What Should I Make of This?

[lakerman34]

Here's the back story:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/371415-about-last-night

 

Things that are new are the following (to keep it short):

-I projected a lot of stuff onto her in South Africa, may have come across as an eager dog

-She messages me, telling me she doesn't want a relationship, she's trying to be as blunt as possible.

-We don't talk for 6 months. I get rid of her phone number, get rid of her on Facebook.

 

After 6 months, she started retweeting things I said on Twitter, and even starting an argument or two on one of my Tweets (that girl loves debate and playing devil's advocate).

 

I went to visit friends at my school. I saw her, went to talk to her, she very obviously was nervous around me, acted like a snarky bitch.

 

Very next day, she messages me, apologizing saying how she would love to hear about my trip.

 

I say "don't worry about it. I wish you all the success in the world in your endeavors."

 

We start talking. I call her out for a lot of things (not in a bad way, she was having a rough time in school, taking classes she hates, and socially she hates everyone. I encouraged her to look at herself. She calls me 'deep' and a 'sage.')

 

She tends to put guys who go after her down. She was trying to do this to me, but I didn't allow it. I said a picture of hers was adorable, she said "don't start with that adorable crap," I told her I'm not going to take back something I mean, she said "fine." Also, I told her I'm not interested in the girl she is in public, the confident, funny, Miss Perfect girl, I'm more interested in the type of girl she is when she's by herself. She really took this to heart.

 

Anyways, I asked her to hang out. She said "I don't think so." (Didn't take that as a 'no.') Then again, finally I got a "fine," but never a date. FINALLY, I said "look, I want to go to this thing this Friday, do you want to go with me or not?"

 

She said 'sure.' I bought tickets, it's happening. I didn't call it a 'date,' because she's the type that hates labels.

 

Now, messages from her a lot lighthearted. She initiates conversations, and I end them (was never this way before). She knows I love Motown, and a couple of nights ago, after I messaged her telling her I finally saw a movie she recommended to me, that she was in a club that played Motown and there was a lot of great dancing, and how it was amazing. She laughs a lot more at my jokes, it seems.

 

The real kicker is we are both a part of a forum, just like this one. Before, I kind of was stalking her, but now it seems as if she's stalking me. There is a subforum called "sex confessions." I wrote about how I am no longer willing to give my sex out like candy, that it has to be with the right girl. She mentioned how she's practically celibate because she, too, doesn't believe in boring sex with the boring people on her boring campus, then she deleted it. I'm the only guy she really has to worry about seeing that comment (as I'm the only one of her friends on the forum).

 

She did call me "friend" once, but it was AFTER I mentioned something on the forum how I don't have pretty girls as "just friends" because I can't do it. That was a while ago though.

 

During this "date," I plan on initiating physical contact throughout the night, and I'm going to try to make it implicitly clear that I have an intention that goes beyond "just hanging out." I think sex is a possibility, but I'm not expecting it. Last time, I expected it, and it happened (but I rejected her).

 

Today, I asked her for her phone number, and put a picture of "Can I get yo numba?" guy. She responded with 'bahahaha' and her phone number.

 

Am I friend-zoned? Is there a chance with this girl? How should I play this? I purposefully make it so we don't talk everyday, and I'm displaced from her reality, so I don't THINK I'm "just a friend." But maybe. After the event I'm taking her to (strategically planned it -- it's a 45 minute drive one way, 30 minutes to do the event, and then I think I'm going to take her to a diner, so we get lots of talking time. Should be home by 11:30-midnight), I don't know if I should just drop her off, go for a kiss, what. I know the last guy she liked (between me the first time and now) rejected her, but they never went on a date nor had sex or any physical contact, from what I understand. She may even still have SOME feelings for him, but I think they've dwindled down enough to date her. It has been about a month, and she's the tomboy "get over guys quickly and move on quickly" kind of gal.

Edited October 14, 2013 by lakerman34

[Assasda]

Initially reading that,

- I think your girl has insecurity issues

 

after reading that

- I think youre putting her on a pedestal

 

No girl wants to be on a pedestal, because, then they feel like they cant live up to the expectations that you may have of them. It mind ****s em.

 

To not be friend-zoned, you should talk about your needs, the needs of a man. You may want to bring the conversation to a more sexual nature, so she realizes that youre not just an Asexual eunuch for her to go out with.

- Never take any of her bull****, always give it back

- Always be a gentleman, but let her know that youre a man and not some gay friend

- When the moment is right, touch her thigh

[lakerman34]

Initially reading that,

- I think your girl has insecurity issues

 

after reading that

- I think youre putting her on a pedestal

 

No girl wants to be on a pedestal, because, then they feel like they cant live up to the expectations that you may have of them. It mind ****s em.

 

To not be friend-zoned, you should talk about your needs, the needs of a man. You may want to bring the conversation to a more sexual nature, so she realizes that youre not just an Asexual eunuch for her to go out with.

- Never take any of her bull****, always give it back

- Always be a gentleman, but let her know that youre a man and not some gay friend

- When the moment is right, touch her thigh

 

Ah, you didn't read my back story.

 

I've already had her naked on top of me. She definitely knows I'm not a eunuch.

 

Also, I used to have her on a pedestal. Not anymore.

 

She is a little insecure, and I've told her this VERY eloquently. Didn't offend her, but let her know that I'm going to be honest with her.

 

Diving in for the thigh very quickly is a little aggressive. I think I'm going to work up to that.

 

Talks haven't been of the sexual nature this time around. The first time, we spoke about sex pretty openly. I don't think it's necessary anymore considering we had a 3 hour make out sesh, she naked and I in my boxer briefs, hands going wherever they please. As she was taking my boxers off, I told her that I didn't want to have sex with her because, historically, when I have sex too quickly with a girl, it turns into an explicitly sexual relationship, and doesn't move on to anything more than that, and I really liked her.

 

We ended up cuddling and making out all night. A few months later, in her drunken stupor, she DID call me a pussy (probably for not going in for sex), but, considering she knows bits and pieces of my sexual history, and that I responded to her "careful. You might turn me on," I don't think it affected anything.

 

She kind of becomes a bitch when drunk, except the night we hooked up. She just became horny.

 

OH! Left this out, she told me she had a skeleton of a 50 year old woman and she's always throwing out her back. I told her "hey, if you want me to be your personal yoga instructor, it could be good practice for me." She said she's down, so that's happening.

 

Friday night, when she does the whole purse dance, I'm' going to tell her that the night is on me, she gets the next one.

Edited October 14, 2013 by lakerman34

[Assasda]

Seems like you got it under control.

 

As long as she knows your feelings as a man, I dont think youre in the friend-zone, maybe the friends with benefits zone though.

 

Dont jump into any labels too fast. insecure chicks hate that.

You can always go for the thigh early, if she questions you just say "You've called me a pussy once already"

 

- Lightheartedness always makes things go a whole lot smoother

[todreaminblue]

Initially reading that,

- I think your girl has insecurity issues

 

after reading that

- I think youre putting her on a pedestal

 

No girl wants to be on a pedestal, because, then they feel like they cant live up to the expectations that you may have of them. It mind ****s em.

 

To not be friend-zoned, you should talk about your needs, the needs of a man. You may want to bring the conversation to a more sexual nature, so she realizes that youre not just an Asexual eunuch for her to go out with.

- Never take any of her bull****, always give it back

- Always be a gentleman, but let her know that youre a man and not some gay friend

- When the moment is right, touch her thigh

 

- When the moment is right, touch her thigh

 

 

yes to everything you said besides this

 

 

ummmmm no no thigh grope......make it clear you dont want it to be platonic friendhsip on the date if it is not what you want from her..... by words not touching places.....being open and honest with someone .......you dont need to invade personal space to do that...if a guy touched my thigh first date...it wouldnt impress me at all.....deb

[lakerman34]

yes to everything you said besides this

 

 

ummmmm no no thigh grope......make it clear you dont want it to be platonic friendhsip on the date if it is not what you want from her..... by words not touching places.....being open and honest with someone .......you dont need to invade personal space to do that...if a guy touched my thigh first date...it wouldnt impress me at all.....deb

 

I don't know. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't it be best to show her my interest by touching places? The thigh might be too aggressive, so I was thinking more of a lower back, arms, shoulders, put my arm around her type of deal.

 

I know she's attracted to me, but I might be in the FwB zone rather than the relationship-potential zone. This is OK with me, just as long as it's a monogamous zone to be in and she doesn't lead me on to thinking that I COULD be relationship-potential when she never really has that intention.

 

I don't like the idea of sleeping with a girl that is sleeping with other guys. That's like having sex w/ those other guys as well. And I go down on ALL pretty, clean girls that I sleep with. Ew the thought makes me want to hurl.

[Assasda]

Dude if you think that she's going to see other guys, and you dont want that, dont even pursue her.

 

Dont even have any conversations with her about that stuff, because it will just complicate things. Just have a good FUN relationship with her, and keep in mind that if she wants anybody else, she'll go with them.

The weird thing is that, you'll have to be cool with that, and then I think she'll be cool with you

[lakerman34]

Dude if you think that she's going to see other guys, and you dont want that, dont even pursue her.

 

Dont even have any conversations with her about that stuff, because it will just complicate things. Just have a good FUN relationship with her, and keep in mind that if she wants anybody else, she'll go with them.

The weird thing is that, you'll have to be cool with that, and then I think she'll be cool with you

 

Trust me, I know better than to talk about other guys to her. If she starts talking about another guy that she has a "thing" for, I'll just go through with the night, see if I can get ANYTHING, and probably never talk to her again. I'm not about being a shoulder to cry on while another guy gets the action. That was me 5 years ago hahaha.

[clia]

Do you realize you have been mooning over this girl for the past year?

 

Your previous threads show that she has repeatedly told you that she is not interested in dating you and repeatedly rejected you. In the past, she has actively avoided seeing you in person.

 

And now that you have finally worn her down, and she has given you a completely unenthusiastic "fine" to your request to hang out together, you think you are getting somewhere? You think this is a "date"? No, it isn't. Don't be surprised if she cancels on you.

 

In all of your threads, you actively ignore any advice that isn't telling you to go after her. You are making a fool of yourself. Seriously. Just stop. You've wasted a year on this chick. Move on and find someone who is actually interested in you.

[deathandtaxes]

Do you realize you have been mooning over this girl for the past year?

 

Your previous threads show that she has repeatedly told you that she is not interested in dating you and repeatedly rejected you. In the past, she has actively avoided seeing you in person.

 

And now that you have finally worn her down, and she has given you a completely unenthusiastic "fine" to your request to hang out together, you think you are getting somewhere? You think this is a "date"? No, it isn't. Don't be surprised if she cancels on you.

 

In all of your threads, you actively ignore any advice that isn't telling you to go after her. You are making a fool of yourself. Seriously. Just stop. You've wasted a year on this chick. Move on and find someone who is actually interested in you.

 

A whole year? OP - are you that obsessed? You do realize that there are a lot of eligible women out there? I totally agree with clia - if this meeting even goes through, it's not going to be a date, it's not going to be what you want. It can only end badly.

[clia]

My bad...I looked at the date wrong. (I glanced at his join date, not the post date.) It's actually only been since February. But still, the point remains. Move on.

 

I mean, this is from your OP:

 

-She messages me, telling me she doesn't want a relationship, she's trying to be as blunt as possible.

 

Why are you not understanding this?

 

Trust me, you are going to look back on this someday and be so embarrassed.

[lakerman34]

It wasn't just a "fine." It was much more enthusiastic than that. It was 8 months, and half that time I was in South Africa, 6 months of that time we didn't even talk.

 

She's actually very excited about it.

 

Is ANYBODY even perusing the previous thread?

 

Embarrassed? Why? I'm 23 years old, and that's something she told me 7 months ago. We had 6 months of distance. People change their minds.

 

This is one of the reasons I hate LS. People mold everyone else in this small little box and say "this is EXACTLY how EVERY guy/girl acts. No one deviates from the norm."

Edited October 15, 2013 by lakerman34

[truth_seeker]

In the OP's defense, he gave up. He deleted her number, deleted her off of Facebook. She chose to reach out to him after 6 months to test waters.

 

She is a manipulator... a game player. She likes to mess with you, OP. She gets off on how she is under your skin.

 

I don't think the OP is obsessed with her. I think this girl is sick in the head and the OP needs to be stronger and not give her time of day.

[clia]

It wasn't just a "fine." It was much more enthusiastic than that. It was 8 months, and half that time I was in South Africa, 6 months of that time we didn't even talk.

 

She's actually very excited about it.

 

This is from your original post:

 

Anyways, I asked her to hang out. She said "I don't think so." (Didn't take that as a 'no.') Then again, finally I got a "fine," but never a date. FINALLY, I said "look, I want to go to this thing this Friday, do you want to go with me or not?"

 

She said 'sure.' I bought tickets, it's happening. I didn't call it a 'date,' because she's the type that hates labels.

 

Sounds real enthusiastic. Do you see how you had to practically force her to agree to go with you?

 

Is ANYBODY even perusing the previous thread?

 

I've been around and have read and posted in all of the threads you've posted about this chick since February, including the one from the end of September where you again described how she has rejected you over and over again when you have asked her out. You are completely ignoring what she is telling you over and over and over again.

 

Embarrassed? Why? I'm 23 years old, and that's something she told me 7 months ago. We had 6 months of distance. People change their minds.

 

Less than a month ago you posted a thread here about how she repeatedly declined your request for a date. Why would she do that if she had changed her mind? She wouldn't. So, you wore her down and she finally agreed to go to a haunted house with you? I would be willing to bet that she does not consider it to be a date.

 

This is one of the reasons I hate LS. People mold everyone else in this small little box and say "this is EXACTLY how EVERY guy/girl acts. No one deviates from the norm."

 

Except that you are completely ignoring everything this girl is saying to you. You admit when she says "Yeah, I don't think so," that you "don't take that as a no." That is a no. So what if she responds to your texts or retweets you or added you on Facebook. Acquaintances and friends do those things, too. I don't see any indication that she wants you to be her boyfriend. Her actions speak loudly in the other direction. In fact, she has been telling you since day one that she doesn't want a relationship with you. I went back and looked -- you started talking to her last December and didn't even have a "date" with her until February, after which she told you she did not want a relationship with you.

 

If you want to keep believing that she changed her mind, go for it. But people around here have been telling you since February to move on from this girl.

[clia]

In the OP's defense, he gave up. He deleted her number, deleted her off of Facebook. She chose to reach out to him after 6 months to test waters.

 

She is a manipulator... a game player. She likes to mess with you, OP. She gets off on how she is under your skin.

 

I don't think the OP is obsessed with her. I think this girl is sick in the head and the OP needs to be stronger and not give her time of day.

 

If you haven't done so already, take a look at his last few threads. They are all about this girl. He never really gave up. He was out of the country, so NC was easy, and by his own admission in one of the threads, never got over her. So, now he's back in town and has asked her out numerous times over the past month and she has said no. She may be a manipulator or game player, but he is actively ignoring everything she is telling him and trying to talk himself out of the friend zone.

[truth_seeker]

 

Except that you are completely ignoring everything this girl is saying to you. You admit when she says "Yeah, I don't think so," that you "don't take that as a no." That is a no. So what if she responds to your texts or retweets you or added you on Facebook. Acquaintances and friends do those things, too. I don't see any indication that she wants you to be her boyfriend. Her actions speak loudly in the other direction. In fact, she has been telling you since day one that she doesn't want a relationship with you. I went back and looked -- you started talking to her last December and didn't even have a "date" with her until February, after which she told you she did not want a relationship with you.

 

If you want to keep believing that she changed her mind, go for it. But people around here have been telling you since February to move on from this girl.

 

Okay, reading this, and not knowing there were other threads on this topic, my opinion has changed slightly...

 

I still think the girl did wrong by reaching out to him (I believe I read in the OP's post, that she contacted him after NC for 6 months?) She did this not because she likes the OP but rather the attention the OP used to give her. Probably bored and curious to see if the OP still liked her. She got her fix and now we're back to the OP chasing her and her not liking it.

 

OP - you got it bad for this girl. Clia is right, though... her actions tell a different story than her words.

[lakerman34]

Okay, reading this, and not knowing there were other threads on this topic, my opinion has changed slightly...

 

I still think the girl did wrong by reaching out to him (I believe I read in the OP's post, that she contacted him after NC for 6 months?) She did this not because she likes the OP but rather the attention the OP used to give her. Probably bored and curious to see if the OP still liked her. She got her fix and now we're back to the OP chasing her and her not liking it.

 

OP - you got it bad for this girl. Clia is right, though... her actions tell a different story than her words.

 

This is the part you guys are clearly missing. The chase is MUCH more 50/50 now. She'll randomly message me, poke fun at me, send me links, sometimes, I read something she says, am unsure how to reply, and just go to bed.

 

We haven't spoken about our hookup at all. Something I found interesting was on her birthday in May, I messaged her "hey! happy 21st bday, I highly recommend Evan for tonight." When we hooked up, I brought Evan Williams to her apartment, and raved about how it was my favorite Bourbon. She 'liked' EVERYONE's comment except mine.

 

I don't understand the stigma against chasing girls, anyways. Some girls like to be chased. It's part of 'the game' to them, and they feel that's how to pick a real man.

 

I've chased girls before. I've chased VERY hard. I've been involved in their games before. There have been girls that have had me around their finger, eating right out of their palm. This girl is actually MUCH more honest, and if she didn't want to hang out with me, she'd say 'no,' (a word she hasn't muttered yet).

 

Let me put this in perspective. There are A LOT of guys trying to get her attention. I've seen it. Rejecting guys is kind of a regular thing for her.

 

I, on the other hand, am taking her out, one on one, to a haunted house on Friday.

 

Ah yes. A haunted house that I picked out specifically b/c it's one that's known for being INCREDIBLY scary and they only let you in in groups of two at a time. Touching much?

Edited October 15, 2013 by lakerman34

[lakerman34]

If you haven't done so already, take a look at his last few threads. They are all about this girl. He never really gave up. He was out of the country, so NC was easy, and by his own admission in one of the threads, never got over her. So, now he's back in town and has asked her out numerous times over the past month and she has said no. She may be a manipulator or game player, but he is actively ignoring everything she is telling him and trying to talk himself out of the friend zone.

 

I think you are VERY misunderstanding, but I will take the one point you make that makes sense. You think I'm friend zoned. That's fair. That was the point of this thread.

 

This remains to be seen by me. I will know Friday night. Difference between me and the guy she most recently liked? I got her naked on top of me. Are we forgetting about this? Last time I checked, a girl is naked on top of you, she is either REALLY drunk or attracted to you. She wasn't that drunk.

 

Also, my goodness, have you ever heard of defense mechanisms? Maybe I didn't make this clear, but she "rejected" me only once. The other times, she said she wanted to hang out, she just never gave me a date. Finally, I told her, "I'm going this Friday, are you coming with me or not?" I didn't FORCE her to do or say anything. I like 45 minutes away from her. She can ignore me and I'd move on....but she chose not to.

 

Hell, she even called me 'creepy' two or three or maybe even four times. I just texted her to bring her iPod with her, she asked why, I said 'because you're DJ,' she replies (and this is a direct quote): "Really?! Aww yess. I like weird stuff. You have been warned." -- sounds like how a girl would respond to a guy she thinks is creepy and doesn't want to go out with, does it?

 

For what it's worth, if she does have me in her friendzone, Friday night cost me all of $10, so not a whole lot of skin off my back.

 

You guys aren't giving me enough credit. I am far more intelligent socially and in relationships than you guys are giving me credit for. I think whoever said I may be in FwB zone may be the most accurate. Do I prefer relationship-potential with this girl? Certainly. But I'm willing to concede I may only be FwB zone with her.

 

She isn't like most girls. The fact that I rejected her, I think, is going to make her want to tie the loose end even more. For all I know, she may just make me a one night stand and never talk to me again.

 

And I can be in the friend-zone. I certainly can be. I won't deny that. But it isn't as obvious as you guys think. The girl is sexual by nature, but I know she isn't interested in any of the guys at school. She hates the gossip it starts and the clingy ones. A guy who just graduated, who has a history with her, and isn't going to tell anybody else (except the lovely people at LS -- without her knowing, of course) seems like a good candidate. She knows I want to, at the very least, sleep with her. I've made that pretty obvious in the past. If I'm such an intimidating guy who is very creepy and stalkerish, why is she going into a haunted house with me? A place where she'll be vulnerable and it will be INCREDIBLY dark?

 

Hmmm.....

Edited October 15, 2013 by lakerman34

[deathandtaxes]

Too much drama. Why, OP? Why?

[lakerman34]

Too much drama. Why, OP? Why?

 

??? Drama? Where?

[clia]

You’re lucky I don’t feel like working today.

 

Listen: Girls who like guys don’t repeatedly turn them down and give them vague answers or non-responses when they are asked out on dates. They just don’t. When a girl likes a guy and she truly has plans or can’t get together, she wants to make darn sure the guy knows he isn’t being blown off or ignored. For whatever reason, you don’t want to believe this. You want to think that she is different, and that these rejections mean that she likes you. I don’t get it.

 

For the record, I think you are very smart. It’s just that you like this girl so much that you can’t see through your fog. Yes, you got her naked on top of you. Eight months ago. And after that, she told you she did not want a relationship with you. Are you forgetting that part? Step into the present, please.

 

Maybe I didn't make this clear, but she "rejected" me only once. The other times, she said she wanted to hang out, she just never gave me a date. Finally, I told her, "I'm going this Friday, are you coming with me or not?" I didn't FORCE her to do or say anything. I like 45 minutes away from her. She can ignore me and I'd move on....but she chose not to.

 

Um…being asked to do something and giving a vague answer, no times when you are available, making no effort to make the plans, or not responding at all is a rejection. A lot of girls do this because they feel uncomfortable saying no. So they vaguely say things like “sure, great, fine” and do not do anything to follow up on it, and hope the guy eventually gets the picture if they blow him off enough times.

 

So, let me count the ways she has rejected you, and I’m not even going to include all the times you posted about how she flat out told you that she doesn’t want a relationship with you:

 

From your September 14 post:

 

She told me she was looking for an outlet and she was done w/ college. I told her I'd be more than happy to come over w/ a bottle of wine. She said "yeah, I don't think so." I didn't take that as a no.

 

Newsflash: “I don’t think so” means “no.” It’s just a much less harsh “no.”

 

I told her, "well then, whenever you want me, let me know and we'll schedule a date. I'm bringing a bottle of wine."

 

She saw this message, no reply.

 

No reply = rejected.

 

From you September 28 post:

 

I've been trying to hang out w/ her. At first, she was like "I don't think so." Then she said she wanted to, but "she'll let me know." When I've messaged her saying things like "I work during the week, but am free for a couple of hours on Friday...lets do something," she won't respond.

 

Again, “I don’t think so” means “No.”

 

“I’ll let you know” without ever letting you know = No.

 

No response = No.

 

About a week ago, she told me she wanted to get off campus. I told her we can do Halloween-y stuff together. She said she'd love that and to let her know.

 

I waited about 3 days, then I sent her a link with a haunted house. She made a joke about it. We had a very playful conversation (we were talking about what types of Pokemon we would be and were making our own sequel to Across the Universe).

 

After teasing each other a little bit, she logged off (even before our "date" last time, she always did this. She just gets off mid-conversation. I don't think anything of it. Now, unlike last time, I sometimes wait days, and she initiates conversations as well).

 

I knew she logged off, so I said "but yeah, let me know about that haunted house so I can buy tickets. Don't make me go alone. You know you're going to feel responsible about my obituary in the paper the next day."

 

She replied "okay okay, we shall see."

 

This is classic avoidance behavior. “We’ll see,” getting offline without giving a response, etc….means no motivation at all to actually make the plans. How can you not see that? If she liked you, her response would have been to pick a date right then and there.

 

My first attempt at asking her to hang out got an "I don't think so." That wasn't a 'no.' So I told her it'd be good for both of us, then get her to agree. About four times of me saying "we should hang out" and her saying "yeah I would really like that!" has led to nothing. It just sounds like an empty promise.

 

Again, “I don’t think so” means “No.”

 

Saying “Yeah, I would really like to [hang out]” without ever trying to make it happen means that she doesn’t really want to hang out with you.

 

She isn't like most girls.

 

 

The fact that I rejected her, I think, is going to make her want to tie the loose end even more. For all I know, she may just make me a one night stand and never talk to me again.

 

Dude, you have been chasing her so hard over the past six weeks that she’s probably completely forgotten about how you “rejected” her back in February.

 

She may well make you a one night stand, but you don’t seem to want that. How is that going to work for you? How much more time are you going to waste on these stupid games with her?

 

I'll leave you alone now...

[deathandtaxes]

??? Drama? Where?

 

Ha! All of it. Just...all of it. I guess you like it. I couldn't take it. Maybe you have way more energy than me concerning the chase and repeated rejection. Reject me once, oh well, c'est la vie. Reject me twice, why in the heck did I ask you again to get rejected twice?!?

[lakerman34]

You’re lucky I don’t feel like working today.

 

Listen: Girls who like guys don’t repeatedly turn them down and give them vague answers or non-responses when they are asked out on dates. They just don’t. When a girl likes a guy and she truly has plans or can’t get together, she wants to make darn sure the guy knows he isn’t being blown off or ignored. For whatever reason, you don’t want to believe this. You want to think that she is different, and that these rejections mean that she likes you. I don’t get it.

 

For the record, I think you are very smart. It’s just that you like this girl so much that you can’t see through your fog. Yes, you got her naked on top of you. Eight months ago. And after that, she told you she did not want a relationship with you. Are you forgetting that part? Step into the present, please.

 

 

 

Um…being asked to do something and giving a vague answer, no times when you are available, making no effort to make the plans, or not responding at all is a rejection. A lot of girls do this because they feel uncomfortable saying no. So they vaguely say things like “sure, great, fine” and do not do anything to follow up on it, and hope the guy eventually gets the picture if they blow him off enough times.

 

So, let me count the ways she has rejected you, and I’m not even going to include all the times you posted about how she flat out told you that she doesn’t want a relationship with you:

 

From your September 14 post:

 

 

 

Newsflash: “I don’t think so” means “no.” It’s just a much less harsh “no.”

 

 

 

No reply = rejected.

 

From you September 28 post:

 

 

 

Again, “I don’t think so” means “No.”

 

“I’ll let you know” without ever letting you know = No.

 

No response = No.

 

 

 

This is classic avoidance behavior. “We’ll see,” getting offline without giving a response, etc….means no motivation at all to actually make the plans. How can you not see that? If she liked you, her response would have been to pick a date right then and there.

 

 

 

Again, “I don’t think so” means “No.”

 

Saying “Yeah, I would really like to [hang out]” without ever trying to make it happen means that she doesn’t really want to hang out with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dude, you have been chasing her so hard over the past six weeks that she’s probably completely forgotten about how you “rejected” her back in February.

 

She may well make you a one night stand, but you don’t seem to want that. How is that going to work for you? How much more time are you going to waste on these stupid games with her?

 

I'll leave you alone now...

 

I appreciate this write-up. Really, I do.

 

A lot of what you wrote, however, was just repeated. Here is the timeline of "rejection" :

 

1. I rejected her when she was naked on top of me (evening of February 2nd).

 

2. She rejected me saying she didn't want a relationship with me (admittedly, partially my fault, but also, I think a love interest of hers was coming back to school -- March 2nd)

 

Around mid-June, she reaches out to me

 

Mid-August, we start talking again. She seems a little defensive and guarded.

 

3. Beginning of September, I ask to hang out w/ wine. She says "I don't think so."

 

4. The VERY next day, she changes her mind and says she wants to hang out.

 

5. About two weeks later, I ask her again, and she talks about hanging out, but we never set a date.

 

6. About a week after that, I tell her I'm putting the onus on her to decide a date to hang out. She wasn't online when I sent this, and she didn't decide.

 

At this point, I just stop talking to her all together. I, like you all, thought she was just trying to avoid me. And then, she starts initiating contact, she starts sending me links to articles, her favorite songs, and even tells me about her best friends. She tells me she hates it at school and wants to get off campus. I ask her "are you asking me to take you places?" She replies "I mean, if you want." I tell her I'd let her know.

 

About 5 days go past, I send her a link to the haunted house, she says I'll let you know.

 

7. I wait about 2 weeks, then say "look, I'm going to this, and I'd love to take you. I'm thinking the 18th, 19th, or 25th. Let me know." She responds "the 18th." I tell her right away "great, I'll buy tickets." We start talking about how exciting it's going to be.

 

8. Earlier this week, I let her know the tickets have arrived. She acknowledges how she can't wait to see me shriek like a little girl.

 

9. Today, I text her to wear casual clothes and to bring her music listening device. I'll pick her up 7:30 on Friday. She asks why she needs to bring her music device? I tell her she's going to be DJ. She's excited by this.

 

Again, does it sound like I FORCED her into saying 'yes?' I may very well be in the friendzone, I don't know, but I didn't FORCE her to do anything. She also acknowledged (on the forum) that she doesn't really go out with guys unless there is some intent. She knows I had strong feelings for her. IDK, all this adds up, to me anyways, that I'm NOT in the friendzone. I can, of course, be too biased.

[lakerman34]

Ha! All of it. Just...all of it. I guess you like it. I couldn't take it. Maybe you have way more energy than me concerning the chase and repeated rejection. Reject me once, oh well, c'est la vie. Reject me twice, why in the heck did I ask you again to get rejected twice?!?

 

I'm persistent. In all honesty, there have been girls in my past that have said 'no' to me, but I didn't believe them, and eventually ended up in their bed with a bit of persistence.

 

NO should only be taken REALLY seriously 100% of the time during sex (obviously). So many guys get rejected by girls and just shrink off into fetal position. A lot of girls just use rejection as a defense mechanism, and just want to see how persistent you are and if you're really worthy of them, and if your boner is worth their time.

 

One of my best friends is an established PUA (as in he studies it, uses it, and he picks up a LOT of beautiful girls. I've seen him do it enough to know that it works). I don't really believe a WHOLE lot of that stuff (I think it can be rather manipulative), but bits and pieces really work.

 

I haven't ever spent this much time on a girl. Once, I courted a girl 6 months to get a date, which didn't go down well, but this girl I feel compatible with. I think I'm in a better place than I was before in terms of if nothing happens, I'm OK with that. I like her, but I've definitely knocked her down quite a few notches from her pedestal. "Pedestal" is a funny concept too. If you don't have the girl on SOMEWHAT of a pedestal, why are you taking her on a date? Might as well take Miss Random on the street on a date b/c you see her as just as worthy. All these dating cliches are just....well....cliches, and I find the people that are most successful dismiss them all as BS.

Edited October 15, 2013 by lakerman34

[deathandtaxes]

OP - all very interesting reading. Mutual rejection = why even go further than that? Like I said before - drama. I wouldn't put up with it. So what's your goal with this chick? Relationship? Hookup? It seems like a lot of time and effort to just keep spinning your wheels. But it is fun reading about, I give you that much, sir.