getting married in the first place. If you look at facebook posts of people that are getting married, it's always the woman blasting how excited she is and the guy never says anything about it. 1
Phantom888 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Yes people have doubts during engagements. People break up during engagements too. It's wise to give time to understand each other, and the goals you have. There is a time to be romantic, but when it comes to marriage, you both have to be practical as well. Take time to talk about money, budgets, kids, and all future stuff. If you have doubts at your wedding, then you are not ready. It's too bad people have doubts at that point. Out of the 5 couples I know who had some doubts during their engagement, ALL (100%) ended in divorce within 5 years. Yes the sample is small, but my point is if you don't feel 100% confident before your marriage, things will just go downhill from there on.
Author Col1 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 (edited) Just to clarify the OP: by "walking on eggshells:" I meant that the engaged couple don't bring up potential relationship issues (major issues - like one being emotionally withdrawn at times or passive-aggressiveness) so they don't spoil the big event coming up. Edited October 15, 2013 by Col1
nescafe1982 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 If you look at facebook posts of people that are getting married, it's always the woman blasting how excited she is and the guy never says anything about it. This resembles my FB. The only people more obnoxious are new parents. Women are also brutal to one another about getting married, like it's some kind of status symbol or we're all playing a video game: "achievement unlocked." Seriously, I'm 30 and unmarried (but not unattached), and I've been snubbed by friends who felt their "improved" status as half of a marriage made me an unsuitable peer (but you know, I'm not bitter about it at all.)
crederer Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 This resembles my FB. The only people more obnoxious are new parents. Women are also brutal to one another about getting married, like it's some kind of status symbol or we're all playing a video game: "achievement unlocked." Seriously, I'm 30 and unmarried (but not unattached), and I've been snubbed by friends who felt their "improved" status as half of a marriage made me an unsuitable peer (but you know, I'm not bitter about it at all.) I know what you're saying. I can't even tell you how many times I've heard women say things like "when are we getting married? All of my friends/sisters are married and I feel like I'm just stuck as your gf". Like...what? Those are terrible reasons to get married. More concerned about how it looks and how people may perceive you than you are about doing it for the right reasons.
Author Col1 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Then there are engaged partners who think their partner will change once they are married. The early engagement period could be private. No one knows but the couple. There is no pressure to proceed if major issues arise. Probably should not marry anyone until you've had a major disagreement. How do they handle it? Do they act immature? Do they look for a win-win situation? Do they compromise? Do they give in too easily (and act bitter)? Do they not care? Are they kitchen-sink fighters that re-hash everything from the past? Do they hold their tongue for weeks and then throw everything at you all at once? Do they threaten? (two couples that threaten and cuss each other out may be perfect for one another... just saying!)
todreaminblue Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 (edited) dont know if this is true or not......havent actually been to a wedding or involved with a wedding other than my aunts when i was like six......they are still together as far as i know...she was very excited......they have two children....and it was my uncles second marriage.....he was excited too.....my best friends were married but arent now.......and they both have children......infidelity killed their marriages when i hear of people marrying i dont think oh this is going to end they are too excited...i just feel happy for them..a say yay in mhead and send a prayer for joy fro them...other than that.....as far as me marrying for me to marry soemone i would have to love them......flaws and all...i would like to know their flaws before i marry them...and for them to know mine i would be forthcoming on my flaws..no surprises..extremely open...marriage shouldnt end......its an eternal principal and one that needs to be honored by commitment to the vows said in front of god and those who love you...so i dont think marriage is a hey lets get married thing because others marry and i want to try it....dont know anyone who would go into it that way ..if they do....then that isnt good, doesnt suggest longevity ....maybe i am old fashined...hang that maybe ...i am old fashioned....marriage istn light hearted its work and effort and exists to go on always after the honeymoon is over......deb Edited October 15, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author Col1 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 (edited) marriage istn light hearted its work and effort I agree with this part. That a relationship takes work. But many people feel if a relationship takes effort, then it isn't worth forcing. After a year or two of marriage, they throw in the towel to look for someone else who "gets" them. S/he must not have been their Soul Mate after all. WTF?! But they were so good for each other and agreeable during the engagement. What happened? Reality was ignored and work wasn't put-in during the engagement. Edited October 15, 2013 by Col1
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