geegee81 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 So how much time does it generally take to get over a broken heart? For me, I noticed that the longer I’m with a guy, the longer it takes to heal….I was with my 1st ex for almost 6 years and it took about 5 months for me to start dating again. But when I have short term relationships, I’m able to heal quickly, within a few weeks. I think its important to remain active, to hangout, do your hobbies, etc. The guy I’ve been dating for a few months dumped me on Thursday and i felt like dying, but I stopped crying on Saturday morning. I was back to hanging with friends Saturday night…Talking on the phone again Sunday. And I have a date scheduled for next Saturday. I don’t want to remain depressed, to wake up and remain listless. I want to live. If he didn’t want me, I’ll keep dating until Mr. Right finds me. So I guess shorter relationships take lesser time to heal, at least for me. So how much time does it generally take to get over a broken hearts in your opinion?
sambo77 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 When I met my ex I have no doubt that she was relentlessly "looking for love." This was even more apparent as she continued to seek it out on that damn dating site before we even broke up. What this meant for her, was that she had a sort of cookie cutter template of what the ideal relationship will look like in her head (for her it was more about what the man brought her in terms of kudos with her friends, status, not being like her ex husband, and a few other things). Meeting me, she immediately tried to stuff me into that template to see if I'd fit. I didn't fit as well as she'd like. So...next. This is sorta like the need for "love" being of more importance than me. All I was was a potential fit for her cookie cutter. It wasn't like that for me. I didn't have such a cookie cutter need for love going on when we met and I felt like she came first THEN I sorta made my cookie cutter up based around her shape. So she came first and as I started to love her I built up my model of love around her...unsurprisingly it fitted her. Dunno which way around is more healthy?! Both sound pretty unhealthy to me! We were only together 8 months and I couldn't imagine going on a date geegee. I still love her and it would feel wrong to me. I simply have no desire to date and just want to be on my own for at least a year...I need to be happier in my own skin first. That will not be easy for me as I prefer the warmth of a relationship. However, I've been frogmarched back to this place enough times now for me to realise that simply being in a relationship ain't gonna solve all my problems.
Author geegee81 Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 I’m sorry about your loss….I truly am. I don’t like that we are all here hurt, but at the same time I’m glad that we can support each other. Okay, I understand that you are not willing to date, but are you at least getting out the house, enjoying yourself, and hobbies. You have to take control back over your life so that memories of her stop consuming you. That’s the only way to heal. We all have different ways of coping. For me, I have learned how to block the hurt by remaining active and occupied. If I stay alone with my thoughts, I will obsess over the hurt, and fall deep into a depression. I don’t want to be this way. It would hurt too badly. I’ve known this guy since 2008….I thought we were friends. I never easily let men into my world, but it seems like I knew him so well and there was an instant spark and I automatically let him in. But I didn’t know him at all…..I didn’t know what he was about, I just assumed. The bottom line was that I wanted to settle down, I was strongly attracted to him, we had strong chemistry, and previous history with one another. I confused my lust for love. That’s how I fell so quickly without taking time to get to know the true him. He fitted into my so-called cookie cutter as well.
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